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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To pull a sicky for DS under these circumstances?

142 replies

Hurr1cane · 02/01/2015 21:31

Let me start with saying I am (or was before I had to leave to care for DS full time) a teacher. I thoroughly believe in the education system... BUT the only reason I send my DS to school is for the social skills, he has severe special needs and disabilities and cannot learn academically in a school environment, they work mainly on his social skills and I work on the academic stuff at home.

Basically in February DP has managed to wrangle a weekend off, which means he can take me and DS to visit my family, who I never ever see and miss. DS sees them on skype weekly and I'm desperate for them to meet him, and when I say family I mean my dad and sisters.

To make the most of it we would have to leave on Friday morning, if we leave it till after school the traffic will be horrific and we run the risk of DS overheating (he overheats fast even in a tiny bit of warmth) and having a seizure. We basically need a clear run with stringent breaks for medical and intimate care needs.

The headteacher of DSs school, although I'm sure would want to give him the day off authorised, is stuck under the new council rules of 'no holidays during term time' we will be fined if we take him for one day, which we cannot afford.

There was a little boy in his school like him who was recently taken to disney world by his parents, his parents told me they called him in sick every day but all the staff seemed to know he had been to Disney world so it seemed like a well known fib if you see what I mean.

Could I just call him in sick on the friday? Get a good run at it and visit family? Or just cancel? I feel horrid about even the thought of lying Sad but he will be socialising even more while away (staying with a family with 2 children his age) so wouldn't even be missing out on that.

What do you think? Should I just not bother? Or should I lie? I keep swaying from one to the other, but I really really want to see my family, and half terms are a no go for holidays in DPs line of work, and I will need him to drive while I keep an eye on DSs health etc, I can't take him on the train, too much equipment.

OP posts:
ChippingInLovesChristmasLights · 02/01/2015 22:41

It varies a lot Tinks. Were lucky too, email, call, note in diary, it's all good and no problem, but it have friends where you'd think you were asking for day release from a borstal!

Tinks42 · 02/01/2015 22:47

Absolute rules gone mad! I'd tell them the truth and say how ridiculous they are though, but I suppose that's just me Grin

Tinks42 · 02/01/2015 22:55

In saying that, I went to a parents review thing at my sons sixth form the other month and apparently he was on the "vulnerable young adult" list. The teacher was sort of looking at me all funny and I said... err what do you mean by vulnerable? It turned out he was on that list due to having a moderate to severe nut allergy and carries and epi-pen. All down to stupid forms.

setthefire · 02/01/2015 23:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ThePinkOcelot · 02/01/2015 23:11

For the past 2 years my dds have missed the first few days back at school for Sept. Both times it has gone down as unauthourised leave. I haven't been fined. I was told if their attendance was good otherwise and they were doing well at school, then it was fine. Not doing it this year though as dd2 starting yr7.

Go for it OP. It sounds like you need it.

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 02/01/2015 23:40

From the sounds of it the Op's lad is a very poorly little boy. And so probably has a low attendance record at school.

Logic dictates that Ofsted / EWOs / anyone else nosying about attendance will start with the children with the lowest attendance.

So it may be that the school is really strict on the Op but not so much with the parent of the ridiculously healthy child whose only time off in 6 years of school attendance is a two hour trip to the orthodontist.

By getting all the evidence now they are preventing a call in six months time asking where her ds was on the 14th of December and the Op having the search through acres of paper to try and find the right hospital discharge form.

Original poster
Hurr1cane · 02/01/2015 23:46

Mum he is poorly Sad but he's in a special school where a lot of the children are, some a lot worse off than him as well. His attendance isn't too bad, he's had two full weeks off last term when he was admitted to hospital and other than that just the odd dentist appointment and one time they sent him back early because his ears went bright red (sign of impending drop fit for him)

OP posts:
Bulbasaur · 02/01/2015 23:47

Call in sick. Have a fun time with your family.

Life is too short to be worried about one missed day of school/work.

Original poster
Hurr1cane · 02/01/2015 23:47

But if it makes any difference, academically, for a child with autism and severe learning disabilities and health problems, apparently he is above average, they had a special graph thing which showed the average of children with the same disabilities as him (ish) and he was above the average. I do a hell of a lot of work at home with him though.

OP posts:
hippoinamudhole · 03/01/2015 00:07

Suffolk fine for one day unauthorised absence.

Personally I'd fill in a holiday form for the Friday afternoon then take him in for registration Friday morning only. I.e. take him out at 9.15am. You shouldn't get a fine for 1 session

PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange · 03/01/2015 00:14

I wouldn't lie, but take him anyway.

