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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

wibu to complain to sainsburys?

149 replies

Smoolett · 21/12/2014 14:07

I feel like I may have potentially cost someone their job and feel shit.
Me and my dd 10 months pop in to sainsburys fairly regularly. There is a woman who works on the tills who has been pretty over familiar with her the last few times we've been in ie tickling her and touching her. I'm sure there is nothing sinister or untoward but today she was trying to get a cuddle.
When I got home I sent a carefully worded email but I'm so worried now that this lady will get in trouble when I just don't want to be put on this position again.
Wibu?

OP posts:
Original poster
Smoolett · 21/12/2014 14:47

Fair enough. I'm not a confrontational person but I think your comments are fair. I just detest being put in positions like this where I am forced to be rude. My issue I suppose

OP posts:
HouseBaelish · 21/12/2014 14:51

I don't think you needed to be rude though? There's a difference between being assertive and being rude.

I don't understand what your issue is, but that doesn't mean it isn't "your baby, your way". You became unreasonable when you escalated to the store in manner of a complaint before speaking to her.

Smile
silveroldie2 · 21/12/2014 14:52

YABU, barking mad, completely over the top. What do you think will happen to your child because someone tickled her? Honestly get a fucking grip.

TidyDancer · 21/12/2014 14:53

Oh this makes me sad. I agree with the poster who said you had gone about this in a cowardly way. I doubt the lady will lose her job but this is a mountain out of a molehill scenario. I don't think her behaviour was wrong but even if you felt that it was, you dealt with it badly.

I don't think there's anything you can do to rectify this though, so I would maybe just chalk this one up and not complain again if something similar was to crop up in future.

Isthatwhatdemonsdo · 21/12/2014 14:57

She'll probably get a disciplinary. If they take your complaint seriously. Sainsburys are arse to work for.

saintlyjimjams · 21/12/2014 14:59

What did you say in your complaint? Providing you made it clear she was just trying to tickle your child & be friendly but you didn't like it it will be fine. If you made out she was behaving in a way anyone would find unreasonable (not just you) then you may need to follow up your complaint with an explanation.

GlitzAndGigglesx · 21/12/2014 14:59

You don't need to be rude about it. I've said a few times to employees in shops that my dd isn't comfortable being touched. It's never been awkward either. My dd tends to shy away anyway so they get the hint. The email was unnecessary and you probably exaggerated a bit to make it sound worse

Original poster
Smoolett · 21/12/2014 15:04

I didn't specifically name anyone saintly, I just said it was over familiar and that I didn't want to have to explain myself to staff as to why I don't want strangers cuddling her. I have no issues with people being friendly or touching hands etc but this was to familiar.

OP posts:
LIZS · 21/12/2014 15:09

:( For some people this is the only interaction they have, a friendly smile back costs nothing, you don't have to engage. I'm a bit surprised she could even reach your dd across the till and card machine to be that "over familiar" especially if she were in a trolley or pushchair. Agree with pp could you not just choose to use a different till ?

Hatespiders · 21/12/2014 15:10

I always believe in 'actually saying so at the time' in all situations where there's a problem. One can be assertive but not confrontational or rude. The sooner you say it the easier it is. Something firm but pleasant such as, "Please don't do that, I don't allow people to touch her." would have maybe surprised her (because it is rather over-protective on your part, but that's your right) but would have made your wishes clear immediately.

Chocolatefudgebrownieicecream · 21/12/2014 15:12

Mountain put if a molehill. Ridiculous. Why on earth didn't you just firmly say 'she doesn't like being touched'. Instead you make a ridiculous complaint which someone is paid to deal with and probably embarras and upset a lovely woman.

DeWee · 21/12/2014 15:15

I think you've been very rude and unpleasant about it. What did you hope came of sending the email? Two possibilities: 1. they dismiss you as pfb and do nothing. 2. they speak to the employee, which at best will make her feel that she has a black mark against her.

