to nap my dd 3 weeks in her own room? DH thinks im mad

[Soleurmange]

hi dh thinks im potty - ill admit i am following she who must not be named for the routine, which includes putting dd 3 weeks in her own room with the door shut and lights out for day time naps. at night she is in with us.

i think its better for her sleep and means that i can do things in our room during the day - dh thinks its a SIDS risk and ive lost the plot. who is bu? thank you!

[SpidersInTheBox]

The DTs napped and slept at night and for naps in their own room from birth. We had Repisense and Tomy under mattress monitors for them. They were (and still are) great sleepers.

[Justfivemoreminutesplease]

Eh?! Personally I'm struggling with the apparent connection with you asking this question and how it then makes you seem distant and unloving towards your baby!! I guess you're either a fan of 'her who shall not be named' or not. The fact that you want her to have a daytime sleep has nothing to do with not cuddling her

Personally I put my 2 dd's in a number of different locations and areas (Moses basket or pram or car seat) for their afternoon naps from a very early stage as you will reap all the benefits in the next few months if they aren't fussy over where they sleep in the daytime. The more variety you can introduce now as to where they have their daytime sleeps the better.

I'm not sure about the SIDS link / connection though.

[lynniep]

I don't see the issue either. Have you got a monitor? I was kind of anal about hearing every shuffle so would always having the monitor on, but I would always put DS2 down for a nap in his own bed (which was in our room - but I wouldn't be in there during daytime naps) Lights out. Door slightly ajar as I don't like doors being fully shut on children. Checked temp (on monitor).
I would dearly have loved for DS1 to have done the same, but he was a nightmare to get to nap and it was just too much like torture for everyone to put him down in a cot, so he napped in a sling or I transferred him to a dog bed in the living room after I drove him to sleep in the car...

[Soleurmange]

thanks originalgreengiant - thats what im hoping for. napping downstairs sounds sensible, im not set in stone - im just terrified of what can happen if i leave it to the baby's own devices, which is what happened last time!
spiders, that sounds oike a good idea, i will investigate. thanks

[Soleurmange]

thanks justfivemoreminutes

[emeline]

Please stop parenting this child so reactively. This child isn't your other child.

Give her a chance to be herself. No need to get all Controlling because of ghosts in your machine.

I sympathise with your situation, and also with your baby.

My mum couldn't see me, for my sisters. Resulted in a failed bond.

[Mammanat222]

Look up rates of SIDS in countries where children live in homes where they share rooms compared to wealthier countries where children are in their own room

Sorry but I've never heard this before? are you suggesting that SIDS is more common in children that share a room?

[o0]

I thought it was now recommended that babies nap in the same room as adults now? It's vague but I'm sure I read it somewhere.

But it is just recommended not law so you're free to do whatever you prefer.

I preferred to keep my DC in my bedroom at night and the slept in a small cot in the living room for all naps.

[Sanch1]

SIDS advice is that all sleep, whether at night or for naps, should be in a room with you/another person until at least 6 months.

YABU. Your DH is right.

[Justfivemoreminutesplease]

Isn't the SIDS info all about having the baby sleep in a Moses basket in your room at night for the first 6 months? The op says that her dd will be doing this. I don't know what the SIDS guidance says about daytime naps, which is surely what the op is asking here?
Op - when my two dd's had their daytime naps in their room, the monitor was on, temperatures checked & curtains pulled - but not to 'black-out' levels as I was told by my maternity nurse that it was important for the dd's to learn the difference (in light) for daytime naps and nightime.

[Bunbaker]

Current advice is that your baby should sleep in the same room as where you are day and night for the first six months.

Advice here.

When DD was little I used to have her in a pram near me so I could keep an eye on her. I just wouldn't have felt comfortable with her upstairs in a bedroom with the door shut when she was three weeks old.

[mynewpassion]

Get some type of monitoring for your dh's peace of mind. Own room is fine but monitoring is needed

[BMO]

It is a SIDS risk, and baby monitors/breathing monitors don't reduce the risk.

I also think you will create one of those famous "rods for your own back" (!) by training your baby to only sleep in her own cot and in silent darkness - very impractical.

