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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Is it me or my parents? Huge row.

464 replies

Sequinscheermeup · 23/12/2014 14:42

Will try to keep this short. I went out at the weekend for the second time this year. I go out once or twice a year. This is because I am a lone parent and have no childcare. Its fine, I am used to it. So last weekend I asked my parents to look after my children so that I could go out. We went and stayed at their house. They are not the easiest people in the world but I make the effort and they do seem to love the children. I have two dc. My parents have probably looked after them about seven times in their lives, my eldest is 11.

Anyway I drank too much, far far too much Blush and the next day I was simply not capable to drive. Every other time they have had them I am always back by 10 am the next morning, I have never been late. I cannot tell you how ill I was, I don't even know if it was just hang over because we ate out too and I am wondering if there was food poisoning involved too as it is not like me to be so ill. As I couldn't stand up without being sick my sister (who I had gone out with) called my parents and said can you hang onto the kids for a bit "Sequins" is really ill and she can't drive like that. She said my Mum was clearly annoyed. So I slept for a bit longer then phoned her and explained that I couldn't drive. She was clearly angry.

In the end I managed to get home in the evening, I probably still shouldn't have been driving. My parents were kept informed throughout. On arrival they were absolutely furious and started shouting and yelling at me about this. I am afraid I refused to accept the bollocking as I felt it was undeserved and pointed out to them how much free childcare they had had from me for my siblings over the years (big age gap and from the age of about 11 I babysat constantly, ALL childcare during school holidays etc) different times back then I suppose. I also pointed out that I had done this many times at night until the early hours etc. In fact they have never had to pay for a babysitter for their youngest children because I did it all and quite often their friends children too. I also pointed out to my Dad who was ranting about me being too drunk to drive that I had witnessed repeated incidents of him being drunk and hung over and how it had impacted on our family as we grew up. He then tried to throw me out, relented and let me stay because my children were in bed and told me to "get out first thing tomorrow and that is it between us, we are finished". They have form for falling out with people for years and years. The following morning I left after a few cross words with my Mum, who still thought they were totally in the right.

Anyway if you have got through all that, I am feeling terrible about it all today, just so sad, its Christmas and my dc heard some of it and it was made clear what an imposition it was to have been looking after them. I don't know whether it should be me extending the olive branch or not, not that I feel much like it right now. Thanks for reading Smile

OP posts:
NeedsAsockamnesty · 24/12/2014 11:00

I have read the entire thread and I think you are all at fault. Your parents for being over dramatic shitty parents and you for being unorganised and irresponsible sykadelic offers what I think is a spot on break down of the problem.

When you drunk so much you had every knowledge that you were drinking you did not know that you were also harvesting a bug. Chances are the bug alone would not have resulted in being incapable of looking after your children.

Nothing wrong with going out and having a blow out but next time make better plans. Advance arrange childcare for longer than you did or have a emergency (you not driving) plan to collect them or set a time you won't drink after or a amount of drinks limit.

No matter what type of childcare you use it is a problem to dump an additional 12 hours on them a bug compounded by alcohol is not a emergency nor is is a accident and it would piss me off (saying that tho I would have advance told you "your probably getting smashed why don't you grab them tomorrow night")

A friend of mine once nipped out for a pack of fags leaving her son with me, she came back over 2 weeks later and I still didn't get as dramatic as your wanker parents.

limitedperiodonly · 24/12/2014 13:04

If you're still reading OP, YANBU.

I cannot imagine my parents being annoyed with me in the same situation, let alone shouting at me. They love their grandchildren and they love me.

I'd grovel madly and they'd say: 'It's nothing. Forget it.'

I don't think MIL would be annoyed either, but I'd feel more guilty because I don't have the same relationship with her and I'd feel embarrassed about getting pissed.

That said, my MIL has been entertaining after a few sherbets too Grin, but I love her and DH loves her even more. Not that I'm suggesting MIL is a lush or irresponsible or rude.

My own mum didn't drink, though didn't judge others for it and would have wanted me to have a good time on a rare night out.

Merry Christmas OP Xmas Smile

BigBoobiedBertha · 24/12/2014 13:08

Those who you have said that the OP deserves to be shouted at and thrown out of the house in the middle of the night, I fully expect to see your children on the Stately homes threads in the next few years. Shame on you if you think the way the OP was treated was acceptable. We all make mistakes even you. Yours like being unsupportive, hyper-critical and selfish parents. Being a few hours late picking up your children having been a bit drunk and a lot ill is pretty minor in comparison to that.

Roseformeplease · 24/12/2014 13:20

YANBU at all. They deserved it for being so unreasonable, and judgemental, like their mates on this thread. Families are about give and take, about unconditional love and concern. It sounds like they see you in the role of servant / child and you fought back for once.

Hope all are well in your little family and you have a great Christmas.

limitedperiodonly · 24/12/2014 13:27

It's interesting what other posters have said about cultural expectations of childminding.

My mother was thoroughly English and so is MIL and they'd be miffed if I chose a babysitter over them, even if it was more convenient for me Confused.

It would be very inconvenient btw because my mum lived about 15 miles away and MIL is 150 miles away. My mum would martyr herself by coming up on the tube and having a great time. MIL is more sensible.

I'm not trying to insult those posters btw. I'm chipping in my cultural perspective. Family is family, isn't it? And it doesn't sound like you are an irresponsible mother.

noddingoff · 24/12/2014 14:49

YANBU.

