to nap my dd 3 weeks in her own room? DH thinks im mad

[Soleurmange]

hi dh thinks im potty - ill admit i am following she who must not be named for the routine, which includes putting dd 3 weeks in her own room with the door shut and lights out for day time naps. at night she is in with us.

i think its better for her sleep and means that i can do things in our room during the day - dh thinks its a SIDS risk and ive lost the plot. who is bu? thank you!

[Littlef00t]

Just be aware that you can have sleep issues that swing the other way. Dd may become accustomed to silence and dark, and you'll never be able to go to groups or out as she won't sleep on the pushchair or in a busy environment.

My dd had 90% of naps on me or DH for first 12 weeks and transitioned fine to napping in pram in hallway then bedroom.

[Iloveonionchutney]

I must be the worst mother in the world! My dd was in a vague routine from the offset, she hated her Moses basket and we didn't have the luxury of space to put a cot in our room, at 6 weeks she was in her own room for the night and sleeping 6-8 hours by 8 weeks. And we all slept better for it!

[eurochick]

As others have said, it is a SIDS risk. You and your husband need to decide if it is a risk with which you are comfortable.

My daughter naps in the living room. I don't sit an watch her sleep, I get on and do things in and out of the room, but I am generally there. That is what I am comfortable with.

[LetticeKnollys]

"At 3 weeks I think it's cruel. She was inside of you less than a month ago. It's not the SIDs risk that'd worry me but the idea of a tiny baby waking up alone."

Unless your babies at that age all woke up every time with your face mere inches from theirs, they couldn't see that you were there anyway.

And I am stumped as to how the pp on the first page could suggest that the OP is distant and uncaring because she wants to help her DD get better sleep. Please consider that there is a new mother actually reading your comments and that trying to make her feel like a failure because you have access to this tiny snippet of her life is a really nasty thing to do.

Yes putting them in their own room is a risk, but you have to weigh it up against other factors in your life and other contributing risks to decide what is best for your DD personally. People with older children and babies who wake up very easily, for example, don't really have much choice.

[Beth2511]

My DO would have slept anywhere and through anythung at three weeks, now at 7 only my chest will do!!

[dietcokeandwine]

Always makes me laugh when people jump on these kind of threads, hooting 'Noo! It increases the SIDS risk!'

In the next breath, they recommend cosleeping. Which (techically) increases the SIDS risk.

OP, do what you want to do. If she sleeps better in her own room for naps, you've minimised risk in all other ways (ie you don't smoke, her room is neither too hot nor too cold, she's on her back to sleep, in a grobag not blankets so she can't slip down under them etc etc), you are comfortable with it and you check her regularly then I can't see what the problem is.

People also saying it will make babies less flexible by putting them in their room for naps...like so many things it depends to an extent on the baby. I was far more routine focused with my PFB than I was with either of the other two, and yet he was the one who'd also happily fall asleep in buggy, car seat or a travel cot in someone else's house whilst we went for lunch or dinner etc. Lot more flexible with younger two, who both point blank refused to sleep anywhere other than their cots for naps from about 10 months old!

There is always risk, in whatever you do. SIDS risk and all sorts of other risks. You just have to mitigate it and do whatever feels most sensible. Personally I'd rather a 3 week old getting a decent quality nap in her own room (if that's how she gets the most decent quality nap) than screaming with overtiredness because she can't settle properly in the lounge or wherever you are.

[MuffinMcLay23]

i don't think you are mad at all. I never put DC1 in a cot in their room for naps etc - always slept on me or in moving pram/car, and often breast fed to sleep. Result of that was that DC1 didn't sleep through the night till they were three!
With DC2 i am going to be much much more structured from day one, including following the gina ford routine. I will have DC2 in our room overnight until 6 months as per sids advice but would leave them in our room and go downstairs to do other things whilst they slept. I have bought a snuza halo though and will use that if DC2 is asleep on their own in a room.
it is all too easy to judge people for their approach to things like sleep/gina ford - frankly you should just do what you think is best for you and your family and ignore everyone else.

