to nap my dd 3 weeks in her own room? DH thinks im mad

[Soleurmange]

hi dh thinks im potty - ill admit i am following she who must not be named for the routine, which includes putting dd 3 weeks in her own room with the door shut and lights out for day time naps. at night she is in with us.

i think its better for her sleep and means that i can do things in our room during the day - dh thinks its a SIDS risk and ive lost the plot. who is bu? thank you!

[Writerwannabe83]

Apologies, I haven't read the full thread. I had to stop when I read about a 3 week old baby being left alone in a room to cry in order to 'self settle'. It's just awful.

I was leant the CLB book by a neighbour when I had my DS and I was amazed at her attitude and methods. Needless to say I quickly returned the book.

My DS never napped away from me (unless he was in that company of another adult) until he was 8 months old. The thought of having left him at 3 weeks old I'd just uncomprehensible to me.

Everyone had different thoughts and ideas and what one person finds to be perfectly ok another person will be shocked.

As had been said, do your research and come to a conclusion based on that.

YANBU for having your own ideas about how you want to raise and treat your baby, that's every woman's right but I am siding with your DH.

[TalkinPeace]

soleur
What you have discovered from this thread
and from reading the research summary

is that the multiple of anecdote is not evidence

and a lot of what is asserted has no evidence behind it at all

[TarkaTheOtter]

Pretty sure the breathing thing was just a hypothesis. If they knew what caused it, it wouldn't be called SIDS.

But the research does show a correlation with baby sleeping on its own so not sure what more evidence you need. You've got to make your own risk analysis.

Fwiw I was significantly more worried about "self-settling" and avoiding "sleep props" with dc1 and she was a much worse sleeper than dc2 who I fed on demand, cuddled to sleep etc.

[HaroldLloyd]

Like a previous poster said, self settling isn't leaving them to cry.

It's seeing that the baby is tired and content, and putting them into the basket or wherever they are having a nap.

Nothing about crying. No need for crying.

[saturnvista]

What a horrible thread. Too many people have no sense of proportion or common courtesy when Gina Ford is mentioned. The OP isn't actually her, you know. The aggro is misdirected. Receiving such judgement and unpleasantness could be awful for a new, first-time mum. No need whatsoever.

OP, I would discard most of this thread if I were you. Forget it and go to someone who has a more balanced view.

My baby was virtually born on the Gina Ford routine and she loved every aspect of it. If I let things slip, she instantly got very cross. She could sleep in a hammock in a darkened room on her own (and she did) but was also fine in a car seat. I was never trying to be a perfect mother, just responsive and reasonably diligent. The one situation I was determined to avoid was ending up with a child who couldn't settle without a bottle in her mouth. Or having to do some form of controlled crying.

The only major difference that I could see between Gina Ford and non-Gina Ford was that on a routine, you wake the baby up when it's time for a feed. But lots of people do that anyway.

[HaroldLloyd]

It's been a while since I had a look at GFs book, does she really say to leave them to cry at three weeks?

What I found really useful in the book which was literally the only thing was her plan of how an example day which I used for a little bit as I never out DS for a proper nap in the day and actually he needed that becasue he was as moody as hell. He was about 7 months at this point.

[ElphabaTheGreen]

I have reserved all my aggro for Gina Ford and her 'crying down'. I haven't been aggressive to the OP anywhere, but I have voiced my objection to her using crying down, as has pretty much everyone else here.

If your baby loved Gina Ford, that's fine, that's obviously the routine they were pre-programmed to follow and would probably have fallen into that routine without any help from CLB. I have no objection to following a strict routine if that works for everyone. It just makes me very sad if a newborn is being left to cry on purpose to force that routine to happen.

[toomuchtooold]

OP I didn't do it with my twins until they were about 4 months old but if I could go back, I would start putting them down in a darkened room from about 7 or 8 weeks on as at that point they stopped being able to nap in the daylight in a carrycot and would only sleep fitfully on me or in their pram. We struggled through 2 months of crap sleep and then one day in desperation I put them down like it would be nighttime and they slept for 2 solid hours. They still woke a lot in the night though and 2 months later we did sleep training (controlled crying) to get rid of dummies and swaddling, after we noticed that they tended to sleep much better on the nights when we happened to be out of the room when they actually fell asleep.

