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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To pull a sicky for DS under these circumstances?

142 replies

Hurr1cane · 02/01/2015 21:31

Let me start with saying I am (or was before I had to leave to care for DS full time) a teacher. I thoroughly believe in the education system... BUT the only reason I send my DS to school is for the social skills, he has severe special needs and disabilities and cannot learn academically in a school environment, they work mainly on his social skills and I work on the academic stuff at home.

Basically in February DP has managed to wrangle a weekend off, which means he can take me and DS to visit my family, who I never ever see and miss. DS sees them on skype weekly and I'm desperate for them to meet him, and when I say family I mean my dad and sisters.

To make the most of it we would have to leave on Friday morning, if we leave it till after school the traffic will be horrific and we run the risk of DS overheating (he overheats fast even in a tiny bit of warmth) and having a seizure. We basically need a clear run with stringent breaks for medical and intimate care needs.

The headteacher of DSs school, although I'm sure would want to give him the day off authorised, is stuck under the new council rules of 'no holidays during term time' we will be fined if we take him for one day, which we cannot afford.

There was a little boy in his school like him who was recently taken to disney world by his parents, his parents told me they called him in sick every day but all the staff seemed to know he had been to Disney world so it seemed like a well known fib if you see what I mean.

Could I just call him in sick on the friday? Get a good run at it and visit family? Or just cancel? I feel horrid about even the thought of lying Sad but he will be socialising even more while away (staying with a family with 2 children his age) so wouldn't even be missing out on that.

What do you think? Should I just not bother? Or should I lie? I keep swaying from one to the other, but I really really want to see my family, and half terms are a no go for holidays in DPs line of work, and I will need him to drive while I keep an eye on DSs health etc, I can't take him on the train, too much equipment.

OP posts:
Mammanat222 · 02/01/2015 21:49

The OP volunteered the information that her family had never met her DS and I just wanted to clarify. A first meeting is afterall a lot more significant than pulling a sickie to visit someone you see in person regularly.

However yes I do think its odd that in 4 years the OP's father and sister have not once visited her and her child.

Waitingonasunnyday · 02/01/2015 21:52

Email:

Sorry but DS won't be in school today. We hope he'll be back on Monday all being well.

Floggingmolly · 02/01/2015 21:53

In your circumstances it wouldn't cost me a thought. Do it.

batgirl1984 · 02/01/2015 21:53

Check the procedures for your LEA. They have to be open and honest - eg some councils only fine for 5 days in a row (even if that's 3 before Easter hols and 2 after, others are more stringent. But if your son has persistent absence it changes things again. The council should be able to advise you though.

SantasFavouriteHo · 02/01/2015 21:55

Without a doubt, go and have a lovely time!

Fiddlerontheroof · 02/01/2015 21:59

Phone in sick, he can just be a bit off colour and you're worried he might have a seizure so you're going to keep him home, especially as you're going to see family that weekend....then you can just leave earlier than you planned eh?

It's completely different having a severely disabled child, and I wouldn't fret about it for a moment. I'm a gov at a school with high no of SEN pupils and I know that the head is fab at turning a diplomatic blind eye to children like your son...family time like this is very important, as much as school, don't fret over it for a moment. Xx

Wolfiefan · 02/01/2015 21:59

I'm sorry but I wouldn't lie to the school. (Doesn't mean I wouldn't go anyway.)

Tinks42 · 02/01/2015 22:03

Im saying go and not worry about one day. I'm really rather against "pretending" my child is sick though.

greeneggsandjam · 02/01/2015 22:04

Yep, phone in sick!

Original poster
Hurr1cane · 02/01/2015 22:05

I wouldn't lie about a seizure. Ever. Like I said he has one most nights, and by most I mean it's unusual for him not to have one unfortunately.

And he's 8. He hasn't met my family for 8 years, they lived in Australia for 6 of those though.

OP posts:
Original poster
Hurr1cane · 02/01/2015 22:06

Tinks. That's what I'm thinking. Pretending he's sick just seems really terrible.

OP posts:
Original poster
Hurr1cane · 02/01/2015 22:07

Maybe I'll just do that. They have a pupil absence line so you don't have to actually talk to anyone just leave a message. I could just leave a message and say he won't be in today but I'm sure he will be back on Monday.

OP posts:
Tinks42 · 02/01/2015 22:13

Yes, I'd go that route Hurr1cane. Have a lovely time and stop worrying Grin

2minsofyourtime · 02/01/2015 22:17

Don't worry about it, just phone in, say as little as possible, but don't let it worry you.

It's unfortunate these rules have been brought in, but really if you can't afford the fine then you don't really have a choice. Phone in, and have a lovely time

Original poster
Hurr1cane · 02/01/2015 22:17

Thanks sorry. Something about lying seems to bring me out in hives. I can't stand it, probably because I'm useless at it and get flustered and tongue tied. (Didn't help me in my teenage years before... No I've never drank... Wine... Alcohol... On Friday... On the park.... What? I don't know!...why are you so mean?")

I'll stop being ridiculous now Grin

OP posts:
setthefire · 02/01/2015 22:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Hurr1cane · 02/01/2015 22:23

Definitely not an option. The school had to ring every day when DS was in hospital severely ill. They were very very apologetic and embarrassed about it, but said it was protocol now if I didn't ring daily, which I didn't because I was too focused on DS to remember what day it was Sad I just used it as an excuse for a good cry down the phone while everyone I knew was at work.

I think it's one of those crack down things the council is having this year.

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 02/01/2015 22:25

I doubt very much that you would be fined for aone day absence under these circumstances.

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 02/01/2015 22:25

Schools can authorise in exceptional circumstances. (Someone from dd's class is missing a week for their uncle's wedding in America.)

Could you request authorised for visiting with "family from Australia that ds has never met" (they don't need to know they've been here for 2 years!)

Tinks42 · 02/01/2015 22:27

How would they "fine" you anyway? Would you get a piece of paper from the school asking for however much for a days absence? I can understand a school having to take things further where a child is persistently absent, but the people at school seem to know these offenders and there is usually a bonified reason why the "school" would do this.

Original poster
Hurr1cane · 02/01/2015 22:28

I don't know tinks. I've heard stories on the grapevine about pretty big fines, but of course I have no way of really knowing if they are persistent offenders because they wouldn't really admit that would they?

OP posts:
Original poster
Hurr1cane · 02/01/2015 22:30

I was teaching before all these fines and stuff came in Confused it all confuses me a lot now. I have to bring letters in for each of DSs appointments for him to get authorised on them, which is tricky because sometimes I get a text instead of a letter. They photograph those now Confused

OP posts:
Tinks42 · 02/01/2015 22:30

No but im sure they are.

Tinks42 · 02/01/2015 22:35

I can safely say Ive never had to do that. Ive just rung up or sent in a little hand written note saying he had a dentist/doctors appt or whatever. If i forgot, Ive still been able to just call them. Blimey, its sounding like schools are run by terribly unreasonable people these days?

ChippingInLovesChristmasLights · 02/01/2015 22:40

That sounds like a complete nightmare.

I'd call, say 'DS won't be in today, I hope he's well enough to come in Monday, but if he's not I'll be sure to call'.

What they understand from that is their call :)