to nap my dd 3 weeks in her own room? DH thinks im mad

[Soleurmange]

hi dh thinks im potty - ill admit i am following she who must not be named for the routine, which includes putting dd 3 weeks in her own room with the door shut and lights out for day time naps. at night she is in with us.

i think its better for her sleep and means that i can do things in our room during the day - dh thinks its a SIDS risk and ive lost the plot. who is bu? thank you!

[carlywurly]

Dc1 lasted 3 months in our room. Dc2 one week. He was the wriggliest, noisiest sleeper right from day one and none of us were getting any sleep until he moved into his room - a few feet away with both doors wide open. He napped both in his room and anywhere else. He can still nap sitting bolt upright if he's tired enough.

Fwiw, he slept through the night from 6 weeks, goes to bed happily and without fuss and several years on, I can count the times he has ever woken in the night on one hand. Would I do the same again? Absolutely. I must be a horrendous mother.

[makeminea6x]

I think you are doing the right thing by reviewing the evidence and working out what is the balance of safest/will work for your family.
There is an astonishing amount of opinion on this thread! What works for one baby doesn't work for every baby. I have heard all these theories - teach your baby to sleep through noise - well if they just won't sleep when it's noisy your stuck. Rock your baby to sleep - my son was nearly 11lb born and got heavier quickly. He is too heavy to rock and wakes as soon as he is put down. Sling your baby - he loves the sling but rarely sleeps in it. Car - he hated the car and just screamed. Crying to sleep or feeding, when that works, was the only thing I could do.
He sleeps alright now. That's luck, nothing I did.
People need to cut the sanctimonious crap. We need to support each other and that means advising not judging. No one's making you leave your own baby to cry/self-settle/whatever we're calling it. Let's all just try to do what's safe and works for our families, and support others to do the same.

[ElphabaTheGreen]

I agree it's not 'routine vs attachment parented' because I think everyone takes bits from everywhere and uses whatever works.

And yes, I'm sorry, but I do think that Gina Ford advising her readers to leave a newborn baby to cry alone for 5-10 minutes to make them sleep is barbaric. It's against nature. That is just my opinion.

This is a direct link to the ISIS lit search on sleep training, leaving babies to cry, it's links with SIDS and long-term outcomes.

[ThinkIveBeenHacked]

"Fussing or fighting sleep" is NOT crying. "Escalation" IS crying. Especially ten minutes.

GF already gets a bad rep on this site (and I accept that she is Marmite and some love her and some hate her), but she does not say to shut a three week old baby in their room and leave them to cry for ten minutes. Please OP either get an up to date version of her book or re read the one you have.

[ElphabaTheGreen]

ITS links with SIDS!

Damn autocorrect making me look like I can't use apostrophes correctly!

[BMO]

What is a baby doing if they are "fussing" for 10 minutes at 3 weeks old if not crying?

[ThinkIveBeenHacked]

Grunts and wriggles and the odd noise. General baby fussiness.

[TalkinPeace]

elphaba
That ISIS site is interesting but there is absolutely no evidence there to link sleep training to SIDS
there are lots of ifs, maybes possiblys and hypotheses
but no more evidence than the opinions of a drunk MN poster on a Friday night

[BMO]

Grunting and wriggling and then falling asleep with no crying is hardly "fighting sleep"

[TarkaTheOtter]

I think you're conflating arguments OP. The SIDS risk is from leaving baby to sleep alone.

[mewkins]

Agree with you. Why don't you get a video monitor or sensor mat to keep an eye on her?

[TarkaTheOtter]

Sorry, ignore my post - it's confused alround.

[HaroldLloyd]

Ah yes I remember crying it down now you mention it.

[BigRedBall]

Oh for crying out loud, give the poor baby a cuddle and a hug!!!

[ElphabaTheGreen]

Poor use of language on my part previously, sorry. I shouldn't have inferred that there was a link between SIDS and sleep training, but there IS a section which suggests using sleep training to artificially lengthen an infant's sleeping patterns is inadvisable. Under the heading 'The effects of sleep training on SIDS-risk' it states: 'Encouraging young babies to sleep longer or more deeply than is normal for their stage of development may put them at increased risk of SIDS.' Research to support these suggestions are linked under the blue question marks.

[sanfairyanne]

i'd say it is a sids risk

have you got an old copy of gf?

[sanfairyanne]

ah i see yes you are using a massively out of date book

[HaroldLloyd]

Also co sleeping is mentioned as an increased sids risk.

I co slept and DS2 napped in a separate room, the perceived increase in sids risk was counter balanced by the much greater risk if three stone of toddler landing on him.

[TalkinPeace]

ISIS page on sleep training - no EVIDENCE of risk
www.isisonline.org.uk/how_babies_sleep/sleep_training/considerations/

sanfairy
Do you have evidence for your assertion?

because the risk factors for SIDS are well known - what OP asked about is low down the list

[Mini05]

When my son was 3 weeks I would let him nap in Moses basket in lounge, still got on with chores even hoovering! They have to get used to noise!
Otherwise you wil be creeping around with fear off the waking and they get used to the quietness so you have to get them used to noise.

The midwive told me to put him upstairs after his teatime feed in his Moses basket to get him used to the difference in room noise.

I can honestly say it was the best advice I ever had! We never had any problem with him sleeping ever. I would put him up at between 6.30-7pm then he would wake prob 11ish but we'd be already upstairs then so was brilliant .

[TooManyMochas]

We're already napping 10 day old DS upstairs. Our house is tiny (I mean properly tiny) and also occupied by an extremely lively 3yo. I had no idea I was committing such a crime against humanity.

[sanfairyanne]

my assertion that it is a massively out of date book? think i had that version. gf has changed a lot over the years. she was much, um, stricter previously. think this is why 'the young generation' dont understand the anti-gf reaction on mn (well there was the lawsuit threat too) i dont have proof but if you can be bothered to get copies of a 1999 version and one from this year, you will see the difference

[saturnvista]

I found Gina Ford to be very humane if you actually read the book (I read a new edition) and not at all like she's portrayed on mumsnet. A bit harsh, though, is the celebrity nanny Rachel Waddilove. She says that all little babies 'have a good shout' in the evening when you put them to bed. You have to leave them to it was the gist of it, I think. I didn't take to the tone of the book. She was Gwyneth Paltrow's maternity nanny.

[NeedsAsockamnesty]

Everyone telling the op to just go for it,

Its not a random stranger who is saying "don't" its her husband,one assumes the baby's other parent. A perfectly equal parent who has very strong negative thoughts about this.

It is after all one of those topics that does prompt quite strong opinions.

[TheHermitCrab]

If it's a SIDS risk in the night then of course it is in the day too. It isn't really about the time of day, but how and where the infant sleeps of course, whether it is light or dark, day or night is irrelevant.

Whatever SIDS info you have applies to whatever time of day it is when you look out the window.

You don't have to sit and stare at her, surely you can get chores done as she sleeps in a basket/bassinet in the same room/area.