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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Is it me or my parents? Huge row.

464 replies

Sequinscheermeup · 23/12/2014 14:42

Will try to keep this short. I went out at the weekend for the second time this year. I go out once or twice a year. This is because I am a lone parent and have no childcare. Its fine, I am used to it. So last weekend I asked my parents to look after my children so that I could go out. We went and stayed at their house. They are not the easiest people in the world but I make the effort and they do seem to love the children. I have two dc. My parents have probably looked after them about seven times in their lives, my eldest is 11.

Anyway I drank too much, far far too much Blush and the next day I was simply not capable to drive. Every other time they have had them I am always back by 10 am the next morning, I have never been late. I cannot tell you how ill I was, I don't even know if it was just hang over because we ate out too and I am wondering if there was food poisoning involved too as it is not like me to be so ill. As I couldn't stand up without being sick my sister (who I had gone out with) called my parents and said can you hang onto the kids for a bit "Sequins" is really ill and she can't drive like that. She said my Mum was clearly annoyed. So I slept for a bit longer then phoned her and explained that I couldn't drive. She was clearly angry.

In the end I managed to get home in the evening, I probably still shouldn't have been driving. My parents were kept informed throughout. On arrival they were absolutely furious and started shouting and yelling at me about this. I am afraid I refused to accept the bollocking as I felt it was undeserved and pointed out to them how much free childcare they had had from me for my siblings over the years (big age gap and from the age of about 11 I babysat constantly, ALL childcare during school holidays etc) different times back then I suppose. I also pointed out that I had done this many times at night until the early hours etc. In fact they have never had to pay for a babysitter for their youngest children because I did it all and quite often their friends children too. I also pointed out to my Dad who was ranting about me being too drunk to drive that I had witnessed repeated incidents of him being drunk and hung over and how it had impacted on our family as we grew up. He then tried to throw me out, relented and let me stay because my children were in bed and told me to "get out first thing tomorrow and that is it between us, we are finished". They have form for falling out with people for years and years. The following morning I left after a few cross words with my Mum, who still thought they were totally in the right.

Anyway if you have got through all that, I am feeling terrible about it all today, just so sad, its Christmas and my dc heard some of it and it was made clear what an imposition it was to have been looking after them. I don't know whether it should be me extending the olive branch or not, not that I feel much like it right now. Thanks for reading Smile

OP posts:
YouCanDoItNow · 23/12/2014 23:48

yeh you've had a rough time on this thread too. Another dressing down you could have done without. :-/

differentnameforthis · 23/12/2014 23:51

I also find it laughable how people who wouldn't do this are considered 'sanctimonious!

ToffeeCaramel · 23/12/2014 23:55

Not read the other replies but given how much free childcare you provided for your parents and even their friends from the age of 11 years old, it sounds like they owe you a lot more than 7 days of childcare over 11 years!

flippinada · 23/12/2014 23:55

I rarely go out drinking myself and virtually never to the point of being incapable and wouldn't even if I had the choice. I don't like it.

I still think the posts on here attacking the OP are horribly sanctimonious.

MomOfTwoGirls2 · 23/12/2014 23:58

Well, from OP it sounds like you got very drunk. Maybe it was made worse by something you ate.
But if you can't see that turning up hours later than initially expected to collect your kids warranted an apology, then I think you are as entitled as they come.
I have 2 preteen DC. I do way too much for them. But I don't think I'd have much sympathy if they were late to pick up kids caused by waaaaay to much alcohol on night before.

Mydelilah · 23/12/2014 23:59

Saying you wouldnt have a good night out isnt sanctimonious per se. Getting on a high moral 'will anyone think about the children' horse and insulting the OPs commitment to parenting when shes on her annual night out and the DC were in the care of their GPs is....

Sequinscheermeup · 24/12/2014 00:01

Jesus Christ on a horse drawn apple cart! Where exactly have I ever said on this thread it didn't warrant an apology? I apologised repeatedly! Only my Bully of a father was stuck back in the nineties somewhere thinking I was still a teenager he could verbally attack and intimidate. I'm really worried about the comprehension skills of some you.

