to think being a parent gets easier?

[Inbl00m]

Dd is 16 weeks, and I'd mentally prepared myself for having a baby to be "the hardest thing" I'd ever do, and still it's WAY harder. My mum says every stage is hard because you've never done it before. DH isn't very reassuring as he believes it only gets harder from here. I can't help but think it MUST be a bit easier when they can at least sit up for themselves... Aibu?

[dietcokeandwine]

Every stage has its ups and downs, personally I loved the baby stage each time and would say (looking back with my so-far -10-years experience of parenting) that birth to nine months was when I felt happiest, most secure and most confident. I just instinctively felt it was doing it 'right'.

From about 9 months old onwards it got a lot harder for me-babies got mobile, clingy, fussy, etc. I found the toddler stage incredibly hard and frustrating (am right in the thick of that now, with 23mo DS3). Potty training is a literal hell. So are the tantrums, the increased fussiness, the physical strength to fight you when they don't want to go in the car/buggy/supermarket trolley etc etc etc. You worry about their development, their speech, their motor skills. Are you doing enough with them? Too much? Too little? Etc etc.

I have genuinely enjoyed from about 3-7 (not as much pure simplistic happiness as the baby days, but the 'middle childhood' stage is a lovely one) but the challenges ramp up. Are they developing ok at school? Making friends? Is their reading progress as expected or a cause for concern? Any sen emerging? Etc etc. Same worries about are you doing do much/ too little and so on.

Upper primary brings more independence but again more challenges. More complex social situations, more complex homework / exams, are you doing enough, too much, too little. Are they going to cope at secondary school? Are they safe online? Are you allowing enough independence? Too much? Too little? Etc etc.

I can't comment on anything beyond 10, as I'm not there yet, but I'm dreading the teen years as possibly the worst yet. More pressure, more expectations, are they achieving, are they ok socially, are they safe. How much freedom, how many boundaries, etc etc. Lying in bed waiting for them to come home, hoping they're ok. And so on, and so on.

So no, I don't think it gets easier. Yes, babies are relentless, but each stage is hard in different ways. Joyous too in different ways, of course, and to each parent some stages are more enjoyable than others. But I don't think you should hang out for your life getting easier as your DC gets older. It will be fun and amazing in so many ways but an utter bloody stress fest in others.

[RumbleMum]

I think as PP said it depends on your DC and you.

Ds1 (4.5) was a nightmare as a baby (he had undiagnosed silent reflux and was generally frustrated at being a baby) and when someone told me it only got harder I went home and wept. They were wrong - it only got easier with him, though of course there are always tough phases.

Ds2 (1.4) has been an easy baby and is gradually getting harder.

You are in a really tough phase right now - I think you'll find many things get easier, especially once you're getting more sleep.

[DaisyFlowerChain]

The baby stage is easy, it's navigating them through school and teenage years where it takes more time.

[Mammanat222]

Have found my son progressively harder work but also much more rewarding too. He was a very easy newborn / baby though.

He's 25 months so still some way to go until he is an adult !!

[Bunbaker]

DD is 14. For me the easiest years were the primary school years. Right now it is awful. Bullying at school, nasty ex boyfriend, GCSEs - all are a bad combination.

[tumbletumble]

Mine are 5, 7 and 9 so I don't have experience of teenagers, but it's much easier now than when they were babies and toddlers.

[Mrscog]

I found 16-30 months the hardest if I'm honest. I found the baby stage quite easy, but the toddler stage knocked me for 6.

[myotherusernameisbetter]

It does really depend, my two were fairly easy babies, very physically demanding toddlers (as in full on energy) and i'd say it's probably more emotional challenge now that they are 13 and 14, but I have to say it's not too bad so far. Each stage has it's advantages and disadvantages I think. When they are small and stay where you put them is pretty good. My teens aren't particularly social so I find it hard trying to find things for us all to do that they don't find boring and when they were younger it was easy just to head to a soft play or park

I am expecting it to get worse if and when girls (or boys I suppose!) appear on the scene but I am otherwise enjoying them at the moment.

[HangingInAGruffaloStance]

Dd is 3.5. I would say overall things are much easier than when she was a baby.

I think the early days are unique in their relentlessness and also in how tired you can be. At least now I usually get sleep and a break (when at work!).

