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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I cancelled on my friend and she won't talk to me now

121 replies

tobytoes · 25/12/2014 21:36

Basically I had arranged to meet my friend this evening so our children, both 2, could swap presents. It was only going to be for an hour before they go to bed so I thought, no big deal if I cancelled. I'm at my parents house for Christmas day and we are all having such a great time we've deceided to stay the night. So I text her, no reply, again and again no reply, I know she's been using her phone so she is ignoring me. Is this such a big deal? I can't imagine being upset if I were in her shoes but hey maybe I am being unreasonable. What do you think?

OP posts:
Original poster
tobytoes · 25/12/2014 22:28

Finally some like minded posters. She has just text saying she's been eating all day and feels sick and is going to bed soon.

OP posts:
Waitingfordolly · 25/12/2014 22:28

I think you're getting a hard time OP. If she was on her own or had another reason why your visit was centre of her day then maybe I would say different but that clearly was not the case. It would have been fine with me and I might even have been relieved to not need to do another thing in a busy day so I think YWNBU.

Original poster
tobytoes · 25/12/2014 22:30

Thanks waiting I know she's had family all day long so you could be right that she was relieved, I know I would be.

OP posts:
GoneGirlGone · 25/12/2014 22:33

Rotten friend?? Huge overreaction on this thread. Glad all is sorted now OP.

Original poster
tobytoes · 25/12/2014 22:34

Thanks gone

OP posts:
PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange · 25/12/2014 22:36

I would have been relieved and thought it was a bonkers idea in the first place.

zoemaguire · 25/12/2014 22:36

I don't think it us such a big deal either, sorry Blush It would have been a shitty thing to cancel on her if she was on her own all day, but she had family too. If it was me I might be disappointed depending on the circumstances but I'd certainly understand. Sometimes the day just doesn't quite evolve as you imagined, especially at Xmas.

saintlyjimjams · 25/12/2014 22:36

Depends on the friend. I wouldn't care less if someone did that to me (would prob be relieved if I was comfy on my sofa). Some of my friends wouldn't careess, others would mind terribly, So depends which camp she falls in - she doesn't sound bothered, so all fine.

Original poster
tobytoes · 25/12/2014 22:38

If she was by herself this threads title would have been a long the lines of "feel like such a crap friend....." I'm not that heartless.

OP posts:
Biscetti · 25/12/2014 22:41

Fuck me there's some pathetic people about. It was for one hour ffs, hardly a huge occasion to bail out of. No, tobytoes, YANBU. Fuck, if it was me you'd cancelled on today I'd have been thrilled, as quite frankly the sofa is the only place I wanted to be.

'Raging' 'ruined Christmas' fucking hell.

treaclesoda · 25/12/2014 22:41

But if she had been on her own all day then cancelling on her would in itself have been pretty heartless.

usualsuspect333 · 25/12/2014 22:41

It's not that big a deal. I rearrange things with my friends all the time.

Alisvolatpropiis · 25/12/2014 22:43

There are some seriously over sensitive souls posting on this thread.

You and your friend sound like me and mine, op...flexible about plans.

CassieBearRawr · 25/12/2014 22:43

"YANBU and your friend is a mad cow for giving a toss, don't you worry petal" Is that what you wanted to hear? Feel better now OP?

usualsuspect333 · 25/12/2014 22:47

Oh ffs,

Some posters need to get over themselves. It's not like OPs mate hadn't seen another living soul for months.

tobytoes · 25/12/2014 22:48

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

AlwaysWashing · 25/12/2014 22:52

Don't worry OP I'm pretty sure if your friend is anything like mine this won't be a issue. Me and mine completely understand that Christmas is manic and that family comes first. I don't think it's a case of getting a better offer, if you are with your family they get priority. Cancelling in the circumstances you describe, ie she is with her family too, I would think is perfectly acceptable. If it were that you were the only person she was going to see all day then it would be different, but if that we're the case I doubt you'd be having this conversation anyway.

AlwaysWashing · 25/12/2014 22:53

Xposted with loads of people there!!!

Sn00p4d · 25/12/2014 22:56

To be honest there has been some amount of drip feeding here op!
You failed to mention that you'd seen her yesterday and that she had family all day today, it changes things, obviously, as you can see from the massive change in tone on the thread!
Going by your initial post I was absolutely in the 'raging' camp. Possibly coloured by the fact I have had a friend who cancels last minute constantly.
You're not bothered, you're friend isn't bothered, you're seeing her tomorrow, all well and good.
Not ok to have a go at earlier replies as being over sensitive, over reacting etc when you only gave half the story!

Chiggers · 25/12/2014 22:57

YANBU. You text her this morning to say you can't meet up this evening, which gives her plenty of time to organise something else. It's not one of those events that ruin Christmas. You know she has had people with her most of the day, so she'd probably be glad of the peace (unless she's one of those "must have someone with me at all times" busy people).

As long as you both agree to rearrange for another time, then I don't see a problem or a big deal.

CassieBearRawr · 25/12/2014 22:58

I like AIBU's where people just want their bias confirmed. Is there a PJAWM thread - Please Just Agree With Me?

furcoatbigknickers · 25/12/2014 22:59

I think cancelling was fine but don't keep texting thats a bit mych.

Original poster
tobytoes · 25/12/2014 23:01

sn00p the story unfolded as I was posting. I apologised after reading the replies on this thread. I acted upon the general reaction of people which was that I was being unreasonable so I apologised. Hardly my fault I ended up drip feeding. If it's annoying you then don't read the thread

OP posts:
MrsCakesPrecognition · 25/12/2014 23:01

This is what happens when, instead of applying a bit of common sense and waiting for your fried to reply (because you know her better than us and can judge if she a likely to be upset of busy), the OP flaps about and starts and AIBU rather than enjoying her family evening. Panic over.

furcoatbigknickers · 25/12/2014 23:06

I don't really get the angst about cancelling meet ups as long as you are told and its not all time. Things happen and change. Monday my friend cancelled on me, tuesday I wasn't well so cancelled night out then today had vague plans about meeting with friends which did happen. Flexibility?!?