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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

wibu to complain to sainsburys?

149 replies

Smoolett · 21/12/2014 14:07

I feel like I may have potentially cost someone their job and feel shit.
Me and my dd 10 months pop in to sainsburys fairly regularly. There is a woman who works on the tills who has been pretty over familiar with her the last few times we've been in ie tickling her and touching her. I'm sure there is nothing sinister or untoward but today she was trying to get a cuddle.
When I got home I sent a carefully worded email but I'm so worried now that this lady will get in trouble when I just don't want to be put on this position again.
Wibu?

OP posts:

SoleSource · 21/12/2014 18:26

Tinks!!!!

buttercupbear · 21/12/2014 18:30

Get over yourself.

DragonRojo · 21/12/2014 18:32

YABVVU. You are going to be sending lots of complaint emails in the next few years. Better get a template

CatsCantTwerk · 21/12/2014 18:32

Only on Mumsnet have I ever come across this 'don't touch my child' attitude.

buttercupbear · 21/12/2014 18:34

I would never ever go to anywhere in the Mediterranean op. You'd end up on your laptop all fucking night.

Moresproutsplease · 21/12/2014 18:36

Does your baby like the attention this woman gives her? Mine would have loved it and it would have given me time to sort out my shopping, win win really. But if she actually does hate it you would be justified in telling the woman to stop.

Original poster

Smoolett · 21/12/2014 18:36

The reason I didn't go to customer services was because I didn't want to embarrass her in front of her colleagues. I haven't named her directly but she was extremely persistent in to take her off me. Yes she is my pfb but I don't know this woman from Adam. All the scenarios that have been mentioned in this thread would be times where I know the person or offering comfort to my upset child which I have no objection to. What I don't want is to teach her that its ok to be touched or cuddled when you don't want it or don't know the person.
I really feel quite strongly about it but I'm bot personally angry with the lady but I do feel I should be able to buy a bottle of milk without trying to fend off a stranger trying to take my dd. The way she was with my daughter was the way id expect members of my family to be ie touching tickling and cuddling. Not some random wife in the supermarket. Obviously I'm being unreasonable to object at least this way she wont be singled out but she will get the message none the less. I didn't want to hurt her feelings.

OP posts:

londonrach · 21/12/2014 18:37

Also avoid your local italian op!

HouseBaelish · 21/12/2014 18:39

Christ if someone had entertained my baby at the checkout whilst I packed/paid I have probably cuddled her.

adsy · 21/12/2014 18:39

should be able to buy a bottle of milk without trying to fend off a stranger trying to take my dd
Aah, you see I missed the bit where you said she tried to abduct your dd. Now I understand your reaction.
All along I thought she was just being friendly. hope you're not in the police station too long giving evidence about the abduction attempt

CatsCantTwerk · 21/12/2014 18:41

What I don't want is to teach her that its ok to be touched or cuddled when you don't want it or don't know the person

I might have missed it earlier but did your dd object? Or did she not mind?

Tinks42 · 21/12/2014 18:41

Right, now im sort of getting it OP. (hoping you're not being precious)

A question here, do you think that the person you are talking about may have special needs?

adsy · 21/12/2014 18:42

But you have obviously indentified her in your email otherwise you wouldn't be feeling shit that you might cost her her job as you said in your OP

adsy · 21/12/2014 18:43

I don't think it's the poor lady at sainsburys with the special needs...

CatsCantTwerk · 21/12/2014 18:45

Tinks42 you are more offensive than the op!

DontWorrryBaldrickHasACunningP · 21/12/2014 18:45

YANBU.

Why do people assume they have the right to touch a child just because it's a child. You wouldn't go up to an adult and touch them why do it to a baby?

Babies are not public property, yes they are lovely but they aren't there for public entertainment there not puppies or toys they are people and have the right not to be mauled by strangers.

I think it is actually really rude and inappropriate to touch anyone baby child or adult unless you are 100% sure it will be well received.

You also said I OP she was trying to get a cuddle so presumably must of been trying to pick your DD up only way of cuddling a 10 month old I can think of. If this is the case she was unprofessional I used to work in restaurants and I would never of done anything like that.

Tinks42 · 21/12/2014 18:46

Im just asking due to the OP insisting that it wasnt appropriate behaviour and asking whether the employee had a disability.

TheMD · 21/12/2014 18:47

Smoolett - I can't believe the near enough unanimous yabu on this thread! I don't have children yet but would definitely want to teach her that its ok to be touched or cuddled when you don't want it or don't know the person when I have them.

You're not being unreasonable for not allowing random strangers to touch your child. However, it might have been better to just say so to the staff member at the time, definitely.

Tinks42 · 21/12/2014 18:48

get over yourself cats (precious kitten)

StackladysMorphicResonator · 21/12/2014 18:50

I reckon Sainsbury's will think you're bonkers. Why on earth didn't you mention to the woman that you're uncomfortable with it? It's really cowardly to write to her employer if you're too chicken to say clearly "please don't touch my child" to her face.

Tinks42 · 21/12/2014 18:51

Why do people assume they have the right to touch a child just because it's a child. You wouldn't go up to an adult and touch them why do it to a baby?

Bloody hell, im totally English but this is so damn precious its bordering on pathetic.

francesdrake · 21/12/2014 18:52

I don't think anyone is saying that it's unreasonable not to allow a stranger to give your baby tickles and cuddles if you don't want them to. But if you don't SAY SOMETHING then how are they supposed to know it's unwelcome attention, when some parents think it's a lovely compliment, and some think it's presumptuous and intrusive?

What's unreasonable is the way you handled it. What do you think's going to be more 'hurtful' for this woman? Having a stranger grit her teeth, smile poiltely and say, 'Please don't do that,' so she learns she should ask first, or being called into her manager's office in front of her all her colleagues, and told someone was so upset by her unwittingly offensive actions that she sat down and wrote an email of complaint? Over Christmas?

I feel a bit sorry for her. It's like now we've got the internet, we don't need to deal with any awkward personal interactions, when we can smile at the time, then go home and write a stinky email/Tripadvisor review/tweet, etc.

DontWorrryBaldrickHasACunningP · 21/12/2014 18:52

Why Tinks?

queenofthepirates · 21/12/2014 18:57

I own a small shop and our store policy is to offer to look after small children whilst parents go shopping (in the shop, not down the road for cake and coffee). Obviously we ask first but I'm yet to have anyone say no, in fact they trip off upstairs whilst we get out the colouring pens/bells and whistles. It's just being friendly and hey hoo.... the customer tends to buy more when junior's not wrapped around their legs.

Tinks42 · 21/12/2014 18:58

Why what? To go over and tickle a baby is in my book, rather fine. I remember when my son was little and people were down right awful and ignored him. Now people are moaning about a bit of interaction. Very bizarre.

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