[dietcokeandwine]

Lol too at the poster warning 'you'll never be able to go to groups or out because she won't sleep in the buggy'.

You will, OP. You'll work it round the naps if you need to. My 23mo will only nap in his cot (just a lunchtime nap, now). So we go out in the morning (which funnily enough is when the groups we go to run) and then head home for lunch and his nap. He gets up in time for the school run. Naps in the cot are really really not a problem!

[ThoughtsPlease]

All 3 DC slept in their own rooms day and night form birth. All slept through the night for 12 hours with no feeds/wakings as young as 7-12 weeks.

Everyone (adults included) was well rested and DC have become good sleepers.

[EmbarrassedPossessed]

My DS slept on me for all naps, or in the pram if we'd been out for a walk at nap time, until he was 9 month-ish (always breastfed to sleep). At night, he slept in a bedside cot for 6 months, and then in his own room after that. He slept beautifully in his cot for naps from then on, sleeping through the night from 11 months ish. As with all these things, letting your baby sleep on you, or in the same room, doesn't mean that they won't ever sleep on their own.

I didn't like my baby sleeping where I couldn't immediately see him for the first 6 months ish, just made me very uncomfortable for very unscientific reasons. This may have been affected by him being poorly and in SCBU for the first week of his life, which may have made me more sensitive about being apart from him.

dietcokeandwine I don't think anyone has mentioned co-sleeping on this thread? Just babies sleeping in the same room as the adults are for all sleeps up till 6 months.

[rallytog1]

The hysteria you see on this site over SIDS is just bonkers. The only way to remove SIDS risk is not to have a baby.

There is a minuscule chance of it happening and there has never been a causal link established between sleeping in the same room and lower incidence. All we know is that fewer babies die unexpectedly when they're in the same room as someone else. No one has conclusively proved why this should be the case, not least whether it is the presence of another human being that makes the difference. All the things about regulation of breathing etc are just theories. SIDS guidelines are aimed at reducing risk but they're not a set of rules.

Be led by your baby and do what feels right for you both.

[Brandysnapper]

I happily put dc1 in a room alone for naps, but dc2 was always in or around the room I was in when he napped. That is because I am willing to update my knowledge about the safest practice and change what I do accordingly. A lot of posters on here saying that they did such-and-such and all was well - all we can be expected to do is use the best available advice at the time we have the child, not cling to whatever was around years ago.

[Brandysnapper]

...how on earth could my baby "lead me" in terms of minimising risk of SIDS? Will he tell me to take his hat off, not make him sleep next to a radiator? Or that being in his car seat too long is a bad idea?
Of course he won't.

[Spadequeen]

Well I must be truly evil. Dd1 was in her own room for naps and night time from about 10 days.

Dd2 would have been too except we were in 2 bed flat and I didn't want dd1 waking in the night.

You know what, both girls have turned out just fine. They had plenty of cuddles and affections, still do, but they also were happy in their own beds.

[BuggerLumpsAnnoyed]

I find threads like this frustrating. The correct answer is no, you should not put a tiny baby in a room alone to nap. No sort if monitor makes a difference. The reason babies have to sleep in the same room as other people is because they regulate their breathing from yours. The risk to a tiny baby sleeping alone is without the sound of your breathing, they can forget to breath.

[ElphabaTheGreen]

21wo DS2 has been having one or two cot naps a day in what will be his own room since he was a few weeks old. DS1 is a very noisy 2yo so DS2 didn't/doesn't have a hope of sleeping in a pram downstairs. Yes, I could have him in the sling, but that would make every single one of his naps in the sling and, I'm sorry, but he's enormous, which leaves me in no small amount of pain by the end of the day, and severely limits the quality of what little one-to-one time I need to give to DS1. I camped out in his room with him during naps for several weeks to get him used to it and for me to learn his sleeping rhythms. He never naps for longer than 40 minutes in his cot, so I'm really not concerned about the long/deep sleep thing. He was full-term, is on the 91st centile and is EBF so his SIDS risk is minute.

