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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mums going on holiday 2 weeks before my due date

58 replies

Littledragon13 · 07/01/2015 16:49

My mum is going abroad for two weeks right before my due date, this is my first baby and my mums first grandchild. She has been so involved and wants to be there at the birth (I also want her to be there too!) so I can't understand why she's booked to go away so close to due date?

My SIL (who has found my whole pregnancy very difficult as she is TTC and won't talk to me) originally booked the holiday the week the baby is due but my mum said she couldn't go then so they moved the dates slightly.

My mum has told me not to worry and that everything will be fine. AIBU?

OP posts:
LaurieFairyCake · 07/01/2015 16:51

Isn't your partner going to be at the birth?

Pootles2010 · 07/01/2015 16:51

Yes you are a bit. Its up to her, and besides its better that she goes before rather than after.

Having said that, i'm assuming she isn't your only birth partner - is that correct?

TheRealMaryMillington · 07/01/2015 16:51

Everything will be fine, and no you shouldn't worry. That is true. But your mum may miss the birth. Her call. So long as you have a plan for that scenario it's fine. Unless you want her for a birth partner?

Sorry about your SIL.

juneau · 07/01/2015 16:52

No, I think your SIL is being spiteful. To book a holiday involving your mum so close to your due date is bound to cause you anxiety, but TBH your mum should've said a blanket 'no' to any date within a month of your due date if she's so keen to be involved.

rubyslippers · 07/01/2015 16:52

Do you have anyone else to
Support you?

Your baby may well be late or early

Original poster
Littledragon13 · 07/01/2015 16:52

My partner is going to be there and as long as he is going to be there I am happy but I would also like my mum to be there. Hopefully she will be Smile

OP posts:
Tribeca10013 · 07/01/2015 16:52

Best wishes when your baby comes.its very special
I understand why youre peeved but essentially mum is an adult and can go away if she wants to
Make sure you get adequate support from mw and friends til mum return

Annunziata · 07/01/2015 16:53

Oh dear. I think your mum is trying to keep you both happy- it's nothing to do with not wanting to be there.

You probably will be overdue, because it's your first. Try and relax. Having your mum at the birth is lovely, but it's the weeks afterwards that you'll really need her.

dinkystinky · 07/01/2015 16:54

Yes, you are being abit unreasonable - its your baby, not your mums so doesn't actually have to go into lockdown travelwise for 6 weeks around the due date. I should imagine your mum would be gutted to miss the birth if it panned out that way - but you have no guarantee as to when the baby will arrive and she cant stop living her life incase the baby turns up early. She may miss the birth, she may not - but she is right in saying that whatever happens, you shouldn't worry and everything will be fine.

Andcake · 07/01/2015 16:56

Personally I just think its weird you want your mum there...its a special time between new parents...but if you haven't got a partner then she is being a bit odd booking a trip- have you got a cover for if she is away has she been doing the birthing class(es) with you - or has she just assumed first babies are late.
having suffered from infertility I can understand a bit your sisters situation - unless you have been their you can't understand the pain (some studies have shown that the only illness which depresses people more is cancer). I always found I would distance myself when people were pregnant but be ok when baby arrived...
it might be that if you have got a partner that your sis needs your mum more than you do at this time.

browneyedgirl86 · 07/01/2015 16:57

In the sweetest and nicest way possible I think you are being a bit unreasonable. The baby could be late.

It sounds like your mum is trying to keep you and your sil happy. As others have said it will be when the baby arrives you will need her. If the baby does arrive early that's what your DP is there for.

Original poster
Littledragon13 · 07/01/2015 16:57

Thanks for everyone's views and opinions. I think it's bothered me a bit more due to the whole SIL situation and can't help but feel like she's being a bit spiteful as the family holiday is normally booked two month later than what they are going and it's been this way for years!

OP posts:
LokiBear · 07/01/2015 17:00

Having given birth, I was overwhelmed by what an incredible bonding experience it was between me and my DH. He is a big kid most of the time, and drives me mad, but, in those moments where I was scared and struggling, he was brilliant. He cut the cord and kissed our daughter whilst I held her. Then he got her dressed and put her first nappy on, even though he was terrified and didn't know what he was doing. It was the most wonderful experience of my life. If my mum had been there, she would have probably taken over at almost every point. Not because she would mean to push dh out, but because she has been through it all and knows what she is doing. If your mum can't be there, you might just find that it is actually a blessing in disguise because you will have your dh to share the experience with.

