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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Mums going on holiday 2 weeks before my due date

58 replies

Littledragon13 · 07/01/2015 16:49

My mum is going abroad for two weeks right before my due date, this is my first baby and my mums first grandchild. She has been so involved and wants to be there at the birth (I also want her to be there too!) so I can't understand why she's booked to go away so close to due date?

My SIL (who has found my whole pregnancy very difficult as she is TTC and won't talk to me) originally booked the holiday the week the baby is due but my mum said she couldn't go then so they moved the dates slightly.

My mum has told me not to worry and that everything will be fine. AIBU?

OP posts:

Norfolkandchance1234 · 07/01/2015 17:51

Yanbu because you know that your SIL booked it to piss you off and put your DM in an awkward position.

Mammanat222 · 07/01/2015 17:56

Just to clarify OP. Your SIL is trying to conceive and doesn't speak to you? WTF?

Does she not speak to you since you got pregnant? I'd be more pissed off that your mum is enabling some pretty nasty behaviour from your SIL (I mean why is she going away with someone who isn't speaking to her daughter when her daughter is due to give birth?)

ChatEnOeuf · 07/01/2015 17:57

It's annoying for you, but your SiL probably wants some support around what will be a difficult time for her too. The first grandchild in a family is a big event and she's probably completely gutted it's not her that's having it.

It would be lovely if your mum could be there, but if not, at least you do have your partner.

Nanny0gg · 07/01/2015 18:05

It's the OP's SiL who booked the holiday and who isn't speaking to the OP. So don't tell me it wasn't deliberate.

I'd never heard of the Mother-to-Be wanting her mother at the birth until my DD asked me. It was amazing. And a privilege. And a couple of my friends were also asked to be with their DDs.

As long as the OP's partner is happy with it, it's not really anyone else's business, is it?

WrappedInABlankie · 07/01/2015 18:10

My mother took herself and my brother to CUBA the day before my due date leaving me at home on my own. I was 18. the fact she spent the whole pregnancy telling me she's having nothing to do with it she told me to wait till she got home to have him.

I went in to be induced two days before she was due home. I had him within 12 hours of her being back all she did was moan. All I wanted was to be alone tbh.

You're being unreasonable. It's your baby and your labour yes you want her there but unfortunately she can do as she wishes. It's your first so how fully it'll come once she's home try not to stress.

thewavesofthesea · 07/01/2015 18:14

My parents had booked a holiday within a couple of weeks of my due date with my first; they cancelled but only because they wanted to, not because I asked them to. Understandable to want your mum around but the birth is only the beginning. Sounds like your poor mum is trying to please everyone. Good luck with everything :-)

TheFairyCaravan · 07/01/2015 18:15

Maybe your SIL is actually being kind. She might have booked the holiday for 2 weeks before having done research and found first babies are quite often late. She could've thought you'd need your mum more when your DH has gone back to work, so going away when the baby was 6-8 weeks old would be worse.

YABU

WrappedInABlankie · 07/01/2015 18:15

I missed the bit about her not being I. The room anyway.

Well yes YABU lol in the nicest way if she's here or Australis she can give support over the phone Ect if she's not going to be in the room. Relax honestly you'll be fine once you're in labour you'll forget all about it!

SorchaN · 07/01/2015 18:23

YANBU. Most pregnant women want their mum to be around somewhere in the background if not in the delivery room, just in case, or for emotional or practical support. You just need to know she's there. Your SIL should not have booked the holiday so close to your due date, and your mum shouldn't have agreed to go, even at the rearranged dates. If it were me, I'd be asking your mum whether she's prepared to come home at short notice if your baby arrives early.

On the other hand, most babies are late (because the due date they give you isn't actually based on the average length of human gestation - in fact you're very likely to be up to 8 days late). So things will probably all work out ok in the end. But I do think your mum needs to reassure you that she'll be there for you.

wigglesrock · 07/01/2015 18:26

I think FairyCaravan has a point - whether or not your sil meant to, she's probably done you a favour. If the holiday is a long standing thing, its not going to be cancelled, so I'd take my chances with baby not coming early but having my Mum about after. If sil had stuck to the usual time of the holiday and your baby was 10 days late, they'd be going away 6 weeks or so after the birth for 2 weeks. Sometimes that's when you need help & support the most.

Fleurchamp · 07/01/2015 18:28

I think it's a difficult situation because of your SIL, as others have said you may be late and at least she will be back in time to help with the tricky first few weeks.

My mum has booked a holiday (way before she knew about my baby) for the day before my due date!! She is so upset and I am having to stop her cancelling and losing her money. In fairness she is only going for 10 days and I think I will need her more once my DH has gone back to work.

