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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I cancelled on my friend and she won't talk to me now

121 replies

tobytoes · 25/12/2014 21:36

Basically I had arranged to meet my friend this evening so our children, both 2, could swap presents. It was only going to be for an hour before they go to bed so I thought, no big deal if I cancelled. I'm at my parents house for Christmas day and we are all having such a great time we've deceided to stay the night. So I text her, no reply, again and again no reply, I know she's been using her phone so she is ignoring me. Is this such a big deal? I can't imagine being upset if I were in her shoes but hey maybe I am being unreasonable. What do you think?

OP posts:
InteriorsMum · 25/12/2014 21:38

I think you are being extremely rude. You have made an arrangement and the cancelled at the last minute because something better happened essentially, put yourself in her shoes...

Littlefish · 25/12/2014 21:39

It depends what else she was doing today. You made an arrangement, and now you've cancelled it. Maybe meeting up with you was going to be an important part of her day. I think you've been unreasonable if I'm honest.

APlaceInTheWinter · 25/12/2014 21:40

If I was cancelling on someone then I would have called at the least. I don't think a text is appropriate really.

tbh I also don't think you should have cancelled. You'd made an arrangement and it's just rude to change your mind because you feel you're having more fun somewhere else. Sorry if that sounds harsh.

Sianilaa · 25/12/2014 21:40

Maybe your friend wasn't having such a great day and was really looking forward to seeing you both. And you ditched her at the last minute for a better offer.

I'm afraid YABU.

Sn00p4d · 25/12/2014 21:40

I'd be absolutely raging.
YABVU

Original poster
tobytoes · 25/12/2014 21:40

I have put myself in her shoes and I honestly wouldn't be upset interiors it was only for an hour while the kids swapped gifts you see and I told her in the morning when we were meeting in the evening

OP posts:
TrojanWhore · 25/12/2014 21:41

Reverse?

If so, no you you not have to talk to someone who has let down both you and your 2yo because she got a better 11th hour offer.

Levantine · 25/12/2014 21:41

You were rude.

treaclesoda · 25/12/2014 21:41

I don't blame her for being annoyed. Maybe she was looking forward to it? You're basically saying 'I'm having more fun where I am, I can't be bothered with you now that something better is on offer'.

On the other hand, how annoyed I'd be in her shoes would depend on how often you treat her like this. A one off and I'd be annoyed but get over it, a regular occurrence and I'd conclude that you really didn't care about me much at all.

Mrsgrumble · 25/12/2014 21:41

Ha she been on her own all day? Maybe this is all she had to look forward to

InfinitySeven · 25/12/2014 21:41

Have you considered that she may have looked forward to seeing you?

And that she may have told her child that you were seeing each other?

Or just that being cancelled at the last minute, by text, hurts?

Original poster
tobytoes · 25/12/2014 21:42

Hummmmmm okay sounds like I am being unreasonable then, crap. It was only for an hour I am struggling to imagine her upset but obviously she is. She has her family today aswell, so I know she's not alone.

OP posts:
Littlefish · 25/12/2014 21:43

But you're not putting yourself in her shoes, are you.

You've made a decision based on your circumstances, not hers.

Just because you wouldn't be upset, doesn't mean that she doesn't have a right to be.

I have a friend who regularly cancels arrangements we've made, at the last minute. I have recently made a decision not to meet up with her anything like as often as I find her behaviour rude, hurtful and disrespectful.

Original poster
tobytoes · 25/12/2014 21:44

I also took her family out last night so it's not like we haven't seen each other for ages. I drove 30 miles to get them all and take them out to the theatre.

OP posts:
Babyroobs · 25/12/2014 21:44

Sorry but yes I'd be really annoyed and even though the children are young, perhaps she has now had to explain to her child that you are not coming and the child may be upset too.

Original poster
tobytoes · 25/12/2014 21:44

We see each other all the time

OP posts:
HerrenaHarridan · 25/12/2014 21:45

After the day I've had if my friend cancelled on me last min is be devastated but u may be a little emotional drunk

Original poster
tobytoes · 25/12/2014 21:45

Her daughter would definitely not understand yet

OP posts:
PurpleSwift · 25/12/2014 21:47

Yabu. And jumping to conclusions. For all you know she is too preoccupied to respond.

CinnabarRed · 25/12/2014 21:47

Sorry, another YABU here. And you seem determined not to accept that you have indeed been rude.

Alisvolatpropiis · 25/12/2014 21:47

You were rude. But not friendship endingly so.

Leave it now, she'll be fine.

spinduchess · 25/12/2014 21:47

You've not only let your friend down, you've let down her DC and that is awful.

YABVU.

MadeInChorley · 25/12/2014 21:48

YABU!
You sound very smug. "Oh goodness we're having such a marvellous time here that we've decided we'd rather be with these people. You can bugger off. No big deal though, eh? Merry Christmas"

tanukiton · 25/12/2014 21:48

I purposely dont tell my daughter if we are meeting one friend. You can guess why, I got fed up with explaining to a disappointed face.

TheRealMaryMillington · 25/12/2014 21:50

You blew her out, on Christmas Day. That's pretty bad.

What were the rest of her plans for the day?

She would do well to remember May Angelou's wise words...never to make someone a priority when they make her just an option.