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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask her to exchange her gift?

135 replies

Toastandstrawberryjam · 31/12/2014 11:13

Hoping this won't out me in RL.....

DDs birthday is this week and when SIL asked what to get her DH suggested a particular toy. I was a bit Hmm because SIL has form for odd gifts and this was an important toy of which there are lots of variations of but DD wanted the nice type. (Sorry trying to be bit cautious here!). But DH was sure SIL understood.

Anyway DH has just had a little wobbly about it, knowing how important the right type is to DD and carefully opened the gift to check it (SIL left it here at Christmas) and no it isn't the nice version. It's a cheap, crummy version.

The way I see it the best option now is for DH to say "really sorry but DD has been given a gift early by (distant relative) and its that toy. Can you exchange it? AIBU to suggest that?
The only other option is that we buy her the nice version and after her birthday give the other to the charity shop. We don't have room for two versions and tbh DD didn't want much for her birthday and will be disappointed with this.

OP posts:
Bananayellow · 31/12/2014 11:43

If she really is as you describe and wouldn't dream of giving her own dc a cheap version then I'd make it obvious.

Get her the real one and wrap it from your parents or someone. Let her open the two at the same time and watch sil squirm with embarrassment. Nothing else needs to be said except thanking everyone for their gifts"

Original poster
Toastandstrawberryjam · 31/12/2014 11:43

I did want to buy it!

And frankly her room is so small that she can't fit two of them in there.

I can see IABU though!!

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 31/12/2014 11:44

I woukd thank SIL for the 'lovely gift' and get your ds the nicer version. Mabey regift tge other one.

Aeroflotgirl · 31/12/2014 11:45

Dd I meant

Sn00p4d · 31/12/2014 11:48

You don't know until she opens it that your dd won't be happy with the 'cheap' toy, she might be perfectly happy and gracious to have received it and perhaps could teach you a thing or two
Give her the chance. I would hope you've brought her up to be grateful for any gift of any value by the age of 9.

Floggingmolly · 31/12/2014 11:48

What's the toy?

shovetheholly · 31/12/2014 11:49

I think you're being given a bit of a hard time here, OP! I appreciate that this isn't a big issue compared to some, but I can see why you are uncertain how to handle it!

I agree with what a previous poster said: this is an excellent time to teach your daughter about hiding her disappointment and saying 'thank you' gracefully. Let her open the gift in front of SIL as planned, just as if it were her 'real' present (i.e. don't tell her she's getting the nice version).

She sounds like a lovely young girl, so I am sure she will come through the trial with flying colours. Bearing in mind that it's not a trivial one for kids - there are plenty who can't do it and would throw a massive tantrum even at 9! - you can 'reward' her by giving her the nice version of the toy at a later point when SIL has gone. I'd be a bit clear with it that not every bad present will be replaced this way, and that this is a one-off because she's had a bit of a rubbish time lately.

The main problem of this whole situation is really your DH who clearly hadn't grasped the unreliability of your SIL. Good time to sit him down and ensure that she is never given responsibility for an important gift again!

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 31/12/2014 11:51

I don't think you are being terribly unreasonable, actually, Toast. If someone asks what to get your child for Christmas/birthday, and you ask for a specific item, it isn't unreasonable to expect that they will get the right item - providing that your suggestion is reasonable, and within their budget (which it clearly was in this case).

I would go and buy the right version for your dd and regift your SIL's version.

Floggingmolly · 31/12/2014 11:52

What's the important gift??

Original poster
Toastandstrawberryjam · 31/12/2014 11:52

I'm not willing to say what it actually is. Sorry. But will say it's from a film so will be obvious the cheap version is not the right one.

And actually DD isn't spoilt. She's been brought up that it's better to have one nice thing than a boxful of cheap stuff that will fall apart. I don't think that's wrong.

OP posts:
Floggingmolly · 31/12/2014 11:53

If it's fecking Frozen, then you're being unreasonable just on principal!

Original poster
Toastandstrawberryjam · 31/12/2014 11:54

No thankfully it's not Frozen!!!

OP posts:
DaisyFlowerChain · 31/12/2014 11:55

Just buy her the correct one then yourself. Given it sounds like it's from frozen and is only £15 I can't imagine even in the smallest of rooms that there's not enough room for two dolls etc.

YABU to have opened the gift first and vetted it. If it was that important you should have got your DH to call his sister back and say oops DW has already bought it so you could get x instead.

Floggingmolly · 31/12/2014 11:55

Good Grin

Mammanat222 · 31/12/2014 11:56

If this present is so important I really don't understand why you (her folks) didn't get it for her?

Also second the question as to why you have the gift already if SIL is going to be there to see DD open it?

Did you open it and wrap it back up in same paper? Shock

I just don't get any of it really?

ChippingInLovesChristmasLights · 31/12/2014 11:57

Why won't you say what it is? It's a toy.

SaucyJack · 31/12/2014 11:59

I think you're being a bit unnecessary Sn00p4d

I don't think a £15 toy is an outrageous demand from a nine-year old and the OP was more than willing to buy it herself.

My nine-year old always asks for a Monster High for Xmas/Birthdays and although she might play with one of those cheap knock-offs you can get in Morrison's, she'd still want the branded one as well (which I'd buy if I were the OP).

If someone asks you what you want for your birthday there's nothing grasping or grabby about actually telling them. Else what's the point?

Original poster
Toastandstrawberryjam · 31/12/2014 11:59

I wanted to get it. DH thought it would be nice if his sister got it.

She gave it to us at Christmas. No idea why but on previous form I would say so if she gets a better offer to go out on DDs birthday she doesn't have to come round.

DH carefully undid the wrapping paper and could tell from the top of the box it wasn't the proper version.

OP posts:
Blanketontheground · 31/12/2014 11:59

I think you need to get over yourself.

GahBuggerit · 31/12/2014 12:01

i couldnt get past the bit where you actually opened it to check! just......wow

Inertia · 31/12/2014 12:01

Just get the nice version yourself and give it to DD beforehand, then pretend that you'd already bought it before DH discussed it with SIL.

sockmatcher · 31/12/2014 12:03

Is the new toy in stock. If so go and buy it.

shovetheholly · 31/12/2014 12:03

I imagine OP doesn't want to say what it is because it might out her. And that's reasonable.

Also, she's made it repeatedly clear that she wanted to buy the gift herself but it was her DH who landed her in this mess. Like so many AIBU threads, it's really a problem with the DH (not a major one in this case, thank goodness).

GahBuggerit · 31/12/2014 12:05

i mean, i always got stuff i was a bit disappointed in as a kid but fgs thats life! im surviving, unlike my mate who never seems happy with what shes got, her parents always got her the best toy/coat/whatever too.

sockmatcher · 31/12/2014 12:07

I know someone who opens every Xmas and birthday gift to check it. Rejected if doesnt meet her values or expectations regardless of whether her children would like it. Now that's controlling!

The OP isnt controlling. She's trying to minimise disappointing her DD who doesn't sound like an entitled brat.

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