to nap my dd 3 weeks in her own room? DH thinks im mad

[Soleurmange]

hi dh thinks im potty - ill admit i am following she who must not be named for the routine, which includes putting dd 3 weeks in her own room with the door shut and lights out for day time naps. at night she is in with us.

i think its better for her sleep and means that i can do things in our room during the day - dh thinks its a SIDS risk and ive lost the plot. who is bu? thank you!

[Soleurmange]

this is very interesting, thank you for all responses. its remarkable how much information we are given as parents is either not proven fact. so many different and mixed messages.

any links to hard facts welcome please, not theory, i will do some googling now

[Soleurmange]

with ref to following gf, im only follwing the rough timings (basically every 2 - 3 hours at this age, with an attempt at feeding enough milk from 7am till 10.30pm to get a 6 hour sleep) and her general principles of swaddling, allowing the baby to cry for 5 -10 mins to settle if oroperly fed and winded. and there isnt really much more to it than that as far as i can tell! all seems pretty senseible to me and much better than the back and breast breaking hell i went through of demand led feeding last time. sorry thats just my experience, i know it works for some, but not for me

[Wormatthebottomofthegarden]

Of course it's a SIDS risk, it's for all sleeps not just at night. And I'm not convinced about all naps with the door shut and lights off as you're just teaching them they can only sleep in the dark and when it's quiet.

[Bunbaker]

"other threads ive read on here have talked about how dc went into their own room from 6 weeks onwards etc.... have i missed something? im so confused now!"

Other posters personal experiences are just anecdotal and not scientific data. The risk of SIDS is very small, but it is a risk that some people prefer to minimise, myself included. That is why the guidelines are to keep your baby near you when he/she is sleeping until 6 months. Only you can decide whether you want to do this.

In my case it turned out that DD did have significant problems and she ended up with a tracheostomy at 9 weeks, and I'm glad I was so cautious. But that was my personal experience and DD's problem was very rare.

[Wormatthebottomofthegarden]

GF advocates allowing a baby to cry? At 3 weeks? Jeez.....

[Soleurmange]

www.lullabytrust.org.uk/evidencebase

just reading

[PhaedraIsMyName]

I don't see any reason why she shouldn't have naps in her own room.

How times change . In 1990 we were told to put them in their own room asap. My son had one night in our room and was in his own room from them on. Most of my friends are childless but the few who had children then did the same.

[Soleurmange]

isnt there a difference between allowing a baby to cry who has not had his/ her needs met, and allowing a baby to settle itself to sleep by crying? whats the althernative - holding/ rocking/ etc them to sleep?

[Soleurmange]

and i mean a well-fed, well-cuddled, well-winded baby

[MrsMaker83]

It sounds very restricting to only have her napping in a dark room, alone and very quiet. There will be times she will need to sleep in other places under different conditions and she might struggle to settle?

Is there a particular reason you only want her to nap in her room?

I allow my baby to have daytime naps wherever we are if she needs to... Car, pram, on the rug in the lounge, or on me. If she isn't sleeping one then i do tend to do some chores, i think her being used to a little background noise when sleeping helps her to be adaptable when she naps in the day. It also means at night when in darkness ands silence in her cot it means proper sleep and she knows it's her night time routine.

I personally savour every moment snuggled up with my baby while she naps, i will remember those moments forever, not getting housework done.

[Bunbaker]

"How times change . In 1990 we were told to put them in their own room asap."

Indeed, how times change. Medical advances and scientific evidence have discovered all sorts of amazing things. I don't think we should completely disregard current advice just because we did things differently 25 years ago.

[ThoughtsPlease]

Sole your approach to using the GF routine sounds similar to how I viewed it. Some common sense, general quidelines for regular feeding, and plenty of feeds in the day as you say. I sometimes found that we fed more in the day than she suggested, particularly around 4-6pm.

But I think good quality daytime sleep is definitely helpful for good feeding before bed, and night time sleeping.

[EmbarrassedPossessed]

IMO, the thing that GF misunderstands is that closeness and comfort is a completely valid and important need of a small baby. Just being clean, fed and winded is not sufficient. Just my unscientific opinion though.

[RJnomore]

Soleus, my kids are older now (10 and 15) but the type of routine you describd really worked for us.

And part of the routine was imposed upon us as my second was in hops iota for a few weeks when she was born and came home in a routine of sleeping, eating etc.

Sometimes I napped them in my bedroom alone while I did things elsewhere and sometimes in the room with me (never had a bedroom of their own available when both were tiny)

Dont over think it. Work out what suits for you and go with it. The big risks for SIDS are smoking and cosleeping there are certainly other things that can raise the risks slightly but you expose your child to some risk every time you eg take them out in a car so please, don't get lost in this endless argument - there are no winners. Pick what works for your circumstances, stick to your guns, and take any reasonable precautions (baby monitor etc).