To me it's tempting fate

ChippingInLovesChristmasLights · 03/01/2015 00:22

It's not lying saying he's not coming in 'today'.
It's not lying saying you hope he'll be well enough to go in on Monday.

SillyBugger · 03/01/2015 00:26

Have a look at him on the morning you're leaving - you may find he is looking a bit pale and peaky (if you look hard enough), and decide to keep him off as a precaution. Then you might as well leave earlier than planned to see your relatives - it'd be silly not to. Have a lovely time. x

zzzzz · 03/01/2015 00:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

missingmumxox · 03/01/2015 00:38

Just a note, my friends daughters head teacher refused their holiday request for 3 days before the Oct half term which they chose as with there daughters CP would mean they would have 5 days with a hotel without many children dashing about making the pool area safer for her and other children (hotel only took people weds and sun) due to her walker it wheelchair also less numbers means she can swim solo, great swimmer not so good at changing direction.

I pointed out that the equality act could be used for this as like you she really could not go otherwise and was about to cancel the holiday, she does not half the problems you describe.

The Equality Act covers minors and in my job I am horrified how many SN young adults are unaware of it, needless to say once she studied it basically quoted about reasonable adjustments and the right to family life, headmistress caved,

The thing is I could be wrong, but I reasoned any headteacher who said No to a reasonable request was following their understanding of a dictate, not bothering to read in, so would not bother to read the Equality Act, that said I think my understanding is correct.

Have a lovely time but learn to be a pain in the backside

anothernumberone · 03/01/2015 00:46

I live in a world where these issues don't exist. I would definitely call in sick. I think the rules are crazy.

I had my dds over in the UK at my nephew's communion and took my children around all the Viking sites in York and the historic bus tour. My little one had just spend the previous few weeks studying the Vikings in Ireland she loved it. It was a school day and everyone was looking at us like I had robbed a local bank. In Ireland it was the last week of school whereas you do another few weeks so they would have been on the wind down with very little school work. There is not even a question asked back home about them being away. I found it all quite strange. I think it is quite frankly a counterproductive law.

OneHandFlapping · 03/01/2015 00:48

Lie.

You are only forced into the lie by the current ridiculous procedures. I am a dreadful liar, and would usually choose to tell the truth, but on this occasion, I would have absolutely no qualms about lying. If you tell the truth, the school might feel obliged to take action.

Enjoy your weekend.

HupTwoThreeFour · 03/01/2015 09:11

I thought the fines were 60 per day so if you are only keeping him off one day that would be 60, so not of the same magnitude as the fines you hear about in the news which are normally for a week or two and for more than one child. I may be wrong but I think you should be able to find out. i think it would be better to tell the school really and argue your case for them to authorise.

christinarossetti · 03/01/2015 09:21

The fines are 60 pounds per day per parent, so a heck of a lot of money.

Fwiw, OP I take my dcout of school one day a year because we go somewhere where you have to arrive Friday lunchtime. They have 'temperatures'. I don't like phoning up and lying (esp when the office staff hope that they're better soon) but it's the system that's bonkers, not you wanting your ds to meet your family or you wanting to spend some time with them.

Hope your trip goes well. Put your family first.

NoLongerJustAShopGirl · 03/01/2015 09:25

Here it is £60 per child per parent per instance (not day) so 1 week would be the same as one day here.... (2 kids, 2 parents £240) and we would not be fined for 1 day - unless it is a regular occurrence.

We are taking DD out for an afternoon to a show in another city - need to take train, so need to take afternoon off. We will tell them why she will be picked up at lunchtime. It will be unauthorised. We will get a letter telling us we are bad, bad parents (not in those actual words).

She will still go.

Petallic · 03/01/2015 09:28

Put in a request but for a random date in January. Get your approval and then write to tell them the visit has been moved to x day in February.

Then if you don't get the approval, you can still ring in sick for the feb date if needed.

Chunderella · 03/01/2015 09:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AnyHemisphere · 03/01/2015 09:38

Go, don't even think about it again - honestly it's ludicrous to even worry. It's actually upsetting you are worrying about this. There is something terribly wrong with society if anyone or any institution would begrudge you this time.

I hope your trip is as easy as it can be and you have a lovely time as a family.

ContentedSidewinder · 03/01/2015 09:44

Leeds LEA charge for 5 days absence. You can get away with 4 1/2. But not 5.

Ring in sick, write down what you will say so you don't mess it up. Have a lovely time.

SuburbanRhonda · 03/01/2015 09:47

OP, I manage attendance in my school. Please don't follow the advice of posters who say you should lie to your child's school. We pretty much always know when parents are lying and it saddens me that parents are ok with damaging the trust they (should) have with the school.

FWIW, your absence would be authorised in our school as these are exceptional circumstances.