to think being a parent gets easier?

[Inbl00m]

Dd is 16 weeks, and I'd mentally prepared myself for having a baby to be "the hardest thing" I'd ever do, and still it's WAY harder. My mum says every stage is hard because you've never done it before. DH isn't very reassuring as he believes it only gets harder from here. I can't help but think it MUST be a bit easier when they can at least sit up for themselves... Aibu?

[Canigetanamen]

My nephews 13 and been bailed for rape, expelled from school she longs for the days when he wouldn't eat his greens




I feel that your worried they will make bad choices usually for boys drugs and police and being hurt by other teens and usually for girls they will end up pregnant of with a looser.

I worry about sex a lot hoping he's dosent become a young parent like I did I have been pretty much on edge since he started his GCSES their are no re sits any more I worry about when he starts driving will be be responsible for him and others.

Teens in my view are just as much a worry and toddlers

[weegiemum]

I'm finding teenage problems much harder than anything so far. I used to be able to kiss it better. I can't for my almost-15yo dd1 now and it's just harder than anything I've ever done .... including having pnd and 3 dc under 4.

[Canigetanamen]

Add message | Report | Message poster weegiemum Sun 04-Jan-15 19:45:47
I'm finding teenage problems much harder than anything so far. I used to be able to kiss it better. I can't for my almost-15yo dd1 now and it's just harder than anything I've ever done .... including having pnd and 3 dc under 4.


Totally agree wedgie mum The hardest thing is sometimes watching them fail I have a 15 year old and it's them asking for advice them doing the total opposite and watching it all go wrong like a slow mo car crash.


And it's made all the more difficult because of the hormones one minute your the best mum in the word 5 minutes later they hate you dd is mostly well behaved at school and at home but he has flashes of subboness and often makes these tiny things escalate

[manechanger]

thanks tinkly, I have 4 with 8 years between oldest and youngest so as the oldest leaves teendom the youngest will enter. Hurray! dd is looking good at the moment but I'm on the lookout.

OP i was just remembering a day when she was little and we were in the midst of the allergy/not putting on weight/feeding probs/sicky stuff she sat in her chair giggling at me as I cried because I was so knackered. tbh, I think you need to be careful about over entertaining, an acquaintance of mine finds parenting exhausting but I watch her constantly putting on a magic show for her 2 year old who is virtually incapable of playing alone. Your baby should find you entertaining, I used to cook and narrate what I was doing or clean I didn't sit playing all day. Also I used to make sure I went out once a day just to get out of the pit

[bellybuttonfairy]

I have 3dc. They are 8,5 and 3. Having dc1 as a baby was incredibly difficult. The sleep depravation/hours of mind numbing entertainment of small whingy child.

Nearly broke me.

My children are all now a delight. Funny and lovely. They do bicker but generally great company. We've had a few ups and down last year with dc1 as she had major surgery and she was struggling terribly in school. She has now been diagnosed as dyslexic so things have improved hugely for her since.

Still its all much easier to deal with than my first (albeit gorgeous) dc as a new baby.

[Maddaddam]

I've found it easier all the way from 3 years onwards. Mine are 14, 13 and 10 now and it is relatively peaceful.

I do wonder if the worst of the teen stage hasn't yet hit, but so far I'm finding having teenagers great fun. dd1 and dd3 just cooked dinner while I flopped around on the sofa. That's a far cry from the baby and toddler chaos.

[RumbleMum]

OP, as Tarka said I think there's a decent chance it'll get easier for you. Sounds like you're having a tough time with the reflux and tiredness and it's really hard dealing with an endlessly unhappy/unsettled/whingy baby all day.

Four months is a tricky age anyway, as IME they can get a bit frustrated they can't sit up and manipulate things how they want. DS1 was like this (though silent reflux rather than normal reflux so lots of screaming but much less mess) and it all got rather better around six months when he could sit by himself and pick up toys.

Although it's very sweet at this age when they can smile at you, I think it's around the 10-12 month mark where their personalities really start to come through that there's some real payback for all the hard bits, IYSWIM.

Hang on in there, and be a bit kinder to yourself - you're obviously being really caring and conscientious (and are not being a crap mum - everyone feels like they've made a massive mistake at some point!).

[TooManyMochas]

DS is only three so its early days, but I can't imagine anything harder than the baby phase (at least for me - it definitely depends massively on your own personality and on the child). I've found it gets steadily easier month by month and year by year. Six months was a big milestone, and then a year, and after that it was / is mostly fun. There are still things to worry about, but everything seems so much more manageable. I'm now back in the baby phase with a 2 week old and finding it so bloody hard, but at least I know there's light at the end of the tunnel.

[outtolunchagain]

Physically it definitely gets easier , that dragging tiredness of the early years is over . The best years are between 4 and 11 ,emotionally for me with 21,17 and13 this is the hardest it's ever been . The feeling of powerlessness as they struggle with life is really exhausting , with my eldest I am his emotional punchbag as well , I am constantly worrying about him .

How I wish things could be sorted with a cuddle and a story ,

[TooManyMochas]

Just wanted to add that I remember 16 weeks as a low point (for me it was when the sleep deprivation really hit home), but then by 6 months it really was easier.

