Is it me or my parents? Huge row.

[Sequinscheermeup]

Will try to keep this short. I went out at the weekend for the second time this year. I go out once or twice a year. This is because I am a lone parent and have no childcare. Its fine, I am used to it. So last weekend I asked my parents to look after my children so that I could go out. We went and stayed at their house. They are not the easiest people in the world but I make the effort and they do seem to love the children. I have two dc. My parents have probably looked after them about seven times in their lives, my eldest is 11.

Anyway I drank too much, far far too much and the next day I was simply not capable to drive. Every other time they have had them I am always back by 10 am the next morning, I have never been late. I cannot tell you how ill I was, I don't even know if it was just hang over because we ate out too and I am wondering if there was food poisoning involved too as it is not like me to be so ill. As I couldn't stand up without being sick my sister (who I had gone out with) called my parents and said can you hang onto the kids for a bit "Sequins" is really ill and she can't drive like that. She said my Mum was clearly annoyed. So I slept for a bit longer then phoned her and explained that I couldn't drive. She was clearly angry.

In the end I managed to get home in the evening, I probably still shouldn't have been driving. My parents were kept informed throughout. On arrival they were absolutely furious and started shouting and yelling at me about this. I am afraid I refused to accept the bollocking as I felt it was undeserved and pointed out to them how much free childcare they had had from me for my siblings over the years (big age gap and from the age of about 11 I babysat constantly, ALL childcare during school holidays etc) different times back then I suppose. I also pointed out that I had done this many times at night until the early hours etc. In fact they have never had to pay for a babysitter for their youngest children because I did it all and quite often their friends children too. I also pointed out to my Dad who was ranting about me being too drunk to drive that I had witnessed repeated incidents of him being drunk and hung over and how it had impacted on our family as we grew up. He then tried to throw me out, relented and let me stay because my children were in bed and told me to "get out first thing tomorrow and that is it between us, we are finished". They have form for falling out with people for years and years. The following morning I left after a few cross words with my Mum, who still thought they were totally in the right.

Anyway if you have got through all that, I am feeling terrible about it all today, just so sad, its Christmas and my dc heard some of it and it was made clear what an imposition it was to have been looking after them. I don't know whether it should be me extending the olive branch or not, not that I feel much like it right now. Thanks for reading

Solid has nailed it.

What pisses me off more is the fact that some posters will also choose to ignore what the op was about. I was asking about pnd. I've never had it before and asked if I could be suffering from it, it got completely ignored. Yet you see on here that yes you can enjoy a night out. Just get a babysitter. Not everyone can afford one hence why my mum babysits about once a year. Some people think these things are affordable things like cleaners.

Your posts seem to actually have 2 questions:
1. Were my parents unreasonable to yell at me because they ended up looking after my kids for an extra 12 hours because I was sick?

Unreasonable to yet at you? Very much. Unreasonable to be annoyed? No.

I understand you were sick but you haven't (from my quick skim) said anything about whether you tried another method to get your kids back to your house; why your sister couldn't go and get them, why they couldn't drop them off etc etc.

You also didn't mention whether you said anything to them like "I understand if you have other plans or don't want to keep them for me. Let me know if I need to try and organise something else or if you're okay with keeping them a little longer".

Basically they think you were drunk off your arse and abandoned your kids with flimsy excuses about being sick and didn't care about the imposition on them and instead just paid lip service. They think you're irresponsible and told you so.

They were unreasonable to yell at you like they did - and you're an adult, not a petulant child and even then it's patronizing. Lesson definitely learnt that you can't rely on them in an emergency.

2. Was I unreasonable to bring up something from 15 years ago as a defense to them yelling at me now?

Yes and no.

You turned you being sick and this one occasion into something WAY more than that. You basically told them they were shit parents and they need to "pay you back" for the 11 years of free baby sitting by looking after your kids once in a while.

You went from sorry for the imposition to "well it's the bloody least you could do" which totally destroys your "I was sick, it wasn't on purpose, it's not like you've had to do it before" etc etc excuse.

Your 11 years of baby sitting really isn't relevant to the reason for you being 12 hours late. What IS relevant is their hypocrisy with regards to drink driving and other such behaviours and yelling at you for those things.

I think you took it too far personally.

You cannot use your childhood as an excuse anytime they object to you doing something "well when i was a kid you did XYZ."

My mum was a single parent for my entire life, and went out more often than you when I was young. (Although not loads more!)

I didn't ever, ever resent it.

