To expect the au pair to eat breakfast in her own time?

[Mammagaga]

The au pair works from 8-10 every morning AIBU to expect that she feeds the baby at 8am instead of leaving her screaming while she makes and eats her own breakfast?!

Then you clearly have not communicated clearly enough to her what her duties are, have you?

If she didn't even know whether the baby was "allowed" to eat breakfast or not?

Quite an oversight really.

Perhaps a language problem?

Find a new one if she is failing to take care of your child.

But obviously, the logical resolution to this sorry state is for you to simply say to her "You need to feed the baby"

Have you tried that?

For clarification the baby is woken at 7.45 I change her nappy and dress her and then pass her to the au pair at 8am as I am leaving for work. The only thing she has to do is feed her whilst the other children are having breakfast and take them to school / child minder.

'Feed your own baby' comments - I work for a living and do absolutely everything else for the children the au pair is paid to give them breakfast and take them to school.

YABVU. She is in Au Pair not a nanny. I have seen Au Pairs treated very badly in the past and can't believe the attitude that some professional, high earning women have to them.

Dranksangrialn yes she has been told on numerous occasions - she feeds herself first and instructs the 11yo and 8yo to feed the baby so that she doesn't miss her own breakfast!! Meaning they miss theirs.

Have you actually spoke to her? And why "the" baby?

Well, obviously you've got her job title wrong... although when I was an au pair in France I looked after young children. Now it doesn't matter what duties and role you set out during the employing stage, if they've got the wrong job title you're stuffed.
Anyone who would leave a baby to cry like this, and even claim they weren't supposed to have breakfast at all, would be out of my door pronto. What happens during the rest of the day when your older children aren't there to observe?
And yes, of course you could ask that she eats before her working hours start, you can ask her to do whatever you need as you set the job spec.

Why can't she do 7.30 to 10.00? Ten hours doesn't seem a lot. She seems to have quite a cushy deal IMO.

YANBU. There is no way ds or the baby should not be fed, whilst she is. She doesn't seem very good at all. Do the kids like her?

Wake your toddler earlier? I'd be screaming the place down if I'd only been awake 15minutes and then handed over to someone who is not my mother....

She's not screaming with hunger at 8am she's screaming with hunger by 10am when she arrives at the childminder without having being fed!!

Of course YANBU. Clearly state this to her. If she doesn't feed her properly, how can you be sure she is trustworthy in looking after her in other areas?

what did she say when you spoke to her about the problem?

If this has happened on "numerous" occasions, why on earth haven't you sent the au pair home?

One time - ONCE - I would let her get away with getting an older child to feed the baby. Now if baby was hungry, and had just upended a bowl all over the floor, and she said "big child, could you just give baby another few spoonfuls whilst I clear this up?" I'd count that as all mucking in as a family. Fine.
But if she regularly expects another child to feed the baby in her care WHY have you allowed it to continue?

Food is a pretty basic need! Forget the au pair - why have YOU allowed this?

See having the full information about timings etc I don't think YABU.
I think changing her hours may be a solution if she can finish by 9.30am. If she can't given her wage I'd extend her hours from 7.30-10am.

Is there a reason all the children can't go to childminder for day and she does the school run etc? I wouldn't be paying someone who couldn't care for my children adequately £120/week.

Your baby isn't fed until 10:00???
More than once???

I repeat - why aren't you do anything?

You haven't said what the au pair said when you discussed it?

Sounds like you have a bad au pair. That's your fault now, now that you know about it. So don't waste time asking IYABU (you're not, expecting her to do her job) just get on with sacking her.

Have you told her that she needs to eat her breakfast before she starts and then feed the baby at 8?

Does she have a written timetable and list of jobs?

Is there a language barrier?

If she has all the information and is failing to follow it then the obvious solution is to get new childcare.

Notnaice that seems like the obvious solution however when I told her I was thinking of changing her hours she wanted to charge extra, I'm at the point of telling her to F off and find somewhere else so she can see how hard other au pairs have to work for their money. Good luck to her finding a job somewhere else that provides accommodation, food, travel and pays £12 an hour. She actually gets more than me! I've heard stories of au pairs having to cook all the meals do the children's washing the whole lot. IMO expecting somebody to fit into our routine and do one simple task was not being unreasonable but it is always interesting to see what others think!

A lot of vitriol here today (for a change.....)

OP: this is mn, you're not welcome if you have paid help.

And YANBU

I wouldn't want an au pair looking after my kids if she didn't realise 18 month olds ate breakfast.
She sounds cruel and stupid, together, not an ideal mix for childcare!

Oh for heavens sake.

Talk to her, not us. Say that it's important that all three children are fed in the mornings at 8am, and if that continues to be an issue, you will have to ask her to leave. Done.

I can't believe anybody thinks YABU.

She only works 2 hours a day for you, of course she should prioritise feeding the children over feeding herself!

And wtf is wrong with saying 'the baby'?

This thread is baffling!