I wouldn't worry too much about what you're doing OP, although I wouldn't shut the door, and I think I'd want to sit in there with her for naps for a few weeks ( + Netflix on the iPad ). I think GF is bloody odious, and I do not agree with her reasoning or methods, but I think it's good to get them having some sleep in what will be their rooms from a young age so they associate sleep and security with that room. If all you've done in there with them is nappy changes before six months, it's a bit like suddenly making them sleep in the bathroom.

[rallytog1]

Ffs brandy, that's completely disingenuous. I was talking about understanding what your baby's preferences are, not advocating wilful idiocy.

Some babies don't want to be cuddled and held constantly, and want to sleep in a quiet dark room. My own dd just wouldn't sleep if other people were nearby as it was just too stimulating. Just like some babies will only sleep when they're being held. You do what you feel is right to meet your baby's needs, bearing in mind that they are all individuals.

[dietcokeandwine]

embarrassed - no, I agree no one's mentioned co sleeping on this thread (yet).

But I've been on mumsnet a while and I've seen so many threads where 'own room' sleeping is vilified but cosleeping deified as the only way to live. Both, sadly, technically increase the SIDS risk, but for some reason lots of mumsnetters never quite seem to make that connection.

I am so sorry for the poster up thread who has lost family babies to SIDS. But as someone else says you can never cut that risk out entirely. You can only mitigate to the extent to which you are comfortable. You are not unreasonable to be comfortable about having a three week old napping in their own room, even if others would not consider it for their own DC.

[Soleurmange]

gosh coolaschmoola, im so sorry to hear of your losses. That is truly shocking. i will read up on what you recommend. i must say i am really confused - i thought a deeper sleep was a better thing, and that was what all the attempts at 'good napping' was about?

i have a 1999 copy of clb which is what im using - perhaps out of date, i will check.

i am swaddling dd, letting her settle herself after a little bit of fussing (err and by that i mean 5 mins of crying) and its wokring really well for us - but obviously i dont want to be irresponsible with the SIDS risk. other threads ive read on here have talked about how dc went into their own room from 6 weeks onwards etc.... have i missed something? im so confused now!

lettice, thank you for the support, its appreciated

[rallytog1]

And bugger there is no correct answer. There are only loose guidelines which people are free to choose to follow or not. And the stuff about breathing is a theory, not a scientifically proven fact.

[Soleurmange]

sorry missed alot of new posts, will read now, thanks

[TalkinPeace]

The carbon dioxide you exhale stimulates the babies breathing and helps prevent cot death.
Link please.

There are multiple risk factors for SIDS
I read up on them and then let my babies sleep on their fronts from day 1
in whatever room they happened to be in when they went to sleep.

[EmbarrassedPossessed]

Fundamentally, you do what you want with your baby, as long as you are not wilfully ignoring basic safety rules. Everything else is a judgement of relative risk for you and your family in your own personal circumstance. What I and others would do with our babies is interesting but not necessarily helpful for decision making, as everyone's circs are different.

However, if your DH is worried about SIDS, you need to agree with him how to minimise it to both your satisfaction - maybe check out the Lullaby Trust website for ideas how as PP have suggested.

And I would at least get a new version of the CLB baby book, as advice from 15 years ago could be very very out of date.

[fluffymouse]

I think yabu to follow Gina Ford. It really is a load of tosh.

Some babies sleep through the night early. Some take many months. It really has nothing to do with whether you follow Gina ford or not.

What really striked me about parents who follow gf was how they would not allow tiny babies to sleep/not feed them when they were hungry because it wasn't the right time according to the book. Parenting should be about responding to your babies needs, not a textbook.