WIBU to consider writing to every man in the world

[TheRealAmandaClarke]

To inform them all (probably leave Dh out of the round robin) that I do not want to have sex with them unless and until further formal notice from me?

As it seems that there is such confusion among so many people about the nature of consent I want to avoid putting any of them in the terribly awkward position of wondering whether simply being in the same room as them means they are invited to stick their dick in me.
So is that an unreasonable proposition?

Rape is such a serious crime that it is a very natural human reaction for men to reject the intention of the OPs message because to accept it in a way is a tacit admission that such a crime is something they are remotely capable of.

Women have to speak about rape in a way men will listen to but I wonder if men who are in the mind set to rape would ever listen?

Rape is such a serious crime that it is a very natural human reaction for men to reject the intention of the OPs message because to accept it in a way is a tacit admission that such a crime is something they are remotely capable of.

Women have to speak about rape in a way men will listen to but I wonder if men who are in the mind set to rape would ever listen?

Rape is such a serious crime that it is a very natural human reaction for men to reject the intention of the OPs message because to accept it in a way is a tacit admission that such a crime is something they are remotely capable of.

Women have to speak about rape in a way men will listen to but I wonder if men who are in the mind set to rape would ever listen?

Rape is such a serious crime that it is a very natural human reaction for men to reject the intention of the OPs message because to accept it in a way is a tacit admission that such a crime is something they are remotely capable of.

Women have to speak about rape in a way men will listen to but I wonder if men who are in the mind set to rape would ever listen?

"Women have to speak about rape in a way men will listen to..."

QueenTilly

"I wonder if people get offended by those "you wouldn't steal a car... so stop buying pirated DVDs" trailers on DVDs?"

Yes, I do they really, really, really piss me off.

TheRealAmandaClarke
"And what would be an acceptable way to talk to men about rape?"

A start would be by not assuming that they were all rapists in training.

I have been in classrooms, off timetable days etc. where this is the default starting point.

i know scallops. i couldn't be arsed with it

Oh ffs! Apologies for that! Keyboard doing a number on me!

"Women have to speak about rape in a way men will listen to..."

Women absolutely do NOT have to speak about rape in any other way than the way they want to. And men absolutely should NOT be telling women how they should be talking about rPe. Who are you to dictate how we should speak of our experiences? Talk about male privilege.

Thanks for the rescue Buffy. All is now sorted

basically it is women's responsibility to fix the problem of men committing rape

if men continue to rape it is because women aren't effectively getting through to them

clearly we need lots of training workshops for women about how they can encourage men not to rape

Yes Petula! My outrage has somewhat been diluted in technology failure

God forbid men should just not rape us and understand our fears and anger in this because, well we are fully human, just like them.

Ladies...if you don't want men to rape you, you must ask nicely.

And fuck off with the rapists in waiting bollocks. I'm losing patience with having to pander to mens feelings with regards rape.

The fact that women even have to ask to be treated with respect says so much about society.

Oh ffs!
The "letter" does not accuse anyone of being a rapist, actual or potential.
It simply states a default position of non consent.

And yy to all other posts on this page. (Apart form the ones who continue to think that saying I dont want to have sex with every man in the world unless I say otherwise is accusing someone of being a rapist.)
Thank you for being so patient

Come on ladies.

scallops - we started off with a letter to all men. I gently suggest and judging by the reactions here that men are unlikely to respond positively to. That doesn't mean the message is wrong - just has to be presented in a way that men and I especially mean young men will listen to and think about.

I suggested a hard hitting video shown in all schools. One part of that video might say show a young man and woman kissing and cuddling at a party. We hear the words both are saying and also what is the going through their minds and we can hear the disconnect between what she is saying and thinking and what he is saying and thinking. We then see how that escalates to a rape and the aftermath. Challenging all the assumptions about what men think about what 'girls say' and 'what they really mean'.

There is a hard core of course who will not take a blind bit of notice but challenging young men (especially those who dont see themselves as rapists) to examine, for example, their assumption that all 'women are up for it'.

I think there is a way of 'sending a letter' to all men but it has to be well targeted and thought through using a message and medium that gets them to listen.

Men get the message 'dont rape' at a basic level but they often don't truely understand the message sometimes. I am not talking about the hard core who understand perfectly well and still commit what is a crime of extreme violence.

Boney, that is not what the OP assumes, even as a thought experiment.

The fact she is in a state of non-consent is a fact. It might be a fact that most already know, or assume, but it is still a fact.

The analogy of writing to Muslims saying don't be terrorists is wrong because that is directed at them with a presumption about their behaviour.

The OP's state of non consent until further notice (and by extension, that of all humans) is a fact that should be no more surprising or loaded than a letter saying "oxygen is necessary for life" - if you got a letter like that, the worst you'd think is "hmmm, waste of a stamp"

Like this, MoreBeta?

www.theviolencestopshere.ca/dbtg.php

you know this wasn't a serious suggestion for telling men not to rape, right? it was in response to the many comments by rape apologists that indicate that there is almost nothing that a woman can do to indicate that she is not consenting, the OP was extrapolating that to an absurd situation which it could be suggested is the only way that those rape apologists would agree that she had not consented to sex should she be raped and her rapist end up in court

the part we're objecting to in your post? it's this:

"Women have to speak about rape in a way men will listen to"

we are asking why it is women's responsibility? yes, it is in our interests, but honestly, we have tried a lot of things already, and the implication from your comment is that the reason why women are still being raped is because they have yet to find the right communication method to men

i'm sure your suggestion is well-meant, but you need to think about what assumptions, privileges and prejudices are coming across in your own communication

There is a brilliant post somewhere on the internet where a woman is pleading with men to just tell her the magic words and she will say them
Nice as Pie if that really does stop VWAG.

No MoreBeta you said "Women have to speak about rape in a way men will listen to".

We don't.

If men can't understand the message that we are human therefore don't fucking touch us unless we want you to then it is not up to women to put the message out there in sixteen different ways so men might finally get the message. There is nothing wrong with the message or the way it is said. It's not rocket science. It's pretty fucking basic. The problem is men don't care/don't want to listen.

But fill yer boots with creating 'hard hitting videos'.