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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I cancelled on my friend and she won't talk to me now

121 replies

tobytoes · 25/12/2014 21:36

Basically I had arranged to meet my friend this evening so our children, both 2, could swap presents. It was only going to be for an hour before they go to bed so I thought, no big deal if I cancelled. I'm at my parents house for Christmas day and we are all having such a great time we've deceided to stay the night. So I text her, no reply, again and again no reply, I know she's been using her phone so she is ignoring me. Is this such a big deal? I can't imagine being upset if I were in her shoes but hey maybe I am being unreasonable. What do you think?

OP posts:
Alisvolatpropiis · 25/12/2014 21:50

Made, I doubt op phrased it quite like that, though might be helpful if we had a rough idea what was actually texted.

Original poster
tobytoes · 25/12/2014 21:50

Smug? Okay.

OP posts:
Howmylifeschanged · 25/12/2014 21:52

Really really rude and actually pretty horrid on Christmas.

Original poster
tobytoes · 25/12/2014 21:52

Are people serious? We were meeting for an hour before bed. That was it.

OP posts:
juicycelebrity · 25/12/2014 21:53

Rude. I'd be upset if I was your friend.

Original poster
tobytoes · 25/12/2014 21:53

Okay I guess I am being unreasonable then, no one has said I'm not so I am. I asked the question and I got my answer.

OP posts:
MadeInChorley · 25/12/2014 21:55

OP, you asked for an opinion on an AIBU thread. General consensus seems to be that YABU. So, um, yes.

CinnabarRed · 25/12/2014 21:55

For me, it would be a really big deal to involve non-family in any way on Christmas Day, a really big deal. My DH wouldn't be best pleased, and would only be persuaded if my DCs were really looking forward to it. I would be deeply unimpressed if, having laid all that ground work, my friend then couldn't be bothered to come round - and my DCs would obviously be disappointed.

Those are just two possible reasons why your friend might not be talking to you.

Original poster
tobytoes · 25/12/2014 21:55

Yes thankyou made I can see that

OP posts:
treaclesoda · 25/12/2014 21:56

Yes, people are serious Confused

It's not about the fact it was only for an hour or that you see her all the time. It's about the fact that you arranged to see her then changed your mind when something else seemed more attractive. If you didn't want to call you shouldn't have made the arrangements in the first place.

CinnabarRed · 25/12/2014 21:58

Have you rearranged for tomorrow?

WooWooOwl · 25/12/2014 21:59

Yeah sorry, you really are being unreasonable I'm afraid.

Alisvolatpropiis · 25/12/2014 21:59

It really isn't likely to be the end of the world, op.

I have cancelled last minute before, as have pretty much all my friends, at one time or another. May well have been narked at the time but not in a massive way. Same with the friends.

SnapeChat · 25/12/2014 22:00

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

tobysmum77 · 25/12/2014 22:01

sorry but I think the people on here are bonkers 'raging' I mean really?

It's just one of them imo.

CinnabarRed · 25/12/2014 22:01

Tobysmum77 - any relation to the OP?

Starlightbright1 · 25/12/2014 22:02

You firstly have no idea what sort of a day she has had..Cancelling on Christmas day yes I would take as a snub.

My biggest issue would be while I don't give my DS notice...Popping round for an hour is something my DS would look fwd to and would be disappointed.

So yes you owe her a big apology IMO

crumblebumblebee · 25/12/2014 22:02

Text her and grovel. Maybe she had a really shit day.

WhyYouGottaBeSoRude · 25/12/2014 22:02

I dont get why you think 'only an hour' makes it less rude/upsetting than a longer period of time. Confused

It doesnt matter if it was only ten minutes to swap presents and say happy christmas, you agreed to do it, she and her child were probably looking forward to it then you changed your mind at the last minute leaving her to explain to her child. That isnt nice, especially on xmas day.

LadyLuck10 · 25/12/2014 22:05

What a rotten friend you are. I'm sure she's more upset that her children would have been looking forward to it!
You cancelled at the last minute for a better offer, can't you see how horribly rude that is?

CinnabarRed · 25/12/2014 22:07

True - it's never OK to cancel for a better offer....

Original poster
tobytoes · 25/12/2014 22:07

I've just messaged her with a massive apology and she replied saying sorry she didt reply but she was busy. One of you was right, she was busy.

OP posts:
CandODad · 25/12/2014 22:07

Anyone on here being "raging" must be a little screwy in the mind. Yes it's crappy but not life changing, even if the person the op was meeting was the only person they would see today.

CinnabarRed · 25/12/2014 22:09

Of course she said she was busy - she's being gracious.

Karasea · 25/12/2014 22:09

I wouldn't gave cared, arrangements round Christmas or new year easily change. I can quite understand why it might be a better option to stay put. Respect in friendship is important, but good friends can be honest about changing plans. I have no overly dramatic friends just lovely ones who you can say honestly to that actually the kids are settled and relatives want you to stay and you are a bit knackered... If you flake out often it's an issue, if not I think your friend is OTT. Apologise for any unintentional upset and see how it goes.