Yes there's been some real nasty responses on this thread but they are by far outweighed by the lovely and supportive so I am not at all up set by them, more bemused than anything else.

OP posts:
flippinada · 24/12/2014 00:01

How many times.. The OP did apologise. Go back and RTFT Mom.

flippinada · 24/12/2014 00:05

Agree Mydelilah.

stayanotherday · 24/12/2014 00:10

Hope you feel better op. What a horrible thread. I understand them being a bit cheesed off but you apologised and they sound horrid. When they choose to speak to you after two years I wouldn't. They sound controlling by doing that with people so everybody jumps through hoops. I'd cut off all contact. They'll have nobody in the end as people will get fed up.

campingfilth · 24/12/2014 00:23

I haven't read it all sorry. I just wanted to say they are massively taking the piss having a go at you when you provided free childcare for so long.

I would happily babysit for you and wouldn't give two shiny shits what time you turned up as long as I knew but then I would have offered to have them two nights so you could get as merry as you liked, let your hair down and have a day with a hangover/lazing about.

TBH I think they are right arseholes speaking to you that way.

I hope I never, ever treat my DS or his partner the way your parents have treated you.

Frogme · 24/12/2014 00:28

Even if it was not a bug, then they have completely over reacted. Ok they may be slightly annoyed, but as a one off "mistake" then most people would moan a bit and ask for you to be more careful next time.

I'd be really upset at their reaction. YANBU. Only twice a year is crap too.

MyDHhasnomemory · 24/12/2014 00:29

Hi OP, I have not read the entire thread but wanted to wish you a happy Christmas.

Your parents sound very mean spirited, and unpleasantly angry about the situation. I am guessing they get riled up about things and there is no way back from it.

You are doing a great job as a single parent and really, 2 nights out a year, you are amazing.
No idea where you live but if its close I'd babysit for you Xmas Grin

iwasyoungonce · 24/12/2014 00:36

Sequins YANBU. I can't believe anyone is taking your parents' side in this. After the description of how your DF shouted in your face and threw you out, honestly, I'm disgusted that anyone would be defending their position in all of this.

You're their daughter. You were unwell. You needed their help.

For me, that says it all. As a parent, I'd happily do anything to help out my children if they were in your position. I don't care if it was self-inflicted illness (although that is sounding unlikely). It's irrelevant. None of us are perfect, and I love my kids, so I'd be there for them in this situation, instead of judging them and shouting abuse.

There are some pretty hard-nosed people on this thread. Or perhaps just people spoiling for an argument. If they think your parents have been reasonable, then they need to take a long look at themselves.

I hope you manage to have a happy Christmas, and that you and the kids get well soon.

As for your parents, if I were you I would find this extremely hard to forgive unless they offered a full and sincere apology for their disgusting behaviour.

momb · 24/12/2014 00:40

Your parents were angry because they thought you were so drunk that you couldn't pick up your children at the agreed time. From your initial OP it does appear that you thought you were horribly hungover and your sister thought so too. As a parent you shouldn't be so drunk that you cannot fulfil your parental responsibilities. They were angry because they thought you were being irresponsible.
It turned out with hindsight that you had a virus and your incapacity was due to that.
This is so very not worth falling out with your parents over. When everything has calmed down make the case for your virus: ie the kids have it and you have all had a terrible time in the run up to Christmas...and put it behind you. What you did as a member of the family living at home in your 20s is quite different from asking them to babysit so doesn't count. Concentrate on the current issue and resolve it amicably. They got the wrong end of the stick and everyone was angry. By cutting off your only option for childcare you would be cutting off your nose to spite your face. I say this as one who didn't have a night out without for 7 years as a SP.

MomOfTwoGirls2 · 24/12/2014 00:51

Well you might have apologised, but them you had huge argument.
I see it all the time in my family and inlaws where DC are picked up hours later than expected. It always make me think USER.

I can't believe that most posters are in support of you. Sounds like you gave as good as you got in that argument. You all sound as bad as each other.

