To expect the au pair to eat breakfast in her own time?

[Mammagaga]

The au pair works from 8-10 every morning AIBU to expect that she feeds the baby at 8am instead of leaving her screaming while she makes and eats her own breakfast?!

An 18 month old could feed him or herself.

you are a little bit u, she should eat with the baby/children.
but she ibu to leave the baby to cry for too long.
does baby cry because you have just left? then maybe you need to leave earlier so baby haz a chance to calm down before breakfast

I cannot believe the OP is getting a hard time here. It doesn't sound like the au pair has a particularly onerous role. But it does sound like it needs to be clarified!

YANBU, at all. I would sit down with her, explain that you expect her to eat before or after she starts work and to make sure she feeds the baby herself as a priority, not make your older children do it. If she isn't happy with those perfectly reasonable terms, then I would give her notice and find someone else. The conditions you describe are extremely generous and not normal for au pairs, I doubt she will find anything similar elsewhere.

I don't think she should get a hard time for having an au pair.

I think she should get a hard time for letting the baby go without breakfast altogether, and have other children miss breakfast "numerous times" and be posting on here instead of acting.

The baby is not screaming at 8am she starts whinging when she sees everybody else eating and given nothing herself and when she's left in the high chair and ignored she then starts screaming... I challenged the au pair when the childminder mentioned that she had been arriving hungry and she stated she had been given a bottle to be fed, my husband then walked in on it and challenged her to which she claimed that she did not know the baby needed to be fed, I pulled her up straight away and told under no circumstance was she to not feed the baby or leave the house without the baby having had breakfast ever, this was just before Christmas and during Christmas my other two children made me aware that she had made them take it in turns to feed the baby for the last week of term and they had not had time to eat their breakfast! She is due to come back on Tuesday and already has her flight booked :-/

According to www.gov.uk/au-pairs-employment-law/au-pairs au paid should eat with the family not "on their own time".

According to www.bapaa.org.uk/displaypage.asp?page=41 'An au pair is not permitted to have continuous sole charge of children under the age of two."

Sounds like you are expecting au-pair to be a nanny. YABU.

I think you and the au pair need to part ways. At this point, you haven't been clear about her duties or she's been obdurate. But either way, you don't seem to like her and you have your family reporting her misdeeds to HQ, so I doubt it's a good atmosphere.

from the further info u have given yanbu. I would be showing her the door, and would be finding someone else.

most schools offer breakfast club, could u not do that for school age children and drop baby at childminder on your way to work rather than au pair taking her at 10?

Just to clarify, she should feed the baby for moral reasons, but should not be expected to as an au-pair.

It's so odd when people accuse others on here of reading/being from the daily mail as a bad thing, then display exactly the same kind of judgemental frothing that they pilloried the paper for. Not to mention the inability to comprehend a lifestyle or a set up different to their own.

OP I don't think it's remotely unreasonable. Be absolutely clear with the au pair, in writing what you're expecting from her during the two hours a day that she's working for you. Encourage her to raise any concerns she might have about care of the baby, she may be nervous, not understand or have experience of babies and have other issues. But if she's still not doing it, being an au pair is not for her, in your household at least, and it's time you to start arrange terminating her employment as she can't do the job you need her to, which you're paying her very reasonably for.

OP YANBU and I'm not sure why you're getting such a hard time. Obviously you've already spoken to her and know you need to again. Not sure why lots of posts saying 'speak to her not us'? Surely you could say that about any AIBU thread? The OP is asking for opinions on whether it is reasonable for her Au pair to ignore a distressed infant. Of course it's not. Judgements on using paid childcare by people who don't, aren't exactly helpful.

Doesn't take much effort for au pair to give the toddler a piece of toast though most 18 month olds I know could manage a bowl of porridge/weetabix on their own albeit with a bit of mess!

The au-pair (if that is what she is, though legally, and contractually, you might be on dodgy ground calling her that tbh) does sound like she hasn't understood what her duties are.

