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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I cancelled on my friend and she won't talk to me now

121 replies

tobytoes · 25/12/2014 21:36

Basically I had arranged to meet my friend this evening so our children, both 2, could swap presents. It was only going to be for an hour before they go to bed so I thought, no big deal if I cancelled. I'm at my parents house for Christmas day and we are all having such a great time we've deceided to stay the night. So I text her, no reply, again and again no reply, I know she's been using her phone so she is ignoring me. Is this such a big deal? I can't imagine being upset if I were in her shoes but hey maybe I am being unreasonable. What do you think?

OP posts:

DoesntLeftoverTurkeySoupDragOn · 25/12/2014 22:10

I don't think you were unreasonable to cancel by it was unreasonable to do it by text. You've spent the day thinking she was ignoring you - if you had phoned you would known she was busy.

Mulderandskully · 25/12/2014 22:10

It's Xmas day. She may well have made arrangements around your hour meeting specifically so it could be fitted in and now she's wasted her time- maybe her day could've been easier / more fun had she known she didn't have to fit your meeting in

KatieKaye · 25/12/2014 22:12

That was a really crap thing to do.
Have you given any thought as to what you can do to make it up to her?

CassieBearRawr · 25/12/2014 22:13

Hahaha blimey you don't really get social nuances do you OP?

ANewMe2015 · 25/12/2014 22:14

I think its pretty awful tbh.

tobysmum77 · 25/12/2014 22:15

hahaha related to the op that's a new one . Raging are we ?

Italiangreyhound · 25/12/2014 22:15

I would be upset. To meet non-family on Christmas day implies you are special friends, to cancel at short notice without a good reason calls that into question, imho.

You sent a 8massive apology' and she has replied. So maybe she was busy or maybe she was upset and your massive apology did some good.

Glad you are back speaking, it is not nice to fall out with friends.

Bowchickawowow · 25/12/2014 22:16

I don't think you are that unreasonable but I see I am very much in the minority!

Original poster

tobytoes · 25/12/2014 22:16

I know her and she was definitely okay. Ended with the usual 'love you' so I'm happy she's okay. Meeting tomorrow.

OP posts:

Starlightbright1 · 25/12/2014 22:17

She may of been busy but doesn't make it right

QuietTinselTardis · 25/12/2014 22:19

Do you know what, op has been a bit rude but if I'd been cancelled on by a friend when I was with my family on Xmas day then yes I'd be disappointed but I certainly wouldn't be raging and I wouldn't ignore my friend. Especially if we see each other all the time anyway. On that basis I'm gonna go with yanbu.

Original poster

tobytoes · 25/12/2014 22:21

Thanks for the Like minded posts, I don't feel like such a biach now for thinking it's not a big deal. I do understand the replies but I am a laid back person and in my world this isn't a big deal. I'm glad my friend is okay that being said.

OP posts:

JuanDirection · 25/12/2014 22:21

That was a massively crappy thing to do to someone on xmas day. I bet her dd was gutted, having looked forward to it all day. If you'd ruined my dd's xmas I'd be really annoyed too. Seems you have been very lucky she's been gracious and let it go this time, but you should really think about other people's feeling next time before arranging something you might not be arsed to go through with.

DixieNormas · 25/12/2014 22:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

puffinsaregood · 25/12/2014 22:22

If I was OP's friend I would have been disappointed, but not angry. Over the Christmas holidays plans often change, and I can understand someone wanting to spend more time with family, or keep their children indoor s and not get them over tired. OP, I really doubt that your friend was sulking. She may have been a bit miffed, but you have apologized, so no need for dramatics.

Original poster

tobytoes · 25/12/2014 22:22

juan I've ruined her Xmas? Really? I'm sorry but that is just a ridiculous comment

OP posts:

CinnabarRed · 25/12/2014 22:23

Was that a sick puppet or relative up thread, BTW?

Italiangreyhound · 25/12/2014 22:24

tobytoes the fact you thought she might be pissed off with you suggests you yourself might think it was unreasonable.

And although she may be fine she might have had a bad day and been looking forward to seeing you.

If a friend did that to me without a good reason I would not be angry, I would be a bit hurt.

Glad you are being meeting tomorrow.

crumblebumblebee · 25/12/2014 22:24

On MN, people don't get miffed or a bit irate, they 'rage'. All very over the top!

Bowchickawowow · 25/12/2014 22:25

The friend has been with her own family all day, the DD is 2. I cannot believe this has ruined her xmas.
My sister was meant to visit us yesterday but cancelled last minute, it didn't occur to me to be cross - everything is so hectic around xmas that it doesn't seem like a big deal.

puffinsaregood · 25/12/2014 22:25

I really doubt this has ruined the friends dds Xmas, Juan, as they also had family round, and weren't sitting around all day waiting for the OP`s visit. Unless she was hoping that the OP had bought her an Elsa doll of course!

Marzipanface · 25/12/2014 22:26

I just don't see this as a big deal from either point of view. I might be disappointed but raging? Seriously? Plans change, particularly if you have children. So YANBU.

Original poster

tobytoes · 25/12/2014 22:26

I know crumble

I'm still laughing at juan comment. I've ruined her daughters xmas?

OP posts:

puddymuddles · 25/12/2014 22:27

I think it is not good to cancel on a friend at the last minute - but some people on here are way over the top saying they would be really angry etc. I wouldn't be bothered at all in the circumstances you describe - ie she had spent the day with her family (ie not alone) and you had all seen each other the night before.

Her text back that she was busy might mean that she was a bit upset - but it might mean just that - she was busy!! Forget it now!

happybubblebrain · 25/12/2014 22:27

I had a couple of friends that did this quite often. It always upset dd because her dad does it all the time too and it's just more disappointment. It is really rude and upsetting for children. They're not my friends anymore.

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