[Inbl00m]

Aw thanks RumbleMum Think you're right about 4 months being a funny age as well. Dd is sitting almost independently and gets very frustrated lying down now, so wants to be held or propped up all the time. Cushions never quite make the grade for her either. I think trying to sit might also trigger her reflux a bit as she still looks a bit like the top half of her torso is squashing the bottom half at times.

manechanger what sort of age were yours when they would sit and watch you? Dd will sit in her bouncer for perhaps 5-10 minutes but not long enough for me to get much done. I'd love to be able to cook something and for her to sit and watch, but she gets upset if sat anywhere without me for too long.

[Aherdofmims]

For me with dd (6) it has got easier as it has gone along, and I adore the age she is now. She was a very difficult baby as she had health problems (clearly not her fault!). I also found the cruising stage very hard, but after that it got easier progressively.

I now have ds at the cruising stage. It is hard! He is 10 months and very heavy to carry at times when I can't put him down. We have been trying to make our house safer for cruising but of course it's never perfect. I am relying on the fact that with dd it got easier after this.

PS although I find this stage hard I find the early sleepless nights bit worse!

[tapenade70]

Dont think u can generalise. My baby sleeps 7 till 7 and is a textbook angel baby. At 8 months he is harder work than at 3 months i think but also it gets more fun the more interaction you get. If your baby doesnt sleep well i reckon it gets easier. If they sleep well now i reckon it gets harder!

[DisgraceToTheYChromosome]

It's always hard. Baby exhaustion and PND, toddler meltdowns and dodgy toileting, pre-school, primary, FUCKING FUCKING DISNEY PRINCESSES, secondary, teenage demons, piercings, Getting The Sex Talk Wrong etc.
And then one day there's this lovely person, helpful, kind and hardworking. "Ooh, I could get used to this".
Fat chance: you did it right and they're gone.
Still, it was mostly fun.

[Waltonswatcher]

Aahh
That reminds me of the mama Mia song...

[RumbaRumba]

My first baby very nearly broke me. She was always unsettled, didn't want to eat or sleep, and the loneliness and frustration oftrying to entertain her all day every day was a unique form of hell for a good while! My next two babies were angels, and it was so much easier as we had so much more to do,ie taking dd to nursery, then school every day, picking up more friends as went!

Oldest is now 10 and still mostly a delight, but the outside world is creeping in more and more, as is the pull of peer pressure. When things go wrong friendship wise it's devastating to watch, and the terror of starting to allow her more freedom (while knowing it has to be done!) is v daunting.

As someone once told me, little kids, little problems, big kids, big problems. When they're tiny you can make almost anything ok with a kiss from mummy, or a lollipop (for example). And you can completely control what they do and where they go. That makes life easier in so many ways!

[Jackw]

The sleep deprivation and feeling of panic when I couldn't stop them crying was definitely the worst bit for me so got better from 3 months on and kept on improving. Of course there are difficult phases but nothing like the utter desperation of those first few months, particularly with the first.

[Smoorikins]

For me the teenage years have been by FAR the easiest. I love having my teenagers around.

But it's clear that everyone is different, and some will find some aspects harder than others.

The most important thing is - it's totally worth it!

[MrsMook]

Only 4 years in, but it's got much easier in the last year as he's got more communicative and tantrums less. Sleep is a major factor and it's about 2 months since DS2 (20 months) started sleeping better and my body is beginning to adjust to adequate sleep. My sleep is dreadful in pregnancy so I only had a short gap of quality sleep between children.

What gets easier is the reducing physical dependency. In the first year, only mummy will do for much of the time. Ds2 is just begining to entertain himself so that's suddenly got easier.

There are phases and patterns that come and go, settled periods and demanding times.

[Aeroflotgirl]

I personally found the baby and toddler stage of both my children so hard in different ways. Its so draining, my ds is 3 and is still at the toddler preschool age, but dd is 7.5 and so much easier. More independent and less reliant on me, and does not wreck the blooming house.

[Strokethefurrywall]

I found the first year a breeze with DS1, who slept through from 10 days and was an absolute delight. He got more and more fun as the months went on but now at 3.4 is so active and non-stop that I find it much harder. His sleep has also gone all over the place with his imagination running wild so wakes up at least once a night - makes it harder that we have DS2 (9 months - also dream baby) so I'm expecting it to go to shit with him too!! DS1 is getting better as he gets older but definitely from 2 1/2 to 3 1/2 I've found the hardest - I'm waiting for the "dawn of reason" instead of the constant and relentless need to clb trees and somersault into the pool backwards...

[BrowersBlues]

My babies were great sleepers and lovely little toddlers. They are now 18 and 16 and every minute of every day is living hell. OK slight exaggeration but its not for the faint hearted.

[jellybeans]

So far for me teenage is by far the hardest. Stress beyond belief and the hurt they can and do inflict :( and make you feel a failure. Everything else seems a doddle compared to it.

[StarOnTheTree]

My DC were terrible sleepers and I didn't (and still don't) cope well with physical exhaustion so for me it's all just got easier and easier. I've found the teenage years the easiest to cope with, DD1 is 18 and DD2 is 14 and we've never had any real issues to deal with. There is never any drama and I love having them around not together though because they argue non stop

[SelfconfessedSpoonyFucker]

hahaha nope

HOWEVER, your capacity as a parent increases and you cope with the new stage because you have to and your child is relying on you so you manage and then get the hang of that too.