Most other parents get time off - even if it's just a couple of hours while their partner looks after the child, or the partner makes dinner, or puts them them to bed. But she never got a day off, never anyone to pick me up as a baby and woke at night, or when I was ill. She did everything for me, and deserved a few nights off - and obviously you do too.

You are a good parent - you made sure your children were safe while you had a break. You don't have to be 'on' all the time - surely having a break makes you a better parent as you get some downtime? Or at least never having a break doesn't make you a better parent, perhaps just a martyr.

You didn't mean to become ill, things happen and while I can understand your parents perhaps being a little miffed, they shouldn't have treated you like that.

Poor sequins
I hope your kids are ok and that you all have a lovely christmas.
Your dad was out of order.

The sort of pious wankers who believe motherhood is one long martyrdom are actually bad parents themselves, as they expect unending gratitude from their children as well as tons of attention and praise to fill up their own empty minds

Yes SGB!!

Sequins - hope the kids will be ok for Christmas, what a nightmare.

Actually I feel it's a shame you've had to keep saying it might have been a bug not the booze, only in that even if it was too much booze for ONE NIGHT in a year SO WHAT?

If ever there was a case of MN vs Real Life, it's this. I can think of dozens and dozens and dozens (so, like, a lot ) of different parents from different backgrounds - not one has decided not to go out ever since they had kids and not one would judge the OP, whether they drink or not.

Dixie that is a very good point. What about the lone parents who cannot drive? Are they allowed a glass of wine?

OP YADNBU. Your parents sound horrid. Being irritated would be fine, though i wouldn't be, but their reaction is so over the top. It sounds like they have been very happy to take advantage of you over the years and are being arses.

Just as an aside though, if enough anything over 4 small glasses of wine alcohol stays in my stomach overnight, i vomit and vomit and vomit the next day. The cure is to have an alker seltzer before you go out and one when you get in. Then I just get a normal dusty hangover like my drinking padres.

Just wanted to add my...

YANNNNNBU

Read the thread last night, OP, and just wanted to add my tuppence-worth before getting very busy today!

A lot of the acrimony on this thread seems to stem from people's perceptions of how much responsibility you bear for being late home - ie was it due to illness or seasonal overindulgence. In my view, this is almost completely irrelevant - whatever the reason for your incapacitation, your parents tipped themselves completely into the wrong with the extremity of their reaction. To shout violently in your face and try to throw you out in the middle of the night can't be justified in any way, and you are right to feel very upset, shocked and angry. A proportionate reaction would have been to have voiced annoyance, but quietly, and then forgiven you swiftly and moved on. Even if you were completely responsible for not being able to get home on time, this was a folly rather than a crime and absolutely doesn't warrant such blame and rejection.

I also think that your earlier contribution to your parents' life is relevant. It is quite natural to think about your general, long-term relationship with people after a serious
row, and it seems that in life-long terms, you have given to your parents just as much as received, and were justified in expecting a little slack.

I'm sorry this happened to you, OP - it would have been upsetting at any time of year but, just before Christmas, is particularly horrible.

bettercallsul spot on.

When I babysit m DGS so my own DD (who is a SP also) can have a night out, which admittedly is not very often as DD is on good terms with her ex and he does more than his fair share with DGS, I always state "I will have him until you have recovered enough to take him home". So whether that be lunchtime or 5pm makes no difference.

I remember only too well what it was like when I was still recovering from a night out having to get up at the crack of dawn to collect dc's, It wasn't pleasant! So don't expect my DD to do the same.
My own mother would get her knickers in a twist if they weren't collected as soon as we were awake and I used to think can you not let me wake up first and get my head together before going back into parent mode. We all need a break sometimes.

Yes I can understand a wee bit of annoyance if you were supposed to be there at 10am and they thought it was "just" a hangover but their reaction was totally OTT, especially as you only ask then twice a year at most.

But as it wasn't "just" a hangover, I hope that they realise now your dc's are ill that you were genuinely ill and weren't just taking the piss, that their reaction was completely unjustified and they were being arsey!

Hope you and your dc's get better soon and you can have a nice Christmas.

The sort of pious wankers who believe motherhood is one long martyrdom are actually bad parents themselves, as they expect unending gratitude from their children as well as tons of attention and praise to fill up their own empty minds

Absolutely SGB!

Future MIL's from hell also springs to mind!

Hope you and your little ones feel better soon and manage to have a very Happy Christmas.

What SGB said.

