To ask her to exchange her gift?

[Toastandstrawberryjam]

Hoping this won't out me in RL.....

DDs birthday is this week and when SIL asked what to get her DH suggested a particular toy. I was a bit because SIL has form for odd gifts and this was an important toy of which there are lots of variations of but DD wanted the nice type. (Sorry trying to be bit cautious here!). But DH was sure SIL understood.

Anyway DH has just had a little wobbly about it, knowing how important the right type is to DD and carefully opened the gift to check it (SIL left it here at Christmas) and no it isn't the nice version. It's a cheap, crummy version.

The way I see it the best option now is for DH to say "really sorry but DD has been given a gift early by (distant relative) and its that toy. Can you exchange it? AIBU to suggest that?
The only other option is that we buy her the nice version and after her birthday give the other to the charity shop. We don't have room for two versions and tbh DD didn't want much for her birthday and will be disappointed with this.

9 is a tough age to have a bad year. And an age when it can Matter to have the one thing you really wanted. Don't blame you for checking. Plenty of good Pop suggestions on how to handle, though I favour her still having to open nicely with SIL.

As a child I remember crying behind the sofa on Christmas Day as Santa had brought me a Tiny Tears doll ( expensive to my parents at the time).
All I had asked Santa for was a baby doll I had seen in Woolworths. ( it was a large, plastic, naked, except for a nappy, no hair and probably cheap.
My parents obviously thought they were doing the right thing .
It didn't scar me for life!
But it's strange that out of all my childhood Christmases , that's the one I remember.
If you can, get your daughter ' the real thing'
P.S. No No No to birthday gift in Christmas paper.

If it bothers you, just replace it with the proper version. If you're lucky, no-one will be any the wiser. She can say thank you for the present and SIL will be happy too.

We have same issue with MIL who buys bags of crap (which then breaks within 20 minutes and the children get upset). I'd much rather she bought one decent thing that was worth the same amount. I just open it and replace the dodgy stuff and re seal.

If I were you op I would phone SIL and just say 'Oh dh said you were buying her a x? Fab...I'm sorry to be cheeky but i just wanted to check if you got the [insert brand or description] type because it's the only thing she asked for so don't want her to be disappointed...you know what kids are like. Oh you didn't? I'm so sorry dh didn't say. Would you mind very much if we exchanged it?'

Honesty (without saying you actually peeped at it) is best here IMO.

If it's wrapped in Christmas paper you have the perfect out here. Tell her you went to rewrap it as it's a BIRTHDAY present, NOT a Christmas present and saw that it's not what DD asked for so could she please get 'correct toy' or something entirely different and you'll get 'correct toy'. Tell her she can collect 'wrong toy' when she comes for DD's birthday.

The only polite thing to do regarding your SIL's gift is to not say anything, and you try and find the toy for your daughter before her birthday, and let her open the "good" one first thing in the morning, play with it, maybe mark it with her initials on the bottom or something so it can't be returned? If you can't get one in time, you may have to tell your daughter that morning that you ordered it, but it is late in arriving.

We really did have a no show of a gift this year, and so we printed a pic of it, rolled it up and tied with a ribbon, and gave it to the person, also written on the page was the explanation. It arrived yesterday so we delivered it. Someone else in the family was doing the same thing, an item was late coming. I got the printed pic idea from them! (luckily they were not both for the same person)
She may enjoy the knock off, knowing the real deal will be there soon. When it does, donate the copycat toy.

I didn't realise that a toy could ever be classed as "important".

I want to know what this toy is which has "correct" and "fake" versions, is so big that you wouldn't have space for two, and even the "correct" version only costs £15.

Come on, OP. Naming a toy which is popular enough to have cheap knockoff versions can't possibly out you to anyone except family close enough that they'll know it's you just from the details you've given already.

I'm afraid all this "I can't possibly tell you anything which would make my completely implausible story believable" stuff makes the whole thing sound invented.

Gosh there are a lot of miserable bastards on this thread! I suppose you lot were purposely buying your kids something slightly wrong for Christmas just to teach them a lesson?

She's 9. Her birthday is not a tune for harsh life lessons.

And can people stop saying "I don't understand why you didn't buy it yourself if it was so important" - OP has already explained SEVERAL times that she wanted to and it was her DH who fucked up by asking SIL to get it.

I'd go with someone else having bought her it, oh no SIL could you exchange? Or if you can't get hold of one, let her open SIL's but get her the real one later if she's disappointed.

OP could still have bought it through and kept to one side, then if SIL had the wrong one she was prepared and of SIL got it right it could be returned.