ChippingInLovesChristmasLights · 24/12/2014 00:51

...and on it rolls, people still not reading the thread before posting, or if they have, need a refresher course on comprehension.

Sequins. It's definitely 'not you'. They sound horrible and frankly, I hope they do give you two years of peace.

I have no idea what's up with some people, but best to ignore it. People can make up any old crap on the internet and many regularly do, just to bait posters...not worth the head space.

You need to start swapping kids with friends for babysitting. You need a life outside those 4 walls.

I hope you and the kids are all feeling better soon x

Oh, and there's only one thing you should do with that olive branch Xmas Wink

Sequinscheermeup · 24/12/2014 00:57

We'll mom it's not just anyone but is in fact MOST posters on the thread agreeing it's not me so I will take my cue from that Smile.

OP posts:
cakedup · 24/12/2014 00:59

Haven't read the whole thread, but when I read your OP sequins I just knew you'd get a hard time. I've never understood this mentality - that I've only ever come across on MN - that your kids are your responsibility alone, grandparents don't have to babysit and look after YOUR children and if you do anything less than perfect (i.e. let your hair down every now and again) then you're an irresponsible parent.

No wonder the community spirit is dying a death. 'It takes a village to raise a child', at the very least families should be there for each other. I am a lone parent and understand the need to let your hair down once in a while. My mum and dad would NEVER refuse to babysit, and I NEVER take the piss or take this for granted. I'm very lucky that my parents enjoy every minute they spend with my ds, without any resentment. If anything, they encourage me to go out, so I can get a well deserved break and they get the chance to spoil their grandson (without me there to stop them!). Surely this is how it should be? I cannot imagine it being any different when I might get the chance to do the same for my ds.

Plans change, people are late or get ill or drink too much or whatever. So bloody what. Are you sanctimonious lot saying you've NEVER made a mistake or not done what you said you would do? What seriously uptight lives you seem to lead.

Sequin yanbu, I'm so sorry your parents weren't there for you. I think it best you never ask them to babysit again I'm afraid to avoid having to deal with their hurtful attitudes again. I'm sure there are other people who would enjoy having your dc more than they do.

bettyboop1970 · 24/12/2014 00:59

Crickey OP your parents sound like selfish twats!
Hope you and DC's are better in time for Xmas.
Lots of posters polishing their halos on this thread, hope I'm not related to any of them!
Merry Xmas!

TooHasty · 24/12/2014 01:01

Every pisshead says they must have had a 'bad' pint (cos of course it wasn't the 12 good ones!) or a dodgy kebab.
Op doesn't get that her parents might have had plans of their own and sulks because her dad tells her off.

Sequinscheermeup · 24/12/2014 01:01

Momb I am afraid I disagree that the babysitting, childcare and cleaning I did from the age of 11 onwards to my early twenties doesn't count. It really does.

As for cutting off my only childcare. How could I leave them with people who show such resentment of them and have so little care for their mother and who think nothing of yelling aggressively at her in front of them? I wouldn't leave my children with them again if they came on blended knee begging me to.

OP posts:
Sequinscheermeup · 24/12/2014 01:03

toohasty it seems a bit pointless explaining anything to you so this is the last time I will reply to you. They didn't have plans and my Dad was yelling aggressively in my face. I am afraid you are quite wrong in your perception of what happened so I will leave it there.

OP posts:
cakedup · 24/12/2014 01:03

MomOfTwoGirls2 you think USER do you? So if you had gdc, and your dc picked them up later than the agreed time because they weren't well, you would actually look at your own dc and think USER? Your OWN dc??

(I'm not talking about if they were repeatedly doing it and were consistently being selfish. I'm talking about situations like the OP's)

MomOfTwoGirls2 · 24/12/2014 01:04

I read the thread. Summary, OP had waaaay to much to drink and collects her DC about 8 hours later than expected. Parents totally not impressed and ball her out of it once she turns up. She doesn't believe she deserves a bollicking, and throws back how much free babysitting she did for them over the years. So, what am I not comprehending ??