And even if you had been pissed and not ill - Jesus Christ, it was the first time ever.

I have lovely lovely parents who take my two every now and again to give us a break. The DCs love it, they love it, DH and I love it (because, being terrible irresponsible parents, we can get bladdered. Quick, someone call the Bad Mummy hotline!).

You'd have been U to get that drunk if you weren't ill (but surely the kind you'd apologise and be forgiven for, not cut off for two years), but they're joyless miserable buggers whose subsequent behaviour was far worse.

And everyone who's queued up to give you a good kicking because they think it makes their halo shinier are BU too.

Awake till four up again now (that's a knackered face) ds has not been sick since then though so fingers crossed.

Thanks for nice messages, was reading them in the early hours but too tired to reply. Dd has not been sick at all but still has tummy ache and doesn't want breakfast.

Obviously I feel a little vindicated by this but agree it's irrelevant whether or not is was alcohol or illness (I actually think it was both for me as ds has not been sick for as long or as significantly as I was). I've been thinking a lot and my only conclusion is my parents remain as out of order and as full of contempt and need to control as they've always been. The only thing that surprises me is quite how many people think as they do. It's really.

Poor you Sequins, hope today is better.

Although what's happened is awful, and once the dust is settled, maybe it will be a relief not having to deal with your parents for a while.

Whatever does happen, I hope you and your DC have a lovely Christmas :).

I'd also like to point out as well that they never had the nightmare teenager scenario with me, not once. Never rolled home drunk, was working full time and paying board as soon as left school etc. so yes this really was the first time ever that anything remotely like this has happened.

Thanks flippin hope you have a great Christmas too .

Only bonus from all this is the three pound weight loss! But I doubt I will be able to maintain that over Christmas. It's funny though I still can't face anything rich and it's five days on now.

sequin - honest, you don't need to justify. Whether you were ill or pissed or whatever, doesn't matter

I am honestly saddened by the responses of some of the people on this thread. I wouldn't like to know them in RL, I would feel to horribly judged and too afraid to step out of line!

Hope you all pick up soon.

Sequin, stop worry about it. They sound like the kind of people that do few favours but expect fawning and gratitude when they do, despite having had many many favours themselves.

Don't ever rely on them again for anything. Equally do them no favours anymore either.

Oh yes the perfect people are still here posting after not RTFT. It's a ONE OFF, don't you all get that? Who doesn't cut their grown up DCs a bit of slack sometime or other. Don't you all look at the bigger picture? If I was her Mum I would think, hey... Sequins really isn't doing a bad job bringing up my GC, I'm glad she was out with my other DD having a blast with some 'Me' time. Next time she asks me, I'll remind her of this, but for the moment it does not matter.

I am horrified by some of the comments on here - they are posting like Sequins has dumped the DC and run off to Ibiza for a week with some bad boy she's just met! I hope their DCs remain perfect for them because otherwise there's going to be some mighty fallouts in time to come.

My DC (not young) have, on occasion, done the odd stupid thoughtless thing that has been a but hurtful to me. I berate them soundly, then we hug, kiss and move on. Unconditional love is what it's all about because none of us get it right all the time.

Sequins if I were you, on principle I wouldn't be asking your parents to have your kids again. They'll be the losers.

Do hope you feel better soon.

You don't have to justify yourself to us. Hope you're better before tomorrow x

Yes for God's sake stop justifying woman

In fact I'm going to have a vodka shot for every time you say it was probably a tummy bug - I might make my kids have one too.

Merry Christmas - and I hope your mean-spirited, aggressive and selfish parents come down with the kids' lurgie!

hi sequins
everyone makes mistakes and not one bit surprising when you take so much responsibility all the time - i am a lone parent too. your parents could have been kind.
they sound selfish, aggressive and to some degree of you as a child, self-centered and using. don't apologise. take a bit of time to think about how your parents have affected you and only talk if they are calm and reasonable and adult. think about what you might want to say to them, or whether you want to say anything at all.
get your own emotional house in order before attempting/participating in talking with them - because it probably wouldn't be a constructive discussion and perhaps all you could hope for would be to say your bit - which you may already have done, and all you might want to say is that what you said at the time was reasonable and you don't feel the need to apologise for a mistake, which we do all make.
good luck sequins. and any ideas that you are not being fully responsible are just SILLY!!! xxx

Ooh! A drinking game! Like a drinking game!

Seriously, sequins, who cares what the wrong people on MN think! Have a lovely Christmas and don't let your parents babysit again x