It's funny all the people claiming it's the deepest child abuse never turned up at my house offering to hold one of the babies for me. If you have twins nobody gives a shit everyone just expects you to get on with it and sleep training takes life from being unbearable to bearable. Have never regretted it.

[puntasticusername]

Fucking heeeeeeeeell.

Good to see that the general level of ignorance surrounding GF and self-settling is being maintained here tonight

Self settling does not involve a lot of crying. If there is a lot of crying, you're doing it wrong and you need to think again.

And I am not aware of GF ever having said that three week old babies should be left alone to cry themselves to sleep. She has rather more sense than that.

[ElphabaTheGreen]

Harold - yes she does, calling it 'crying down'.

[ElphabaTheGreen]

Swaddle them, after 'checking the draw sheet' (whatever that is/means), dark room, close door, let them 'cry down'. That was certainly in the edition of CLB that was given to me that I got rid of. Had she dropped the idea in later editions? I hope so.

[BMO]

I don't think GF explicitly says "leave the baby to cry" but there are telling lines like "if the baby is still crying after 20 minutes you can go back in and resettle them".

[Writerwannabe83]

"If the baby is still crying after 20 minutes you can go in and settle them"



Even the criticised CC method doesn't 'allow' babies to be left for 20 minutes.

[RiverTam]

crying down is on her website, I just had a look. I think that leaving a baby to cry for up to 10 minutes is too much, but especially a newborn. DD would quite often have a good old screech before conking out but this was at an older age, around 5 months, and it would be in her pram with me right there with her, she'd wail for about 2 minutes and then be asleep.

[Ijustdontknowwhattodowithmysel]

Urgh. Read the book for gods sake! GF IS AMAZING IF YOU FOLLOW HER. OP you are doing the right thing as long as the baby isn't crying for ages. Ignore everyone who is just trying to make you feel shit.

[ElphabaTheGreen]

Yep - on her website (in response to a mother of a four week old):

'I do stress that some babies will fight sleep and they should be allowed 5-10 minutes crying down period.'


Writerwannabe - 20 minutes made me as well but I couldn't find that anywhere. A suggestion of five to ten minutes is barbaric enough for such a tiny baby.

[Soleurmange]

she calls it 'fussing' or 'fightig sleep' for ten mins or so before resettling, with an ear out to check on them for escalation, but essentially, what she means is crying, if they do. sorry not being goady, just stating facts! and yes i have learnt that multiple anecdotes does not make evidence. and that my family is at low risk of SIDS.

any good research links for outcomes for routine babies versus attachment parented babies? that would be interesting to read

[ElphabaTheGreen]

I have read the book. And I just got that direct quote from the CLB website.

[BMO]

I had a GF sleep book that came free with something that I remember the 20 minute thing from. I will try to find it.

[Soleurmange]

Barbaric...

[Writerwannabe83]

I struggle to listen to my DS cry for 5 minutes and he's over 9m/o now. I couldn't have left him to 'cry down' when he was a newborn baby.

[BathshebaDarkstone]

I say let her sleep where she sleeps best. DD shared a room with me until she was 2.5, DS usually napped in his chair & co-slept when I went to bed.

[Marmiteandjamislush]

Thanks for the flowers Op, it was a bugger. But he's a lovely [most of the time] nearly 4 yo now, who sleeps relatively well. Was a shock though because DS1 was very straight forward. Glad you've not been too upset by the thread.

[BMO]

It isn't routine vs. attachment OP, you can have a routine and still be responsive to your baby and not leave them to cry.

There is lots of research around secure vs. insecure attachments though.

[ElphabaTheGreen]

What do you mean by 'outcomes', though? If you want evidence on sleep, ISIS Online is the go-to evidence-based resource on infant sleep run by Durham University.