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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think being a parent gets easier?

151 replies

Inbl00m · 04/01/2015 13:57

Dd is 16 weeks, and I'd mentally prepared myself for having a baby to be "the hardest thing" I'd ever do, and still it's WAY harder. My mum says every stage is hard because you've never done it before. DH isn't very reassuring as he believes it only gets harder from here. I can't help but think it MUST be a bit easier when they can at least sit up for themselves... Aibu?

OP posts:
Hamuketsu · 04/01/2015 17:20

It depends whether you react worse to physical exhaustion or emotional turmoil, IME. Baby stage was relentless but teens are terrifying. But we got some easier years in between those stages to recover/prepare :) So to say "it gets harder" or "it gets easier" is too simple because there are too many variables. It also depends on the individual children.

mewkins · 04/01/2015 17:22

I think it depends on where your comfort zone is. I have a baby and a child who has just started school. The older one is a handful at times but lovely and clever and funny. The baby is teething and miserable at times. I am much more comfortable with a 6mo than with a 3mo and even happier when they get to the mobile stage. When they drop naps I am delighted as it feels like we can get on with the fun stuff!

ZingTheGreat · 04/01/2015 17:26

late to party but I must say I don't think it will get "ultimately" easier.

some aspects will become easier but by sod's law these very things will make life harder in a different way

when baby can crawl yes, they will be less reliant on you to entertain them, but boy will they have fun crawling under the bed then get stuck a scream bloody murder!
you will not ne holding the little rascal all day, instead they will be under foot or you have to watch them like an eagle
when they are teens they can make you a nice cup of tea, oh how lovely, but will also raid your fridge and devour that last slice of cake you had my heart set on. and these are just the lovely examples.Wink

the more independent they get the more you will worry about their safety. that will never go away. so no, it won't just get easier - but that doesn't matter, you'll "grow" with them and learn to adjust to new circumstances.

but beware, they will always be one step ahead of you and will surprise you time and again of what they capable of, good or bad.

enjoy the journey, it might be tough, but will be fun too. Congratulations on your little baby! Thanks

fredfredsausagehead1 · 04/01/2015 17:27

It depends which stage you like but mine are aged from 5-13 now and I look back on the baby days thinking how did I Do it? I survived that I can survive anything. Have good relationships with all my kids now so it is easier in a way but different. You have to realise that hey need you just as much but there will be times when they don't need you at all! Or they think they don't!Wink
Physically it gets easier but do be prepared you need to invest so so much more than you realise in those teenage years, plus the foundations you're laying down now when they're young will help! And it may be some time til you reap the reward. Hang on in!

SaucyJack · 04/01/2015 17:28

Yes, it doesn't get easier- it just changes.

I find the whole

monkeymamma · 04/01/2015 17:30

It gets easier... Then it gets harder again... Then easier, and so on. Just loads of different stages each with new challenges and more loveliness. Fwiw though nothing feels harder than those first few months because it's such a huge adjustment becoming responsible for a new person. And you so want to do it 'right'. We're onto week four with ds2 and so far it seems easy peasy compared to how it was with ds1. But a lot of that is to do with having already put ds1 at the heart of our lives so it's not a shock. And you worry less so it's less tiring.
With ds1 I found the first year tough but it got so much easier after 12m (and one year olds are gorgeous!). Partly because he was sleeping through after 12m (I finally plucked up the courage to do gentle sleep training then) and partly because from that point he's developed more and more of his own interests so can play completely independently now he's (nearly) 3.
I think parenting is a lot like doing extreme sports/survival activities. It's the hardest thing you've ever done and the best but it's the best because it's the hardest - there's a beautiful quote from Le petit prince, something about the time you spent on your rose being what makes it so sweet - too sleep deprived to remember it just now though :-D

XinaW · 04/01/2015 17:31

Each stage has its difficulties. I have one at uni and am worried about the £60k he will leave uni with and how he will ever pay that off and afford to rent somewhere. My eldest has a degre but can't find a FT job, so has had to return home.

In some ways it is easier when you have some control over their life but in all honesty the worries are there whatever age they are at. Being a parent is a life long job

SaucyJack · 04/01/2015 17:31

Yeah, it doesn't get easier- it just changes.

I really loathe and struggle with the drudgery of school days. Nagging to get ready in the morning, tired stroppy kids after school, nagging to go to sleep and the endless washing of fucking polo shirts.

RichardParkerTheTiger · 04/01/2015 17:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

minibmw2010 · 04/01/2015 17:34

It's just different. Now my son is 3.5 I realise the baby stage was way easier Smile

TarkaTheOtter · 04/01/2015 17:53

OP if you have a refluxy baby then there is a lot higher chance things will get better.

Notso · 04/01/2015 17:54

Funnily enough RichardParker I found two under two relatively easy in comparison to 3 and 2 and now 4 and nearly 3.

My oldest is 14 and I have found the teenage years are more worrying than any other time.

scousadelic · 04/01/2015 18:26

I think it just changes and you tend to remember the good bits more than the bad so each stage seems harder than the one before if that makes sense.

It definitely gets easier physically (although teenagers can keep you awake almost as much as babies!) but the worries, while maybe not as frequent, tend to be bigger ones. My DCs are in their 20s now and I still worry about them, don't think I'll ever manage to stop

tilliebob · 04/01/2015 18:26

Absolutely Notso - teens need you in a totally different way even if they don't realise it. When kids are wee you know what they are doing/wearing/eating etc etc. Giving teens freedom, dealing with hormones, exams, outside pressures etc is exhausting in a way that is different from the baby and toddler years. As a couple DH and I find having any privacy hard as the teens are still up by the time we're heading to bed. Someone wise once said that teenagers are toddlers in 6 foot in my case grown up bodies, and they were absolutely right!

