to nap my dd 3 weeks in her own room? DH thinks im mad

[Soleurmange]

hi dh thinks im potty - ill admit i am following she who must not be named for the routine, which includes putting dd 3 weeks in her own room with the door shut and lights out for day time naps. at night she is in with us.

i think its better for her sleep and means that i can do things in our room during the day - dh thinks its a SIDS risk and ive lost the plot. who is bu? thank you!

[LittleBearPad]

All those who think small babies should never be left to cry even for 5 minutes, how on earth is this practical?

Crying in a car seat on a motorway I can't do anything about except pull over at the next services, which I've done.

Crying themselves to sleep in my house I can do something about, so I would do unless otherwise impossible. I wouldn't choose for it to happen.

[BuggerLumpsAnnoyed]

There is no scientic fact, just links with sid. A correlation between babies sleeping on their fronts and inrooms by themselves and SIDs. Theres still a lot we dont know about it but i personally wouldn't ignore the evidence. Its imo not worth the risk. And just because some people did it and it went ok means nothing

[birdssuddenlyappear]

isnt there a difference between allowing a baby to cry who has not had his/ her needs met, and allowing a baby to settle itself to sleep by crying? whats the althernative - holding/ rocking/ etc them to sleep?

But a newborn baby does have a need to be held. Up until three weeks ago she was inside you, could always hear your heart beating, often fell asleep rocked by your body whilst you were walking etc. The outside world is a huge shock to her! I would definitely cuddle her and rock her to sleep if she is crying. Her needs are not only physical like feeds and burping, they are also emotional.

[ElphabaTheGreen]

I'm an accidental 'attachment parent', so not a zealot, but babywearing, breastfeeding and co-sleeping are the things that work best for my two, and the longer I do it, the longer I feel it makes biological sense to not leave a baby to cry themselves to sleep. I saw this article on a friend's FB today which correlated with my feelings on GF. I also loathed every smug syllable of the 'letter to Dr Sears' linked in the article. I entirely agree that some babies prefer to be left alone to sleep, some need cuddles. But deliberately leaving a newborn to cry to 'teach' them something that they will eventually learn anyway is not OK, not ever.

[Soleurmange]

i am pretty convinced that a little bit of crying is actually how a baby self settles, and to not allow alittle bit of self settling eventually becomes a problem, for the baby and parents

[ElphabaTheGreen]

It is only a problem for the parents. The baby has no issues with falling asleep peacefully where they feel safest.

[dietcokeandwine]

talkin that's really interesting reading , thanks for posting.

There seem to be two concurrent arguments running here - the SIDS one and the 'naps in own room are too restrictive' one. As someone else has so rightly says, there are never any winners in the SIDS debate. And as for the 'restrictive' one-whatever you do has the potential to be 'restrictive' further down the line. Yes , the cot-lover might only sleep there during the day, which is restrictive. But it's just as restrictive, in a different way, to have a child who will only sleep on you, or only sleep in a moving car/buggy.

Let's face it, we all make the proverbial rods for our own backs, whatever we do. You just need to choose the most comfortable rod for your lifestyle!

[Soleurmange]

i feel there are a million other moments in which my childrens emotional needs are met and fulfilled, but rocking and cuddling to sleep is not when i feel, on balance they need it most. that is just my opinion though and i totally respect other opinions, and am very pro positive attachment with my kidds

[EmbarrassedPossessed]

"self settling" is an ill-defined possible concept, not a fact that inevitably will happen. My DS never "self settled" as a young baby, because I would not leave him to cry if I could possibly avoid it. He was fed to sleep for all naps and at night, and mostly slept on me for naps (or in the pram). He slept next to me (in his co-sleeper crib) at night.

For me, I felt that it was important for attachment and secure emotional development, to attend to him when he was upset unless I really was unable to at that moment (e.g. driving). I don't think "self settling" is something that can or should be taught to a small baby.

