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AIBU?

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Original poster

I have upset SIL, she has accused me of calling her a bad parent (GTA related)

200 replies

40somethingwonderful · 25/12/2014 15:00

Met up at her house for Christmas and exchanged gifts, My nephew opened up a gift from "Father Christmas" and he was so excited as he got the gift he wanted Grand theft auto, My mouth was wide open and my SIL asked what was wrong, I just said isn't that an 18 rating, she said "I think so, but it is what he wanted".

Later on my nephew put the game on and I told my children to come out as it was not suitable for them, sil got all uppity and told me its Christmas and I should loosed up, I explained that while it is her decision to let her DS play it, I have the right as a mum to not allow my children to play it, she then said to her son you carry on, I don't mind, but then I must be a bad mum.

We quickly made our excuses and left shortly after.

What would you have done?

Nephew has just turned 8 and my eldest is 13.

OP posts:
meisiemee · 26/12/2014 08:07

Princesstrop I agree, I must be a bad mother as I do let my DS 8
Play it, he plays online with an 8 year old girl.
However, they do not know the full potential of the game, they drive around collecting cars and talking about the cars and the sound is off.
I have never ever seen some of the scenes others have suggested.

HexBramble · 26/12/2014 08:12

Meisiemee why risk it though?
And if you let me play online with another, do you sit with him the whole time monitoring? Why do you think the legal is is fixed at 18?

Am interested in your opinion.

meisiemee · 26/12/2014 08:16

I am in the same room, there is a risk but you need to go hunting into the game specifically looking for the scenes others suggest. They won't be stumbled upon, so collecting and racing the cars is harmless and as said he plays with another little girl online. I can hear their conversations and have no concerns at all.
It's 18 because of the reasons everyone has suggested, but as said you have to go searching for that content.

trowelmonkey1 · 26/12/2014 08:24

Holy fucking Christ!! He's 8?! YADNBU. I'm fairly relaxed when it comes to gaming, but the 18 rating is there for a reason. I second angel's idea.

noblegiraffe · 26/12/2014 08:27

Why the bloody hell do you not just buy him a driving game and then not have to worry about torture and prostitutes and murder because most driving games manage without them?

Why can't 8 year olds just play mariokart?

Bowchickawowow · 26/12/2014 08:31

But meisimee if he has to play it with the sound off, under constant supervision and monitoring, why not go for one of the many hundreds of other car based games out there?!

Bowchickawowow · 26/12/2014 08:32

?X post!

TheHoneyBadger · 26/12/2014 08:36

i wonder if it would help if the cover, and the blurb wherever it was sold (up front in bold text) had to state: contains scenes of explicit sexual violence so that it was clear to parents WHY it was an 18 given they have become desensitised to age ratings?

Mrsstarlord · 26/12/2014 08:36

There are loads of driving games which are appropriate for 8 year olds, why go for an 18? My youngest is obsessed with it, he is 9 and had LD, his friend at school plays it . He wants to know how many weeks it is till he's 18 so he can play it. It's none of my business but I'm really appalled when my kids friends are allowed to play it. Makes me really wonder whether I can let my kids play at their houses when their parents don't seem to want to keep them away from inappropriate things.

TheHoneyBadger · 26/12/2014 08:37

exactly mrsstarlord - if my 7yo liked collected cars and racing them with a pal online whilst chatting no problem but i wouldn't have to resort to an 18 rated game to achieve that.

zippey · 26/12/2014 08:38

I don't think you will necessarily be a bad parent if you let your child play age inappropriate games. People have different opinions.

I do think there is a lot of pontificating going on here though without people having actually played the game. It reminds me of those who wanted certain literature or media banned eg The Satanic Verses or Four Lions having only heard about them from other people.

Having said that, there is probably a lot of ignorance to the content of these and similar games from parents who buy them for their kids.

TheHoneyBadger · 26/12/2014 08:38

(in reality he prefers killing zombies or shooting things and hunger games style games and i haven't even had to resort to 18 games for THAT!)

MrsHathaway · 26/12/2014 08:40

Trading Standards considers GTA as appropriate a gift for an 8yo as a crossbow, FWIW.

I think OP was pretty restrained. I hope SIL finds out more about the game and sees sense. I'd assume it will be easier to make up if OP takes the line "you can't have known how adult the content would be" than "are you thick? what do you think age ratings mean?" Grin

TotallySociallyInept · 26/12/2014 08:42

meise as cassibear said

*I used to work for a game shop. I assure you plenty of kids are just being bought this outright, no 'access through older siblings'!