Spinaroo · 04/01/2015 18:33

Physically it gets easier- and you also grow into your new role. I agree however that each stage brings its own (new) challenges-they certainly like to keep us on our toes. I have done the crying, the worry about childhood illnesses, the tantrums, the poo withholding, the social skills, the transitions, the friendship sagas, and am preparing for the external exams, boyfriends and staying out too late etc. nor with dread as such but with a certain amount of trepidation.

LokiBear · 04/01/2015 18:39

My dd is now 3.5 and I can promise you, it is easier than when she was a baby! You will always worry and each stage brings it's own challenges I'm sure, but, for me, the baby stage was so much harder than I expected.

BornToFolk · 04/01/2015 18:41

I found the baby stage the hardest. Once DS (now 7) was talking it got progressively easier and easier. He was a very easy toddler and so far, has been an easy-going, interesting child!
I love that he can do so much for himself now, and that he is genuinely helpful around the house. And he has his own interests that we can talk about and we can do things like go for a run together.

The worry never goes away and the things you worry about will change but in general I find the day to day parenting of a child much easier than looking after a small baby.

SoggyOldBiscuit · 04/01/2015 19:18

I think it is much easier when they start talking. Easier again when they can be left unattended at times and then when they are able to do things for themselves.

My 10 year DS will sometimes tell me to sit down and relax while he makes me a cup of tea. He makes it perfectly as well & will offer toast as well if he is in a kind mood Smile

We can go to the cinema together and see things we both actually enjoy, go out for nice lunches, go clothes shopping together, there are loads of things we can do now that are genuinely fun rather than just tiring or boring for me (soft play, anyone?!)

Toddlers are fun too, but the tantrums, food-throwing, toilet-training etc is just exhausting sometimes.

A few people, with older children, have said to me recently that it doesn't get easier, it just changes. I wonder if they have actually forgotten what the baby stage was like! As I still have little ones and an older DC, I can still compare them. I definitely think it just gets easier and easier. Especially when you start sleeping again.

WyrdByrd · 04/01/2015 19:22

My DD is 10.

I would say it has definitely got easier as she's got older, but there will always be phases when it gets tough again for a short while - adjusting to nursery/school, friendship issues, puberty etc.

Touch wood I can't imagine anything ever being as tough as the first 4-5 months of parenthood!

ToffeeCaramel · 04/01/2015 19:25

Eldest is 10 and for me the primary school years have been easier than the baby and toddler years as they can do more for themselves and I get a full night's sleep now.

waitingforthegroundtoopen · 04/01/2015 19:26

Dd is not long 2, she although not a dream baby she was relitivly easy. Mostly content to be left to play on her mat from 8 weeks. Cried very little. Took to solid food well. Would sleep anywhere in her pushchair when tired. Not a great night time sleeper but only ever woke up for short periods and was easy to resetle.

The past few weeks she has turned into a living nightmare. She's mastered the art of an unendable toddler temper tantrum. Fights bed time despite not having had a day time sleep since 18 months. Refusing food, so waking up hungery for hours on end at night and then not wanting to go back to sleep. Screams I don't want it, like it, want to etc at the top of her lungs. Won't sit still for 2 seconds. Throws things around rather than play with them or us. Can escape from buggy and car seat!

Personally I find her easiest now. Although she has her moments I know her. She's not some mystery that I working on pure guess work. She can communicate her likes a dislikes, albeit there's an almightly temper tantrum when the answer's no, and sometimes even when the answer's yes! She's not completely helpless and entirely reliant on me. It doesn't take us hours to get ready to leave to go anywhere and I don't have to take half the house with me, I can sometimes just leave with her and my keys. She goes through more clothes than when she was tiny.

It's all swings and round abouts. Dh found her easy as a baby (although went out to work, wasn't breast feeding, got a lot more sleep, had me; the baby instruction manule on hand most of the time) is finding this stage much harder.

My wise and lovely dad told me it doesn't just magically get eaiser with your children but you're never in the same helpless position as you were when they were brand new. You grow with them and although there are always new worries and hardships, there are bigger and better rewards at every stage.

BathshebaDarkstone · 04/01/2015 19:27

Tinkly I think after reading your synopsis it's time to open the WineShock

ithoughtofitfirst · 04/01/2015 19:31

I found when ds could crawl and anything from then on a MIRACULOUS difference and so much easier.

In fact I really took how easy he was for granted and now I'm struggling with him and a newborn. But I know its going to get easier.

Ragwort · 04/01/2015 19:35

I personally find being a parent to a teenager the most difficult stage - I was lucky I guess in that I had a very 'easy' baby (ie: no sleeping/feeding issues Grin), I was at a stage in my life where I was financially very secure and happy to give up work ........ but fast forward 13 years, life is tougher, I needed to go back to work and dealing with a teenager is hard - they are not entirely independent, yet don't want to be dependent on you IYSWIM - I prefer not to leave my 13 year old DS alone all day every day, but there's not much we actually enjoy doing together so it all becomes a bit of a drudge, for him as much as for me I am sure Sad.

ithoughtofitfirst · 04/01/2015 19:41

Ah ragwort send him down the mines. That'll learn him!

I can imagine finding the teenage years very difficult too tbh.