WIBU to consider writing to every man in the world

[TheRealAmandaClarke]

To inform them all (probably leave Dh out of the round robin) that I do not want to have sex with them unless and until further formal notice from me?

As it seems that there is such confusion among so many people about the nature of consent I want to avoid putting any of them in the terribly awkward position of wondering whether simply being in the same room as them means they are invited to stick their dick in me.
So is that an unreasonable proposition?

A appropriate way would be to take the poster that TheCow inserted above, takeout the sarcasm and talk in detail about the issues.

Alcohol is an example. Often alcohol is involved in socialising.

There are men who deliberately get women drunk with the clear intention of raping them. Then there are men who have sex with women who are very drunk who cant give informed consent but the man is drunk too and doesnt think he is raping her. Then there are men who have sex with women who are tipsy and have spent the evening snogging. Then there are men who have sex with women who have had a couple of drinks.

We need a proper conversation. Not telling women to avoid getting drunk but telling men to take responsibility for the situation if she is drunk. I bet most men do not see it as their responsibility to make the decision and how to make that decision. When is a woman too drunk to give consent?

I am so angry about this. The fact that rape still exists and men don't want to treat women as human beings is because we don't use the right terminology. Or the right video. Not because men don't care or don't want to listen.

TWO MEN are telling us this. Are determining how we should tell our experiences. Insisting that they know best. Insisting that we must be wrong with our experiences of trying to explain rape in more ways that they have hot dinners. Talking over us. Making it all about them. Shoving their privilege in our faces.

This is why men in feminism never works. Karen Ingala Smith did this really good piece recently about men in feminism.

Listen and learn. Is it really that fucking hard?

If both men and women worked together and stopped seeing offense where none was meant and stopped taking offense then this would work a damn sight better.

"But rapists don't give a shit about consent. CE demonstrates that to perfection. He gave not one flying fuck to his victim's state of mind. And still he is unable to see what he did was wrong. And he's not alone. A frightening number of men and boys agree with him. We aren't talking a handful. The sense of entitlement is huge."

This by scallops is the crux of it.

"It is incredibly insulting, though, to suggest that women don't tell men, in many many different ways about consent, about rape, about being human, with feelings and desires and needs. We do all the time."

and some of us do listen and act upon it.

I would post more but from this point in things just get circlular.

Life, Gallic? I (the fictitious recipient of this accusatory universal missive) am waiting to receive biopsy results. My wife is having an affair. I am already on medication for anxiety. Why does she think her life trumps my mental health, my relationship with my local neighborhood, and my self worth? What have I done to anyone to deserve this? I now just feel like staying in bed all day and never speaking to anyone. All this just because I have a penis?

This is actually upsetting to read

Broad brush sweeps that color whole swathes of people are never right, no matter the cause.

MoreBeta, don't read it as sarcasm then, just read it as a list of instructions to follow that will avoid any man raping any woman.

Micksy that sounds shit and I' sorry you're going through that

But this thread is not about accusing you personally (or any other man) of being a potential rapist. It is about the OP satirising the only way it seems that rape apologists will accept that a woman has not consented to sex

Petula I agree, it's very upsetting and incredibly demoralising

The letter is not accusatory.

If I send every person in the country a letter saying I don't eat pork, that's not accusing anyone of trying to coerce me into eating pork. But if you meet me, the default is, no pork please.

It's not entirely about that though. It's about her mechanism of targeting the message to all men. Aibu is bound by the OP. Drip feeding and selective reading of your own posts are poor play. She is being unreasonable to send the letter. Obviously it's a construct, but if she doesn't like the implication of universal accusation, she should have picked a better construct.
I'm actually a hopefully healthy and definitely happy woman, BTW.

If receive a letter saying don't eat pork, I'd assume there was something wrong with pork. It wouldn't make sense otherwise. It's not a functioning analogy.

AAARGH!

I would be informing you that I didn't eat pork, not advising you to stop eating it.

As was clear in my post, I believe.

Sometimes women don't even accuse men of rape. The rapists admit it themselves. Yet it is still the woman lying.

Tis amazing the enormous mental contortions one must have to go through in order to reach that conclusion. But still it is reached. By thousands of men. Every day.

Buffy is right. This is about rape culture and it needs to be tackled on so many fronts. The OP was just highlighting it (seemingly very well).

Life, Gallic? I (the fictitious recipient of this accusatory universal missive) am waiting to receive biopsy results. My wife is having an affair. I am already on medication for anxiety. Why does she think her life trumps my mental health, my relationship with my local neighborhood, and my self worth? What have I done to anyone to deserve this? I now just feel like staying in bed all day and never speaking to anyone. All this just because I have a penis?

In the nicest possible way, what if you were going through all that...and you had a one in five chance of being raped? Or you as a person with a vagina knew that you had held a baby in you for 9 months and given birth to the most beautiful little girl in the world and you had that statistic to look forward to for the rest of her life? Do you tell her to curtail her life or do you get angry?

You know the video game analogy? Straight white male is the easiest setting. We all have problems, every heterosexual white males..but as soon as you add a disability, or you're a POC or... you have a vagina you get all the extra problems.

I feel like you wanted sympathy form your post and you did immediately get it. But where is the sympathy for women who are afraid?

Srry just refreshed. You're a dick. and clearly a bloke

Why is that the only point? Who gets to decide the point? This is Aibu. No drip feeding, no selective memories. The letter was a construct, but it was one that brought with it connotations of universal accusation. If the Op didn't want that interpretation of her post, she should have chosen a better construct.
Who here is actually arguing pro rape? Has anyone here actually ever found themselves thinking, I bet all those women lie, or do we all really think, our judicial system sucks at this.
Consent is not simple, which is why we aren't all petitioning Downing Street with simple alterations to the law which would make prosecution simpler whilst maintaining safeguards (if those petitions exist, I will happily sign).

"No drip feeding, no selective memories"

What does this mean?