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AIBU?

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Original poster

I have upset SIL, she has accused me of calling her a bad parent (GTA related)

200 replies

40somethingwonderful · 25/12/2014 15:00

Met up at her house for Christmas and exchanged gifts, My nephew opened up a gift from "Father Christmas" and he was so excited as he got the gift he wanted Grand theft auto, My mouth was wide open and my SIL asked what was wrong, I just said isn't that an 18 rating, she said "I think so, but it is what he wanted".

Later on my nephew put the game on and I told my children to come out as it was not suitable for them, sil got all uppity and told me its Christmas and I should loosed up, I explained that while it is her decision to let her DS play it, I have the right as a mum to not allow my children to play it, she then said to her son you carry on, I don't mind, but then I must be a bad mum.

We quickly made our excuses and left shortly after.

What would you have done?

Nephew has just turned 8 and my eldest is 13.

OP posts:
SorchaN · 27/12/2014 03:47

I don't think GTA is suitable for anyone, to be honest! And I'd have taken my kids out of there too. She's maybe not a bad parent, but she could be a better parent!

bloodyteenagers · 27/12/2014 05:10

In the interests of research i set
Up another game.
You cannot stop the
Initial heist. It is graphic. You have to shoot cops and the language is
Graphic.

So I made it passed there. You are in a first mission. Jack some cars,
Lots of swearing and a police chase.

Fast forward, finished with the chase listening to some NAS on the radio. Gets another car and listen
To some 2pac, not talking Dear
Mama.

Driving around avoiding
The game play... I piss someone off and at traffic lights pulls me out of the car using a gun... Lots and lots
Of swearing
And a shootout... Maybe I was
Just unlucky..
Gets another car. Nope not
Unlucky...
Any parent thinking it's a good driving game is a fucking idiot. Even with the sound down, didn't stop me seeing and participating in shoot outs.

Thumbnutstwitchingonanopenfire · 27/12/2014 05:26

I know this is barely relevant but still...
When I was 9, a friend lent me her mum's copy of The Fog (James Herbert) and then The Rats (also James Herbert). There are scenes in both that still, nearly 40 years later, stay in my memory, because the descriptions were so graphic and I have a good imagination, and "see" stories as I read them.

I had nightmares for weeks afterwards. I couldn't set my foot to the floor getting out of bed, in case there were killer rats under there. I was far too young to read those books and deal with them sensibly. Yes, it wore off, but I'd rather not have put myself through that! (I still hate rats...)

How much worse I would have been if they'd been films/games, I don't like to think!

Bowchickawowow · 27/12/2014 09:22

There isn't a child appropriate way to play GTA because it isn't a child's game. It is for adult gamers. At 15/16 I think it would be more difficult to enforce but at 8, no way.

Sheitgeist · 27/12/2014 09:26

I bought GTA 5 for my son last Christmas. I was very slightly uneasy about itand wondered if I should have.

He was 21.

Lara2 · 27/12/2014 11:11

I just get cross when people say "It's none of my business if someone else's child plays GTA, COD ETC". My question is : then whose business is it exactly when we all know that these games are not OK for young children to play? Why shouldn't we stop our DC's going round and make it abundantly clear to the parents why we've made that decision? If they were allowed to watch violent porn films, we wouldn't even be having this debate - why are games different?
Why is it not OK for teachers to have the " it's not appropriate" conversation with pupils or parents? I've been flamed on here ages ago for gently suggesting to a child (5) that GTA was a grown-up game and they shouldn't play or watch it.
Why are we all turning a blind eye because it's seen as interfering? In this case I don't think it is........

Eustasiavye · 27/12/2014 11:23

Good point Lara.

It is parents such as the op sil and Bill who turn to others to parent their children.

Parents such as these who want schools to parent their children. These parents who cost society millions of pounds when outside agencies have to go into schools to work with these parents and their ferrel children when they simply cannot parent them.

Their fault because they allow their children to do as they please using the pathetic excuse that 'it was what the child wanted so I let them do it, now i can't cope, please help.'
Yes lots of decent parents face hard times and need help but come on the majority of referrals in schools are down to a lack of decent role modelling.

Lack of boundaries is bad for children. They simply cannot cope . They cry out for discipline, boundaries and love. Cannot cope with the most basic of commands at school, cannot form lasting friendship, fall behind academically. The list is endless. Possibly ending up aggressive, violent and on the edge of society.

Yes this can happen to those with 'good parents' if they too have been overindulged. Rarely to those who understand the meaning of the word no.

pictish · 27/12/2014 11:32

Yanbu - GTA is a horrible game for a child imo. My son is 13 and I won't allow it in here. I wouldn't see the game banned or anything (it is just a game) but it's an adult's thing.

Good news - this will blow over. You did nothing wrong, and she was defensive because she knows you're probably right about its unsuitability.

If it has to be discussed (and I think it should) you can cheerfully explain that she can do what she likes and so can you...so let that be an end to it.