[Xenadog]

Current thinking is babies should sleep with other people in the same room as them as this helps to prevent SIDS. This is regardless of the time of day.

I don't get why the OP would want to put a 3 week old baby in a room and shut them away every day anyway.

[cogitosum]

At 3 weeks I think it's cruel. She was inside of you less than a month ago. It's not the SIDs risk that'd worry me but the idea of a tiny baby waking up alone. I assume you're at least staying with her until she falls asleep?

I'm not necessarily anti routine. I'd put ds in the sling to nap to a rough routine and he fell into it by about 6 weeks.

[Ifyourawizardwhydouwearglasses]

YABU. And controlling.

Your DH is right.

And that woman and her methods are widely disliked for a reason.

[PurpleSwift]

For a day time nap I really don't see the problem. Cuddle are lovely but babies can't nap on you for every nap, especially if you have other children, it's impossible. When would You get things done?
If she's happy then that's fine.

[Patilla]

It is a SIDS risk to have your baby nap in a room that you are not in.

Breathing/movement monitors as I understand it, are not effective for preventing SIDS as it is too late to rouse them by then.

Ultimately it's your decision but that's my understanding of the advice. You probably want to go and do your own research and weigh up the risks yourself though for such a personal decision.

Congratulations on your baby though.

[Ineedacleaningfairy]

I'm just amazed a 3 week old will sleep in a cot all alone! My 8 week old refuses to sleep unless he has my nipple in his mouth, I think I might reasses my constantly cuddling style of parenting!

I would think the sids risk is still relatively low even with her napping in her own room and it just depends what level of risk your comfortable with.

[WyrdByrd]

I don't think you're mad at all, but I wouldn't shut the door and would probably be forever checking on her.

I have no frame of reference though - my DD largely refused to sleep during the afternoon until she was about 5-6 months, so I'd spend most of the afternoon cuddling a colicky, ratty little madam and if she fell asleep at all it was just a blessing wherever and however it happened!

She did go in her bedroom for a post-breakfast catch up snooze though iirc and eventually did have an afternoon nap in there too.

But, she was in her room at night from 3 weeks, with the support of my HV as she was such a noisy sleeper I was barely getting 2 hours sleep a night.

[coolaschmoola]

One of the suggested causes of SIDS is that babies fall into such a deep sleep that they 'forget' to breathe. Although breathing is a reflex your dd has only been doing it for 21 days, and before six months reflexes are still developing.

The reason for the guideline is partly because it is believed that by sleeping ALL sleep in the room you are in any that it is never quiet enough for them to slip into that deep a sleep.

Research has also shown that babies regulate their breathing by hearing yours - another reason for all naps to be taken in the same room. Not being able to hear you, even when asleep, can cause their breathing to stop.

The reason that it is ALL sleep and not just at night is because babies don't just die at night. They die of SIDS during naps too.

Having had two babies in my family due from SIDS, one overnight, one around 11am, both in their cots in their own rooms, there is no way I would ever even contemplate this.

The babies who died in our family, and every subsequent baby born have all been studied as part of the research.

The research doesn't just look at what things evidence prevention methods, they also look at the dead babies and the circumstances that surrounded their deaths.

Research has shown that putting babies under six months to sleep in another room, be that nap or night, increases the chance that they will die.

Have you considered the fact that your baby may seem 'more settled' because she's very deeply asleep....

If you are not sure contact The Lullaby Trust (formerly the Foundation for Sudden Infant Death) and take advice from the body who research why babies die. There's a reason why they have tagines such as 'sleep safe, sleep sound, share a room with me'.

I'm sorry, I don't know who's advice you are following, but I do know based on specific, world wide SIDS research you are increasing your child's risk of SIDS.

Surely it's not a risk worth taking?

[coolaschmoola]

*taglines not tagines!

[ThinkIveBeenHacked]

I did Gina Ford with DD1 from getting home from the hospital and she didnt sleep alone for naps til at least 4 months old. Have you got an old copy of her book? I really cannot recall her saying baby should be shut in their room in the dark this soon. In fact, she says to help distinguish day from night that 7pm-7am shpuld be a dark room for all sleeps and feeds and 7am-7pm should be bright and noisy.