Norfolkandchance1234 · 07/01/2015 18:28

OP I think your DM knows she will be spending a lot of time with you after the birth so I guess it's kind of her to have a bit of time with your SIL even though you know the timings are all a bit daft. Your DM sounds really lovely. I hope it all goes well for you

UmmAbdillah · 07/01/2015 18:47

YANBU - I agree with SorchaN, it's understandable you'd want your mum around for support. I was a week early with my DS (1st child) last year so who knows when you'll go into labour. DM wasnt in the labour room (that was lovely bonding time with DH) but she was a massive help throughout pregnancy, particularly in end stages with cooking etc and afterwards both DH and I appreciated the family support looking after our newborn. There are some pretty harsh comments about how it's YOUR baby and your mums an adult who doesn't need too urgent life on hold etc, but it doesn't apply in every situation: I'm very close to my mum and as my DS is her first/only grandchild the pregnancy was a major part of all of our lives! Such a precious time, becoming a mother for the first time often strengthens our relationships with our own DMs as we experience what they went through for us etc... Okay, totally digressing! Hope it all works out for you and your mum gets to be there to share it with you

UmmAbdillah · 07/01/2015 18:47

Urgent = put

PowderMum · 07/01/2015 18:50

OP YANBU, this is you DM not your SIL's mum, I would have been more than slightly miffed if my DM had gone away that close to me due date, but then I did let my DH travel 3 hours away for work 3 weeks before my due date.

I am close to my DM and the rest of the family, when my DN (1st grandchild) was born my DM and I were at the hospital to see DSis as soon as we were allowed, then DM came into her own helping out, running errands etc. she was even more help for me as I went overdue by 2 weeks, and ended up needing to go to the hospital every day for a check up, couldn't drive myself as I didn't fit behind the wheel, DH couldn't keep taking time off work so DM stepped in.

I think your SIL has an ulterior motive.

ShowMeTheWonder · 07/01/2015 19:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Letmeeatcakecakecake · 07/01/2015 19:26

OP if you think that's bad- my DP is going on a stag weekend 2 weeks before my due date!

Bodicea · 07/01/2015 20:26

I would rather have my mum around after paternity leave was over. Incidentally my mum was really ill with a cold when I had my son so didn't spend any time with him for the first week at all (apart from one quick look). She felt bad at the time but got over it pretty soon. And in terms of father /son bonding I think it was the best thing for DH. Fathers can often be made to feel pushed out/useless when MILs are around in those first few weeks.

Harverina · 07/01/2015 20:31

Because you have asked your mum to be at the birth and she says that she wants to be then YANBU.

Of course as others posters have pointed out it maybe a blessing as you will have her around after the birth if all goes to plan.

However if my dd was pregnant with my first dgc and I had the privilege of being asked to be there? There is no way I would be going away so close to the due date.

I get that she wants to please you both but your sil is being unkind.

Jessica78 · 07/01/2015 20:48

Have you made much effort to include your SIL in your pregnancy? You will have the one thing she wants most in the world - a child, so you can afford to be generous towards her surely?

SASASI · 07/01/2015 21:33

I know someone who's mum went on holiday over her planned c-section date - hol booked after c-section. That is VVVUR

Your SIL BU. I think your mum has just got swept up in it & will regret it closer to the time. I hope she is not on holiday when you give birth.

Caravanoflove · 07/01/2015 21:43

I can understand how you feel op. My mum died when I was pregnant with my first. My dad (they were divorced) booked a holiday for my due date and it really upset me not having someone around for support.
YANBU

drudgetrudy · 07/01/2015 21:46

I think that your SIL has put your Mum in an awkward situation. Your Mum probably doesn't really want to go but is trying to be fair to your brother and SIL and to be sensitive to their situation.
Hopefully she will be back in time for the birth but if not she will definitely be around to help afterwards.
Your partner will be there anyway. I would just go with the flow.

middleagedbread · 07/01/2015 21:53

OP, my mum did this too but I didn't mind because she wasn't going to be at the birth anyway, just DH. However I see that your mum says she wants to be at the birth so I understand why you are about it.

As it happens our firstborn was born the day she left so we had two weeks to get to know her before mum came home. This was precious time for us and we struggled along together to care for her (because we knew nothing about caring for a baby; she had a lot to put up with lol) and it certainly brought us closer together.

Good luck with the impending birth, OP, baby will come when ready and if your mum misses out on the birth, that's her loss.

Fragglerock123 · 07/01/2015 22:34

my MIL and FIL were away the week i was due, didnt really think about it as it was always going to be me and DH in delivery room but i was 14 days overdue anyway so everyone was around.

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