[TherapyRequired]

I found 0-6 months awful. Silent reflux, sleep deprivation and PND did not help. From 6 months or so it got easier - or rather, I got used to it and got a bit more confident. DD started Reception this year and although she still doesn't sleep through, it is so much better than the baby days. She is great company and quite self-sufficient in a lot of ways. There are new challenges that emerge but I feel much more sure of myself now and much more able to handle them.

[thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter]

For me it got easier when they were about 1.5 yrs but as my nana says don't wish their lives away they grow up so fast and she's totally right!

[DeckTheHallsWithBartimaeus]

Mine are 3.3 and 8 months and Im near breaking point right now.

In many ways DS1 is way easier than this time last year. He can talk, get undressed, put his coat on, is toilet trained, can feed himself etc. but he still doesnt sleep well and has severe reflux. 3+ years of severe sleep deprivation and cleaning up sick is taking its toll.

DS2 is a much easier baby than DS1 was but wakes up every hour at night so is adding to the sleep deprivation.

At 4 months I was struggling with DS1, but it only got harder (for me) because he continued to sleep badly. With most other things (food, tantrums) we've been lucky.

[TheFirstOfHerName]

It becomes physically easier (you get more sleep and bits of time to yourself) but mentally and emotionally harder. So it evens out to be similar.

[TheFirstOfHerName]

I found the stage from 5 years to 8 years (say Year 1 to Year 4) the most straightforward so far.

[TheFirstOfHerName]

Then when they reach adolescence it all starts to kick off again.

[GreenShadow]

I don't think it gets harder or easier, just different.

Ours are now teens and above so we don't have the hands on side of it any more, just the psychological bits. We do get free time and sleep, which makes everything seem easier, but still have exams/where to go next etc to worry about.

[redskybynight]

I think it depends. I had a child who basically didn't sleep until he was 3.5 so that was a huge huge amount of physical and mental exhaustion. But essentially looking after a young child isn't "hard" - it just needs patience and perseverance. Much harder when they get older because you cant' instantly fix things. My 8 year old at the moment wants to dye her hair blonde because people will like her better, there's no easy solution to that.

[motherinferior]

Hell yeah. Mine are now 11 and 13 and it is far, far easier than it's ever been.

[MeganChips]

I loved having tiny babies but was lucky to have easy ones. I have found different stages more difficult for different DC.

DC1 was a nightmare between 2 and 7, just hard work but is now really good company.

DC2 was utterly lovely all the way through but at 8 is often now like a surly teenager.

Generally, I have found them easier and more fun as they have got older. I have the teenage years to come yet though and am fully expecting that to be pretty full on. The emotional drama from my 11 year old is already exhausting!

[Wonkyparsnip]

0-6 months were horrendous 6-12 much better 12-18 fab! Love the toddler stage. Not easy but give me 20 toddlers over a newborn.

[Florin]

I found 4 months to a year the easiest so far. He was sleeping through started baby led weaning which he loved which meant we could go out to really nice restaurants as he was kept quiet if we kept giving him food. Then he started walking at 13 months. He literally got up and took his first steps and just started running. It is physically knackering chasing after him. He is 2.5 now but has a speech delay however as his language develops he is getting easier in some respects although he is physically so strong so if he doesn't want to do something I struggle. We are coming to the end of needing special baby things now so no vote highchairs etc which makes life easier. I think every stage has its challenges and every child is different however I am looking forward to it not being so physically tiring.

[TripTrapTripTrapOverTheBridge]

I hate to say it but the baby years are the easiest sorry!

[PisforPeter]

I think it gets easier after 1 when they are mobile, can communucate & are generally less frustrated. There is always a new challenge though but it does get easier (hugs)

[PisforPeter]

communicate

[GotToBeInItToWinIt]

DD is 14 months and I am definitely finding it easier now. Yes she refuses to go in her pushchair and wants to walk everywhere, and she never stops moving, and she has perfected the art of arching her back so i can't put her in her car seat, and she still doesn't bloody sleep, but I still find it a million times easier than having a newborn. I found the constant feeding/attached to the sofa/reflux/leaking (poo) nappies, unable to sit up stage really really hard. It started to get easier for me when DD started to crawl as she was so bored before that. I don't mind constantly running after her (much ). I know each stage is going to have it's challenges and I'm sure some will be harder than the newborn stage but I can't help thinking things get easier in general as they get older.