I'm with skylark though and think the thread is not real. A £15 toy from a film won't take up that much space that two cant be kept in a whole house.

A box of £15 Lego would take up the space of a cup so presuming the "similar important toy" takes up a similar amount of space, you can easily have 2.

Oh for heavens sake I haven't actually said its a massively huge toy. But she has a tiny bedroom and it's not something that anybody would want two of.

And I have changed a few tiny details, enough so I can't be recognised easily but to say what you it is will mean the potential of a massive family fallout.

I thought if I moaned about the Christmas paper I would get flamed, I'm none too happy about that either but that's par for the course in this situation.

Right, I have ordered the proper version and will explain to DD shortly before gift opening time IF SIL turns up.

And I would just like to say that DD was beautifully mannered when opening her Christmas present from her this year, even though she was disappointed.

"And frankly her room is so small that she can't fit two of them in there"

So it's either she can't fit two in as per yesterday's post or that she doesn't just want two of them

As it seems a regular occurrence that your DD is disappointed with gifts, perhaps it would be wise to tell your SIL to stop gifting in the nicest way possible so she doesn't waste any more money on gifts that are deemed "disappointing" or perhaps suggest a voucher or £2 coin.

She can't fit two in in a way that they won't be virtually next to each other is what I mean. Which will look ridiculous. I'm sorry I can't explain it better than that.

Unfortunately we have suggested that many times but SIL insists. And she doesn't like to do vouchers instead. I do understand how difficult it can be to choose presents for children, but I don't understand people who ask what to get and then don't.

Will look ridiculous. Since when has it mattered what a toy looks like? You sound ridiculous. All this drama and not prepared to even say what the toy is. I asked before is it Paddington?

She was also disappointed in her Christmas present? I'm afraid she does sound a bit of a madam... How bad can a present be to cause such despair especially at Christmas after Santa's haul?

I missed the disappointment about the Christmas present. I'm speechless.

FFS, a child being disappointed does not make them a madam or the OP a drama queen!

If your OH asked you what perfume you wanted for a gift and he bought a knock off version wouldnt you be disappointed, knowing that money wasnt the issue?

If you are going to ask what a child wants, and you would insist that your own child got the "proper" version, then do the same for the other child or dont bother! I am not fussed if people get gifts for my kids or not, I am always grateful when they do but I never expect it. But if someone was to ask specifically what they wanted and I didnt get that item on the strength that they would be buying it, I would be a bit put out that they got an "oh that'll do" version especially if they are precious about what their own kids get.

And the OP has said several times that she doesnt want to risk outing herself by naming the toy, why keep pushing it?!

Yes she was disappointed at Christmas. She doesn't get a "haul" of gifts. Some from Santa and one gift from grandparents. And most 8 year olds would be disappointed with a huge box containing a toy they have no interest in.

Was just about to post the same as bogeyface. What she said with bells on.

Ffs the op has clearly said more than once why she won't say what it is and that's perfectly reasonable. Have some of you really got nothing better to do than insult a stranger because she won't answer your questions in the amount of detail you deign to be appropriate?

OP you are getting a hard time. Glad you have ordered the real present. Might I suggest that if your SIL goes off list and buys crap that you should do the same next year.

I don't really understand why kids are particularly supposed to be grateful for whatever they receive, even if it's not what they want. I mean, yes, be polite, but surely there's no obligation to like or use the item?

As an adult, it's pretty irritating to be asked to supply a list, then have it ignored in critical ways - as an example, DP asked for a blender and got a fat-reducing grill - but one can go to the shop, argue for an exchange, sell it on eBay, etc.

For a kid, I think it's worse as they have little or no power to fix the problem. Certainly when I was a kid, birthday and xmas gifts were IT: the only chance to get a coveted toy / book 4 in a series / etc. I didn't get the pocket money to replace even a £15 toy easily, and if I did have birthday money I was dependent on a parent taking me to the shop / placing an order / etc.

TLDR: OP, yes, I think you should get the right one. Probably no point in discussing it with SIL, and it's a real shame your DH farmed out this task, putting you in a pickle!

I wanted Sanctuary stuff for Xmas. It's not super-expensive and it's 3 for 2 at Boots. If DH had gone and bought me a cheap bubble bath instead, I would have said, "thanks" and been disappointed. I'm ancient.

Why does a small child not get to be disappointed when she gets something she doesn't want? OP has said she hides it and says thanks. Some people just want to suck the joy and fun out of everything, including birthdays and Christmas for small children.