Tribeca10013 · 07/01/2015 17:01

Now isnt the time to be stressing about family dynamics and sil said this,did that
Best wishes when baby arrives,this is your time.put any existing gripes to one side

GlitzAndGigglesx · 07/01/2015 17:06

No I don't think your mum is bu but your SIL is

Discopanda · 07/01/2015 17:06

My mum went away 2 weeks before my brother's baby was due, baby was two weeks late anyhoo.

Original poster
Littledragon13 · 07/01/2015 17:08

Thanks everyone. I think I just had a wobble and a panic about impending labour!

It will only be me and DP in the delivery room regardless of weather my mum is here or not, sorry I didn't make that clear! I just thought my mum would be local and there to support us if need be x

OP posts:
livsmommy · 07/01/2015 17:08

You are being a bit U I think.....the world doesn't revolve around you and your baby your mum can go on holiday when she likes, and it's not worth getting worked up over, there's a good chance she will be around to be there. Go easy on your SIL. Its bloody heartbreaking when you can't get pregnant yet everybody around you is. Don't take it personally that she is not speaking to you.

Mammanat222 · 07/01/2015 17:09

So your mum should be back around your due date?

Seems fine to me. Its not as if she has planned to go away for two weeks on your due date.

It's quite unlikely you'll have baby that early. Unlikely not impossible though and I must confess I know at least two people in RL that have had baby spontaneously early (SIL at 38w 2d and friend at 39w)

I'm due in 2 weeks and although my mum won't be at the birth I confess I'd be quite sad if I don't see her pretty soon after I have baby.

TheRealMaryMillington · 07/01/2015 17:11

Are they maybe having IVF or some other reason.

So long as your mum knows you can't hold the baby back till she's home then just relax and let whatever happen.

The last thing on earth I would have wanted was my mum at any of my kids births, in fact I am pretty sure my last labour didn't start until she was at least 100 miles away.

Let whatever SIL did or didn't do do, she is obviously in a fragile place, and getting upset isn't what you need right now.

magicpixie · 07/01/2015 17:25

personally I would never ever go on holiday if my dd was due to have a baby in two weeks

no way

but its booked now so I guess you have to suck it up

good luck hope all goes well

TheCraicDealer · 07/01/2015 17:32

My SIL (who has found my whole pregnancy very difficult as she is TTC and won't talk to me) originally booked the holiday the week the baby is due but my mum said she couldn't go then so they moved the dates slightly.

It sounds like your Mum is trying to juggle supporting you whilst remaining sensitive to her DIL who's obviously taken your pregnancy hard. She's already intervened to have her move the dates and that was probably a very awkward conversation. She's in a very difficult position and is trying to keep a lot of people happy; if it was her child rather than her DIL acting like this she could easily tell them to catch themselves on, but few families can be that blunt with in-laws.

There are so many imponderables- you could go early, you could go overdue- you'd be talking about 'blocking out' a good six or so weeks for your mum to guarantee being in the country. You've said you'll cope, and even if you go into labour on day 1 of their holiday she'll be back in less than a fortnight.

waitingfor3 · 07/01/2015 17:33

YABU to expect her to not want to show care for your sis. And in labour there isn't much she can actually do. The practical assist comes after it, it's great if you want her and she wants to support you. And she'll be there then.

UmizoomiThis · 07/01/2015 17:39

It's funny because we focus so much on the pregnancy bit with our first and the way our bodies change... But unless you're blessed with one of those wonderful, mystical easy newborns, you and your partner will both be on your knees with exhaustion during your first months as parents... And you will be thankful your mum's annual holiday got pushed up before your due date.

FreeWee · 07/01/2015 17:46

My DM went to a ludicrously far away place over my due date (couldn't get further from my house and still be on planet earth!) and I went 11 days overdue. As long as she isn't going where my DM went then she can always fly back on her own if she needs to.