What makes me so sad are the staggering amount of truly fantastic age appropriate offerings out there - you're missing out on so much by leaping straight to GTA V! Personally I've been kept very well occupied by Little Big Planet 3 for the past few weeks.*

I also would just like to add your Ds has another 10 years to get bored of 'collecting' cars and start exploring other scenes. FFS Buy him a racing game or something. And you may think that your ds is not effected by it. But a but I'm pretty sure if you ask some teachers which are the most bullyish/violent kids at school, are the ones who play games that a not age appropriate. (yes I know not ALL children are effected by these games and some kids don't need these these games to be bullish/violent)

noblegiraffe · 26/12/2014 08:42

I haven't seen the Saw films but that doesn't stop me from knowing they are unsuitable for young kids, or from being horrified when I've heard them discussing them.

TotallySociallyInept · 26/12/2014 08:46

not ALL children doh!

HexBramble · 26/12/2014 09:05

Meisiemee, as others have said, I just don't see why you'd risk it, especially given the countless other age suitable games you could buy. Is your DS aware of the 18 rating?

JCDenton · 26/12/2014 09:18

How is this game legal? If you replaced the violence against women with a minority it wouldn't be

Because there are people of pretty much every demographic in the game? If someone wants to hunt out women and minorities then that's their mind that's the problem.

dirkdiggler1 · 26/12/2014 09:21

This reply has been deleted

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JCDenton · 26/12/2014 09:28

To actually answer the OP, YANBU. I've been in almost the same position 10 years ago when my aunt bought my 7yo cousin Vice City. Unlike your case she realised her error and took the game away. Games are seen as less 'for kids' for teens and GTA's content well publicised now. (Partly because I think they make certain scenes 'edgy' to cause outrage but whatever)

Eustasiavye · 26/12/2014 09:54

Op your sil is an absolute fuckwit.

She is responsible for parenting her child and that includes telling him no.

To use the excuse that everyone else does it and he wanted it is the reason that children become unruly and undisciplined.

If he asked for heroin would she give it him?
There are lots of things that other pele do it does not make it acceptable to allow your child to do it.

I despise parents liked her, they make it so much harder for decent parents who then have the added obstacle of having to contend with her slack parenting.

I would not allow my ds to have it and he is 16.

DuchessofBuffonia · 26/12/2014 10:48

YANBU

Last summer, one of the 'hardest' Y11 boys in the year chose GTA5 as the subject of his IGCSE speaking exam. They could pick any topic they wanted and present to me alone (plus voice recorder).

He had been playing games like this for years. His presentation was that the rating should be raised to 21 and strictly enforced. He also argued that parents should be punished if they let their children play it, or bought it for them.

He said that he regrets ever playing it and that there were scenes that he should have never seen. Even some of the language was too much for him.

It was an eye-opening presentation and discussion: completely unexpected from the lad who chose it.

Timetoask · 26/12/2014 10:53

She is being extremely irresponsible. Her excuse of "that's what he wanted" is ridiculous! She is the parent and should have said no to it and yes I think she is a bad parent for not protecting her child's young mind from that sort of game.
I would have done exactly the same as you.

duplodon · 26/12/2014 11:17

I am the most hippy dippy liberal everyone-has-their-reasons, don't-judge-others person known to womankind but seriously? NO.

I had a very troubled aunt who was single parent to two boys who were video game addicted at that age and the older one was into incredibly violent game content. As an adult, he has serious mh issues and while he would have had these anyway, I wish his brain wasn't chockablock with samurai fighting content. The family have had to remove three sets of samurai knives from his possession and he was in a stand off with police at one point having wandered around his town in a Samurai outfit carrying weapons. It would have been better for him, us and anyone he might ever harm or make frightened if his obsession with animals had been 'fed' instead of his obsession with violent imagery.

I think people underestimate this stuff hugely. Once those images are in your brain, they are in your brain and are not going to be erased. There isn't a cat's chance in hell my boys will be allowed ANY of these things in our house, even if they beg. I might as well give them money for drink and drugs.

HexBramble · 26/12/2014 11:17

"Shut your face"?
Oh blimey, what grim talk towards someone expressing an opinion. "