Good luck, hopefully you will be able to enjoy this baby (demand feeding would have killed me).

[Wormatthebottomofthegarden]

I think allowing such a young baby to settle by crying is just cruel. I couldn't do it. At that age they only know you, they've spent 9 long months inside you and when they come out they want comfort and to feel safe, by cuddles.

FWIW I spent hours rocking my now two year old to sleep. He had reflux and colic and we spent evenings pacing around. It was hard, bloody hard work but i wouldn't have let him cry, I couldn't bear it. DS2 gets a cuddles and a dummy! He settles more easily though.

[ElphabaTheGreen]

Cuddling is a need for a three week old baby. A need that needs to be fulfilled. They should never be left alone to cry. Five to ten minutes is an eternity for a tiny baby. Hence why I think GF is odious.

[NancyRaygun]

But no EmbarrassedPossessed its IS scientific - being close helps regulate breathing, encourages milk supply and bonding.

So your instincts are scientifically the correct way

[Fairylea]

Well I understand and read all about the sids risks and still did the whole naps in own room in the dark etc from about 3 weeks and in their own rooms overnight from about 6-8 weeks. Mainly because if I had them in the same room as me during the day I found they kept being woken up from naps by me moving about / cleaning / tv etc and I needed that time to relax. At night I found both they and I slept better apart. I used a very good monitor and basically just hoped for the best considering sids is a very low risk at the best of times anyway. I used the correct tog sleeping bag etc and made sure they never got too hot.

Both were sleeping through 7-7 by about 9 weeks and both napped 2 hours a day right until about 2.5 years.

It has been a little restrictive in that they wouldn't nap anywhere but their cot but to be honest I just plan my days around being back for the nap and it doesn't really bother me. I'm not into going out all over the place to visit people or for days out anyway.

If it suits you and you feel more relaxed for it, I'd do it. Whatever you do as a parent you are judged for really. I had an elective section with my second child because I didn't want another vaginal birth and I formula fed from birth too. My eldest is now 12 and I am well past the stage of worrying about what people think!

[ThoughtsPlease]

All those who think small babies should never be left to cry even for 5 minutes, how on earth is this practical?

[LittleBearPad]

Why would you want your baby to settle to sleep by crying?

I would argue if they are crying then they need comforting. Why would rocking, holding them be so bad?

I wouldn't encourage my baby to only sleep in dark rooms in their cot - so limiting later when you have to go home for all naps.

[TalkinPeace]

Interesting : here is the full research paper
www.lullabytrust.org.uk/file/Evidence-Base-updated-Oct-14.pdf
BUT
there is the most enormous elephant in the room.

The whole document talks about Modifiable risk factors
because when I read the Edinburgh cohort study while deciding how to let my children sleep,
the top 15 risk factors were non modifiable.
I was lucky enough not to have any of them so relaxed on the modifiables.

[Wormatthebottomofthegarden]

My DC would be beside themselves if I left them crying for 5-10 minutes. How is crying yourself to sleep a good thing? How is learning that someone won't come a good thing?

[Topseyt]

You really just have to do what works for you.

I familiarised myself with all of the advice re SIDS when I had mine. At night they were in the cot in their own room from about a month old, with me checking them regularly and with the baby monitor always on. I know it isn't perfect, but that was the only way any of us got a decent sleep. Co-sleeping in the same bed would never have suited me as it would have totally stopped me sleeping, so I used the carry-cot section from the pram on the floor near my bed for about 3 or 4 weeks. Beyond that, they went into their own room and in the cot. I would leave the door ajar and a night light on on the landing so that it wasn't totally dark and I knew I would hear them if the woke up (which didn't happen very often). They were fine.

In the daytime they would often sleep in the pram downstairs, with me pottering about, but if they got overtired and still wouldn't drop off then I would take them up and put them in the cot.

[NancyRaygun]

Its not practical to say I will never allow my baby to cry. Sometimes it is unavoidable - driving/needs of other children etc. I think the argument is against the idea of crying being wilfully ignored as some insane way of 'teaching' self sufficiency and sleep.

[montysma1]

Do people never sleep. Because I did. And the children could easily have stopped breathing in the same room as me when I was sleeping, i would have been none the wiser.
Ditto, snoozing whilst out in a buggy wrapped in cozy toes and jackets.......breathing or not? I woukdnt know unless i poked them every 30 seconds.
Ditto, snoozing in the car in a rear facing car seat in the back.........breathing? No idea without stoping the car.

Do people seriously not take their eyes off a baby for more than 30 seconds ever, 24 hours a day, until they are 3?