Personally I always thought that anyone distracting my dc at the till was great. I would regard it as great customer service.
Mind you, one of the bus drivers used to turn the bus off and hold dd1 while I got the buggy on when she was little, which I always though as being brilliantly helpful. Obviously somepoeple would have gone up in an angry puff of smoke. Sad

DaisyFlowerChain · 21/12/2014 15:23

What will you do when your PFB goes to school OP? Demand that no adult touches her or comforts her when ill or she has fallen.

She tickled your baby, she didn't try to steal her or harm her. Complete over reaction and I would be looking at why you reacted that way to something so simple.

CatsCantTwerk · 21/12/2014 15:24

How sad for the poor woman. I think what you have done is rude and quite nasty. All she was doing was being nice, she spoke and ticked your dd she didn't shout and slap her Hmm

Cauliflowersneeze1 · 21/12/2014 16:36

Well you are the one who will have to face her when you shop again

Wouldn't an " please don't touch her she doesn't like it " have worked ?

She was only trying to be friendly

Xenadog · 21/12/2014 17:05

Actually I agree with the OP. I used to be a customer service manager for Sainsbury's and if I'd received a complaint like this I would have spoken to the employee and explained that being overly familiar with customers' children is not appropriate and it can't be happening. It wouldn't go on their permanent record if it was a one off but actually there might even be a Number of complaints against this woman for similar incidents.

OP said the woman was trying to get a cuddle today (after previously touching and tickling the baby) which for me as a parent would definitely be a big no no. We encourage our children not to talk to strangers and this has to begin early on. If the woman had asked OP if it was ok to touch her child and then told no then that's fine but to just go in and treat the child as though you know it is not on at all.

If I had been the OP I would have gone to customer services and put a complaint in there and then and named her.

saintlyjimjams · 21/12/2014 17:10

If you didn't identify her in any way then I can't see how she can be disciplined. I doubt much will come of it - maybe they'll suggest staff ask before tickling a baby but if they have any sense that'll recognise that some parents welcome it.

FWIW I complained to Virgin when I saw a cashier being incredibly rude to a young man (customer) with learning disabilities & they did bugger all about it. I went out of my way to identify the cashier as well as she behaved in such an appalling way - but they just said I must be mistaken becayse all her best friends have learning disabilities Hmm (I kid you not).

PrincessOfThemyscira · 21/12/2014 17:14

Smoolett, is this a store on the South Coast? There is a similar over-friendly staff member in my local store. I've not complained, but do avoid the self-serve tills when she is there.

SorchaN · 21/12/2014 17:22

I disagree with most of the previous posters. I actually think it's very rude to touch someone else's baby without asking permission first. I love babies and I understand the urge to tickle and cuddle them, but I would never do so without checking first with the mother. Some mothers - especially first time mothers - are very protective of their babies, and get stressed if strangers touch them. Having said all that, I do think it might have been better to speak to the woman directly and just say politely that you don't really like strangers touching your baby. There will be others who want to tickle or cuddle your child, so it's a good idea to get used to setting boundaries that you're comfortable with.

Fairyfellowsmasterstroke · 21/12/2014 17:25

Wow - you have behaved totally unreasonably.

If you don't like someone touching your child then be upfront and honest about it.

A simple "I hope you don't mind but I'd rather you didn't touch my DC thank you" would have been far better than a complaint against a friendly shop worker.

fluffyraggies · 21/12/2014 17:32

I honestly cant picture what was going on. What was she doing/saying?

''Today she was trying to get a cuddle. ... the first time she did it before I realised ... Today I was trying to be polite and say oh she's tired she's not in the mood but she kept going til I walked away.''

How did she 'try for a cuddle'? Did she 'keep going' trying to pick your DD up? Or did she keep asking? If she was asking and you said no then you dealt with it right there IMO.

soverylucky · 21/12/2014 17:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Trills · 21/12/2014 17:37

YANBU - she needs someone "officially" to have a word with her about not touching customers or their children. Otherwise she'll just think that you are "being funny", but really she should not be doing it.

sugar21 · 21/12/2014 17:37

FFs get a life

fluffyraggies · 21/12/2014 17:45

'Shortest and Most To The Point Answer' Award goes to ...

sugar21