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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

G/Children sleepover at granny's house

719 replies

Zabelithe · 04/01/2015 20:00

I'd be interested to hear at what age most of you mums let your DD and DS sleep at granny's house. I ask because our GD who is 4 and a half has still not been allowed to stay at ours despite the fact we have looked after her during the day while mum was working.

OP posts:
Hakluyt · 08/01/2015 21:12

And imagine the outrage if the OP now went to ask her son about this,

RB68 · 08/01/2015 21:28

I can't remember but she was quite young - well under 6mths (and yes she was a premmie at 31weeks), and has gone for between one and two weeks a year to my parents since then, yes whole weeks of a 2 yr old staying with my 65 yr old Mum. Who incidentally brought up 6 kids perfectly well so knows what she is doing. She hasn't stayed with MIL on her own but then she was 77 when she was born, and really MIL wouldn't really know what to do with her other than take her to bingo with her - but then again DD would prob love that. She has child sat for us no issues I loved going to the Derby and Joan with my Granny who cooked for them, everyone would chat to us and we would then get to go and play pool in the youth club side of the hall... Both my sisters have had her stay too, although one I make sure she doesn't stay too long as she feels like she has to entertain her 24/7 and wears herself out with it, but DD as an only is quite self sufficient. I do think it is important that children wherever possible have a one to one relationship with GP beyond sitting still in the living room on a visit, its all part of socialising kids and setting them up with relationships with other adult people. In fact as a parent I think it is my responsibility to ensure she has that support network with with all close relatives including cousins. I try not to let my relationships with my siblings and parents effect her relationship with them. Cait does miss me when she goes away but she knows I am coming back I turn up when I say, she is confident enough to express any issues with the family members, and I make sure I ring her most days unless for some reason its not possible e.g. days out, working and timing etc. She also stays with her cousins at my parents too although their numbers are growing so that may get curtailed although she is getting to an age she can help with little ones (she is 9) to some extent, which is also good for her as an only child to feel a sibling like relationship. I do feel sometimes its more about the parent than the child when a conscious "No staying over" is applied rather than just circumstantial. Its a bit like the kid who cries and kicks off about going to school when Mum takes him and is as good as gold when I take him... He is clearly not unhappy going to school per se.

RB68 · 08/01/2015 21:31

Oh and my parents are over 2 hrs away driving too

iamusuallybeingunreasonable · 08/01/2015 21:44

Are you sure you are not ad illusion so MIL Hak?

Honestly, if the DIL does deal with all the childcare and she says no without consulting her husband then it's still a no, I deal with all our childcare so this know more about the ins and outs of it than my husband, and he respects me enough to value that and take my lead in matters

Your poor future DIL

iamusuallybeingunreasonable · 08/01/2015 21:45

A dillusional MIL*

mytimewillcome · 08/01/2015 21:51

Yep. I see hakluyt as one of 'those' mils in training. I had no idea it started so early though.

iamusuallybeingunreasonable · 08/01/2015 21:54

You either have it or you don't Wink

Hakluyt · 08/01/2015 22:05

So, just to be clear. You think that, if a child's grandmother, who is obviously reliable, safe and non toxic, says "Please could Magenta stay the night with us on Thursday?" it is perfectly OK to say "No" with no other explanation, and that's the end of the matter? And that the grandmother concerned would be unreasonable to be remotely hurt or upset by this?

Hakluyt · 08/01/2015 22:07

And that it is inherently unreasonable, controlling and "playing mummy" to want your grandchildren to spent the night with you occasionally?

iamusuallybeingunreasonable · 08/01/2015 22:07

Yes that's right

NotEntirelyWhelmed · 08/01/2015 22:08

Am I the only one disturbed by how many babies barely out of the womb are going to stay with the grandparents? I'm not one of "those" mothers. I was back at work when my kids were six months old, but a newborn baby should be with their primary caregivers (unless they are physically or mentally incapacitated). It quite frankly astounds me that people are so ready to hand over tiny babies like that.

iamusuallybeingunreasonable · 08/01/2015 22:08

When it's clearly not wanted yes again

iamusuallybeingunreasonable · 08/01/2015 22:09

Bedtimes for sleeping

Hakluyt · 08/01/2015 22:09

Wow. You are definitely one of those DILs. Maybe time to have a little think about your attitudes?

iamusuallybeingunreasonable · 08/01/2015 22:09

Not socialising with the extended clan

iamusuallybeingunreasonable · 08/01/2015 22:10

Nope I'm fine thanks and thankfully don't have a bullying MIL

loiner45 · 08/01/2015 22:11

It's simply not true that all DILs have issues with MILs Hmm. I've been much closer to my MIL than I was to my dm, she has been my main support for childcare and backup. I don't think this is odd or unusual, my own dm had a great relationship with her MIL, two of my closest friends love their MILs and spend lots of time with them.

I have no doubt that some MILs are difficult - but so are some DILs. Some people, sadly, treat others badly, being a MIL or DIL is not the reason for that - they're just not nice people.

merrymouse · 08/01/2015 22:13

In that situation it would be me talking to my mum or DH talking to his mum and it would depend on our relationships with our mothers.

Sagethyme · 08/01/2015 22:17

As soon as they started sleeping through the night! I relish having a night with dh and no early morning wake up call!

iamusuallybeingunreasonable · 08/01/2015 22:19

Back to the beginning, it's fine if you want to, it's also fine if you don't

Hakluyt · 08/01/2015 22:24

Show me where anyone has talked about "bullying".......

mytimewillcome · 08/01/2015 22:25

Iamusually I don't know you but I think you are wonderful Smile

slithytove · 08/01/2015 22:27

It doesn't sound like ops dil has said "no". It sounds like she's said "no, she's too young".

Which is fine! And for all op knows, has been agreed with her ds too.

iamusuallybeingunreasonable · 08/01/2015 22:29

Ah shucks!! Shane my MIL doesn't feel that way - haha, only joking Wink

NotEntirelyWhelmed · 08/01/2015 22:30

I've no problem with being one of those DILs. Or daughters, for that matter. It takes a village to fuck off and let me get on with raising my children. I believe in boundaries and lots of them.