Haven't RTFT so sorry if already discussed:
You said your dad was drunk/hungover on various occasions during your childhood and it impacted on the family. If he used to be a borderline/ functional alcoholic back then do you think that he and your DM could have taken fright at one episode of their previously very responsible daughter going on the piss and viewed it as evidence that she was "on the slippery slope"? (then reacted in completely the wrong way as of course flinging somebody out of the house isn't the best way to help them)?
They were probably just being nasty though.
I think that all the free childcare you used to do for them is relevant.

WhirlyTwirlySnowflakes · 24/12/2014 15:09

Bertha - who said that please?

ScrummyPup · 24/12/2014 15:17

FlowersBrewCake OP

Nicola19 · 24/12/2014 15:38

I think being on your own is really, really hard,OP, and I don't blame you at all in any of this.

Sequinscheermeup · 24/12/2014 17:32

I'm interested in why all the free Childcare I did for them is "irrelevant", because it's been said a few times.

Poor them because they had to do 12 extra hours but not me because I spent a significant portion of my childhood and teenage years doing it?

I'm sorry (well not really) but I just don't see how taking all that help from me then refusing to give any back is irrelevant. I would love an explanation.

OP posts:
Sequinscheermeup · 24/12/2014 17:37

limited that's how my ex MIL would have reacted, exactly as you described and it's how I would react to my own dd. I often used to babysit for ex SIL and always said come back when you're ready, have lunch etc. I often made plans for activities that included her child so would have him till the afternoon the following day.

Maybe I'm just a much nicer person than some on here Smile?

OP posts:
AskMeAnother · 24/12/2014 17:42

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Sequinscheermeup · 24/12/2014 17:46

I didn't read your post Ask I think you are just a GF and I won't be engaging with you any more. I think I said this previously.

OP posts:
StillStayingClassySanDiego · 24/12/2014 17:56

Ask why are you still here?

WhyTheFace · 24/12/2014 17:56

Ha. This thread is like that 4 Yorkshiremen Monty Python sketch.

I wouldn't even SMELL an alcoholic drink because I am a MOTHER and even sniffing a glass of booze would render me incapable of caring for MY CHILDREN in a satisfactory manner. But in the same breath I am completely ok with letting my adult children fend completely for themselves forever without any help from me!

OP - your parents sound horrible, for your father to throw his toys completely out of the pram on Christmas week just says it all AFAIC.

WhyTheFace · 24/12/2014 17:59

Oh and a nice snide little "I feel sorry for your children" there from ask. Spiteful, unnecessary and a completely out of order post.

I think when one starts being completely vile like that it's time to have a jolly hard look at oneself in the mirror.

Sequinscheermeup · 24/12/2014 18:04

I didn't read her post why but thanks for sticking up for me Smile.

As for feeling sorry for my dc, no one should, they are adored and I have made sacrifices for them that my detractors on this thread couldn't begin to comprehend.

Merry Christmas ask and you have my good will, because you really need it.

OP posts:
anothernumberone · 24/12/2014 18:04

I wouldn't even SMELL an alcoholic drink because I am a MOTHER and even sniffing a glass of booze would render me incapable of caring for MY CHILDREN in a satisfactory manner. But in the same breath I am completely ok with letting my adult children fend completely for themselves forever without any help from me

The irony of this was lost of me up until you wrote it. OP you have the patience of a saint still responding to some of the posts here. I can see clearly how wrong your dps are when you have held your composure so well here Smile.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 24/12/2014 18:07

How are things in the Sequins house tonight kid?

Hope all is well and have a wonderful Christmas.Xmas Grin

WhyTheFace · 24/12/2014 18:09

I'm a lone parent too OP and have they AUDACITY to sometimes go out and get drunk with my friends.

I have no doubt that my DC's are irreparably damaged by this and so I've given myself a darned good thrashing.

Thank god for MN and all the saints who sail in her, without whom I would never have seen the error of my ways.

GothMummy · 24/12/2014 18:12

You poor love, OP.
If you were my Dd i would have looked after your kids and you as well, for as long as you needed.

Sequinscheermeup · 24/12/2014 18:14

Ds sick for the last time this morning. Dd not at all and eating ok now. She obviously has a much sterner constitution that me and her brother Smile. Both beyond excited for Christmas. Roll on bedtime though so I can get some flipping wrapping done. Not wrapped one present yet. Simply no time. I daresay it's my own fault though because of my antics at the weekend Wink.

OP posts:
Sequinscheermeup · 24/12/2014 18:15

You sound lovely gothmummy Smile. Thank you.

OP posts:
NeedsAsockamnesty · 24/12/2014 18:29

I'm interested in why all the free Childcare I did for them is "irrelevant", because it's been said a few times

Poor them because they had to do 12 extra hours but not me because I spent a significant portion of my childhood and teenage years doing it?

Because just because someone else behaves badly it does not mean you should.

It would have been relevant if you had attempted to plan that length of childcare in advance and they refused but you didn't

TheRealAmandaClarke · 24/12/2014 18:43

My friend's mother frequently has her dd (dgd) to stay. She is happily involved in their lives.
When we (ok, pre dc) used to get drunk when younger her dm would lovingly scold, leave us a bowl by our beds, and water and in the morning she would roll eyes and make eggs/ andin/ black coffee.
She was no pushover. Just a fabulous mum.
I always said "i want to be like that when I am a mother." So nirturing.