[ElphabaTheGreen]

In evolutionary terms, it is most definitely when they need it the most. Modern babies are no more advanced than their prehistoric counterparts. In prehistory, babies needed to know they would be safe enough to sleep, be protected by their mothers to enable them to sleep safely. The cry is to alert the mother that this reassurance and security is very much needed. A cuddle is needed far more at that time, when they're trying to go to sleep than when they're not crying.

[birdssuddenlyappear]

I wouldn't say that someone crying for 5-10 mins is settling themselves, I would say that they are crying themself to sleep! Newborns do get over tired so easily, but I would definitely help them get to sleep with minimal crying, whether that is rocking, sling, etc.

[BMO]

ThoughtsPlease - DS1 was never left to cry. DS2 was left to cry for 5 minutes once, aged 8 months. I didn't see any reason to leave them crying when little.

Soleurmange - I'm sure leaving a newborn to cry is very unlikely to cause any damage, but personally I wouldn't. Crying is indicating distress, not settling. Mine can self settle fine without crying themselves to sleep.

[TalkinPeace]

dietcoke
The TRUE risk factors for SIDS are not things that the OP or any poster can do anything about.
But its a bit hard to expect mothers to magically not be
(a) Poor (b) ill educated (c) in overcrowded housing (d) have had the child before the age of 25
which are the four top causes of SIDS

[BMO]

The thing about meeting infant's needs is that it should be done quickly and consistently to promote secure emotional attachments. Meeting their needs sometimes but not at other times doesn't make any sense to the baby.

[TeddyBee]

It's a bit distant really. Mine have always napped in a bouncy chair or in my arms. I wouldn't be able to soothe them back to sleep if they woke a little if they were in a different room with the door shut. First two went into their own room at six months with no bother.

[prettywhiteguitar]

www.dchs.nhs.uk/home/our-services/find_services_by_topic/healthvisiting/advice_guidance/hvs_sleeping

If you scroll down it advises controlled crying after 8 months, if you are leaving a newborn baby to cry itself to sleep in another room for 5-10 mins it would be advised against by the midwife.

Personally I can understand you trying to get a good sleep routine in place having had a nightmare sleeper myself but I think you're starting too early.

Your book is well out of date and give it another 8 weeks before you try a routine. I agree and see why your dh is frustrated with you. It's madness to let a 3 week old baby to cry itself to sleep in another room. They should easily be napping in the light in the same room at this point

[Soleurmange]

thanks perp she is, and asleep on me as i type one handed

[ThePinkOcelot]

Why so rigid with a 3 wk old baby?! Don't like the idea of shutting her in a room. Ditch the GF book!!

[Alyx80]

Yes it is a SIDS risk, they should nap with you for the first 6 months.

[HaroldLloyd]

When DS was 6 months and Wasn't napping (at all) in the day I did follow a loose day based on GFs one, but I thought a lot of it was way overly rigid and seemed a bit harsh.

At three weeks I would def. pop for naps downstairs, with DS2 he had to go in a different room as unfortunalty DS1 liked to jump in the basket. It was a worry.

Enjoy this time, it's a lovely time. Do what you feel is right and don't stress over the future months.

[ithoughtofitfirst]

Oh wow yeah I am captain attachment parenting and even I don't find this weird. I don't always do it but if ds is being a loud and boisterous cornhole around the place she goes in her room for a bit of peace and quiet.

[Sallystyle]

YABU

And who is 'she who can't be named'?

My babies all slept in the living room during the day. They all slept through all the noise which I think helped in the long run.

And NWIH would I let a 3 week old cry for 5 minutes if I could help it. Obviously there were times when the other children needed something and it wasn't possible to pick up the crying baby, but every time I could pick them up when they were crying I would. I know some babies need to fuss a bit before they sleep and picking them up can make it worse if they are overtired etc, but letting them cry for 5 minutes before every nap because some book says to do it to teach them how to self soothe? no fucking way.

[ithoughtofitfirst]

Gina Ford. I had to ask too.

[ElphabaTheGreen]

Gina Ford is SWMNBN - she sued MN, such was the vitriol levelled at her on here rightfully so that we fear to speak her name.