DoILookLikeIWorkHere · 27/12/2014 11:57

I told my brother my son wasn't allowed it but he bought it and disguised it (I posted earlier). My brother has now told me stop my middle class rantings and to fuck off and die!! If that's how Gta makes you behave I'm glad I put it in the bin. I'm so disgusted by his behaviour. My Ds(15) knows that game won't ever be in our home even when he's old enough to play. Sorry to hijack 40something. I'm just so angry and sad.

ArcheryAnnie · 27/12/2014 12:00

YANBU - I'd have done the same. A game where you can murder prostitutes is not one which 8-year-olds should be playing.

NowBringUsSomeFuzzpiggyPudding · 27/12/2014 12:15

Haven't read whole thread but I would've done the same as you

browneyedgirl86 · 27/12/2014 13:19

Doilooklikeiworkhere-That is awful!! The fact your DB tried to sneak it in disguised as something else is bad enough it to tell you to fuck off and die?! That's vile.

HexBramble · 27/12/2014 15:00

Lara and Eustasiavye - I so
So so agree with you both. I'm a secondary school teacher and everything you say is true. It isn't a minority anymore either - we have many many pupils who have been indulged in their every whim and boundaries have blurred terribly as a result. We as a school pick up the consequences and the time taken away from actual teaching is horrendous.

This obviously goes beyond gaming, but things like smart phones with unlimited internet and no safe mode are a common occurrence in classes. Don't get me started.

If only parents knew the harm they are doing by indulging their children like this.Sad

HexBramble · 27/12/2014 15:03

Doilooklikeiworkhere - your brother is a prize twat for talking to you like that. I would have snapped the disc in half and sent it back to him. Show him this thread, the disrespectful fuckwit, and tell him to back off your DS. I would no longer trust him to be around your DS.

DoILookLikeIWorkHere · 27/12/2014 15:46

Yep he's a proper twat. The kind that's abusive by text but not willing to answer his phone. My kid is going near him unsupervised. Who knows what his next stunt would be. The rest of my family are shocked.

Thumbnutstwitchingonanopenfire · 27/12/2014 17:31

DoILook - that's outrageous! What an utter twatbadger your brother is. Does he have any DC himself? I really hope not, with that attitude! Shock

Lara2 · 27/12/2014 18:52

I know of a 4 year old who watches 'Walking Dead' with his parents because he asked if he could. Father told me that said child now has an obsession with zombies and cutting off people's heads etc!! Seriously??!! What goes through people's minds when making these decisions?????

QueenofLouisiana · 27/12/2014 19:18

I'd have removed my DS as well! It's a horrible game which has nothing suitable in it for children.
FWIW I talk to parents regularly about my concerns about the games my Yr6 class play. It doesn't always go down well... As for the whole "it's what they wanted" argument, my DS wants to live on Nutella sandwiches but as the adult in this relationship I have the final say on that idea!

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 27/12/2014 21:15

Jeez, even I cant watch Walking dead without getting scared.

CassieBearRawr · 27/12/2014 21:40

Wow WorkHere, your brother sounds like a piece of work! To be fair he's just a cock, the game didn't make him that way.

Bulbasaur · 27/12/2014 22:13

On principle, I'd say YANBU. Someone else's parenting decisions don't affect my child, nor will they ever. I'd have done the same thing, and if she was a gracious host, she'd make him put away the game until you left so everyone could be included.

For GTA, even hard core gamer DH wouldn't let DD near that game. I can't believe any sane parent would let their 8 year old play that. Violence aside, there's cursing and sex content to be aware of.

There's no such thing as a "mature 8 year old". Sorry, there's not. They may have advanced language skills and be less rambunctious than other children, but they still have the mind and reasoning of an 8 year old child.

The good news is, it won't mess him up for life or turn him into a hardened criminal. But the parents continuing letting him call the shots could very well make him a pain in the ass as an adult.

jellybeans · 28/12/2014 00:04

We have it and it is a good game but not suitable for small ones at all. I also dislike the porn scenes. I did the 'torture' scene and didn't find it that bad though? And I am a wimp and won't watch 18 films! Would have preferred without though. But the graphics and freeplay are what makes it great.

It is quite possible to just drive round and round in a car or ride a bike up mountains etc but the sound would have to be on mute due to swearing and would have to involve very close supervision to avoid the rude bits.

Problem is almost all high school kids have that type of game and tablets and laptops etc. Permissive parenting and materialistic parenting seems the norm nowadays. Many kids on their own after school also.

Geeno1 · 31/05/2016 13:15

My son is 9 and has never asked for this game but if he did it would be a simple NO! Saying that, there are plenty of his school friends, year 4, that have been playing it for the last couple of years. I really can't understand why parents let their children play these types of game 😡

Kenduskeag · 31/05/2016 13:39

What did you do, search for people talking about GTA two years ago?

I wish Mnet could put a lock on old threads.

tiddlyipom · 31/05/2016 13:48

What iswith all the zombie threads lately?
It's getting ridiculous.

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