Have you gone over her contract with her? What did you put in her contract?

It's true, you do get au-pairs who think they are in the UK for their own benefit and no-one elses. Now that I work on the other side of the fence so to speak, I have had numerous girls ask me to find them families and then they will ask me "what will they give me to eat?" etc and look horrified when I tell them that in all likelihood it will be whatever they (the au-pair) has cooked for the kids!

What does her contract say in terms of ending the arrangement? Because I'd say with this one it's time to implement that, and make sure that your next one is more fully aware of what her duties are.

If it's only 2 hours a day why can't you just drop the baby at the childminder? Or your husband? Giving the kids breakfast and getting them out of the house doesn't sound worth it tbh.

Op, you will get much better advice on the nanny / au pair section. AIBU is just full of twats. I do agree with the posters who say that you should get rid of her and find someone else.

do you need to have the au pair could you not just use the Childminder?

or could you use the money you pay for a Childminder and an au pair to hire a nanny instead (or put towards)?

I sympathise enormously with childcare issues I really do - I work and use / used a mixture of nursery/after school club/childminder and have had many sleepless nights over the issue of holiday childcare. But I am constantly amazed that people leave their children in the care if unqualified, inexperience and, judging by the stories on here, largely feckless young girls. I know this isn't helpful, sorry, but theres no way I would leave my baby with one unquàlified young girl whose prime motivation is learning English, getting drunk and meeting boys - as was mine at a similar age to most au pairs.

I read so many stories about it all going wrong on here, does it ever work out? For older school age children maybe?

Hi OP,

I reckon tackle it once and or all. Organise formally to sit down with her and could you try writing out a timetable and list of things that need to be done by a certain point - even if the things you are writing sound really obvious to you - just to make it absolutely explicit what she has got to do. Then say that you're not sure it's currently working out as you'd like, shown her the list and ask her if she can do these things. Say that you would like to give her till the end of the month (or however much notice you are required to give) but that if you're still not happy then you will have to let her go. Perhaps even put it in writing to her so she knows it's serious and so you've covered yourself if you do end up sacking her (I don't know what the rules about this kind of thing are)

I can imagine it's a difficult situation as no one likes having these kinda of unpleasant conversations but it's for the best. She's not doing the job as you want her to and so she needs to be given the chance to buck up or told to go.

Best to be firm with her - or ask your husband to be if you'd prefer a bit of distance from it.

Hope you get it sorted soon.

OP YANBU at all. Your au pair is being useless. She should drag her lazy bum out of bed earlier and eat her breakfast before 8am. Alternatively she could wait until 10am then spend the whole of the next 22 hours eating, given that she has nothing else to do. I've never had an au pair myself, but from what I've read on here, yours is having a very easy life!

You are definitely not being unreasonable. From 8 to 10 the au pair is paid to take care of your baby's needs, not her own. The au pair needs to be washed, dressed, have had her own breakfast, brushed her teeth, been to the loo and made her own bed before 8am.

Of course it's not much effort to give a baby some breakfast, but au-pairs, by definition (and I know I was the same when I did it) need everything explained crystal clear what their duties are. They aren't mothers themselves, and are generally young. With a language difference.

I was an au-pair at 21 and wouldn't have had a clue what the hell to do with a baby of 18mths.

Your au pair is actually being paid £12 p/h plus perks and isn't doing a very good job. This rate is considerably more than the NMW even for London. I would either firmly remind her of her job role and spell out exactly what she is supposed to do and give her a month's trial period. You could always tell her that if she wants to eat breakfast at your house she needs to arrive at 7.30am. That give her a 15hr week but she would still be on a hourly rate of £8 p/h which again is above the NMW of £6.50 p/h

two children made me aware that she had made them take it in turns to feed the baby for the last week of term and they had not had time to eat their breakfast!

And what did you do about this information? Did you speak to/phone/text/email the au pair to discuss it? Or have you just thought about it a bit for three weeks?