Awkward christmas family shite...AIBU?

[Aintnobodygottimeforbronchitis]

AIBU to tell my Sister that we are not doing christmas dinner at six p.m. To accommodate her BIL?
Basically my kids have to wait all day for Christmas Day to begin just so that we can wait for her DH's brother to arrive in the UK from Australia. (Who we've only met once before).
Wtf am I going to do? Do I tell her no we are not sacrificing our entire Christmas Day and we will do our own lunch or do I let her know that she IBU and ask if she will compromise somehow? AIBU?

To me, the whole point of Christmas is spending it with the people you love. Nothing is set in stone. For over 50 years I've always had the meal at around 1 o'clock. This year it will be around tea time because my DM is in hospital so I will be spending the morning there and won't start the turkey until I get home.

Is the day "ruined"? No, of course not. It will be sad because it is probably the last Christmas my mum will have, but that makes it more special.

This guy is coming all the way to Australia and you are so inflexible you can't move the time of the meal. You don't sound very welcoming so maybe you should stay at home instead of ruining the day for everyone else with your attitude.

yabu personally I really dislike eating early on Christmas day because mega long evening is boring. just eat less, problem solved

It sounds like you have got overly stressed about christmas being right, and in you mind you have an order on which things have to happen. We all do this, we invest so much into christmas being perfect that we can't accept any changes that need to be made to our plan.

Your sister is in an impossible situation here and she is being backed into a corner. At some point in the next two days she will be forced to make a choice that will really piss someone off.

You now have a choice, have dinner a few hours later, you can then really enjoy the lazy morning opening presents and playing with your children. Or dig your heels in and make your sister chose between her two families.

You sound like a spoilt child either go and do things her way or don't I really don't see the issue other than you maybe feeling left out that your not the main priority this year and some 'stranger' is. Your rude and entitled and I wouldn't have you at my table for love nor money

Paperlace - "the wtf am I going to do?" and the utter bollocks about not being able to start Christmas Day until 6pm comments does make the OP sound pretty awful and selfish. It's turkey and veg - she isn't expected to tell her children that Christmas is cancelled. It's a time for family, not the time for building rifts that will last all year.

Maybe I'm not so precious as I have to arrange Christmas around DH most years, but to be honest it sounds to me like she wants an argument and to spoil the day.

Is BIL making a surprise, last minute trip? Why haven't you discussed before now?!

It's your language that's a bit out of order. Fine you don't want to wait until the evening for Xmas dinner but it's hardly sacrificing the day - makes you sound spoilt.

I would have a chat with your sister and say could you have xmas lunch at lunchtime then perhaps have an nice Xmas buffet in the evening with the desserts - you could do the buffet

Interesting op how you focus on the Australia as a stranger...he is the host's brother, you are the hosts's sister....he is no more a stranger than you are. Get a bit of generosity in your heart, relax and try to enjoy the day. Eating a 6pm is pretty normal most days isn't it? Why the fuss...kids don't care about Christmas dinner...most have gorged on sweets all day....a few crackers and they're happy. I really think you've got yourself in a tiz over nothing.

I'm surprised this has only become an issue at this late stage. Surely the BIL's visit and arrival time have been known about for ages? So the logistics could have been discussed weeks ago?

As PPs have said, a low key Christmas Day and then do your joint Christmas Day on Boxing Day instead. That's the compromise, working around a member of her family who is coming to visit from the other side of the world.

X-posted PrincessOfChina!

Sorry, when I first read your post I thought you were hosting and I was going to say YANBU but you aren't hosting so YABU. I would ask your sister what her plans are if BIL's flight is delayed. How old are your children?

And what if he's served a Christmas dinner on the plane? He might not fancy eating two Christmas dinners in one day!

Timing of meal v flying across globe?

Flying across globe wins

YABU

What's more important to you on Christmas Day? Eating at lunchtime, or being with your family?

Decide, and act accordingly.

I can see your POV, personally. Your SIL has arranged that you all bring certain dishes, so some cooking is required of you. fair enough. However, if you eat that late in the day, what does she propose you do for lunch? Is it just nibbles all day long? Or are you expected to go home at lunch time and cook something for them yourself? In which case you then have to do a second lot of cooking on Christmas day, which is not really fair, I certainly only want to cook the main meal, then leftovers later so that I can relax. So if that is the problem then I can see your point.

Just both do your own thing. I get why you don't want to eat that late but I also get why she does. In sone ways it could be seen to be in the Christmas spirit to do it their way this year but as.others have pointed out, with customs and delays it may be more.practical earlier.

Someone will be unhappy one way or other so both do your own and meet up for drinks only.

Is this a sudden change not discussed before

YANBU if Christmas is only about you and your DC and the rest of the family agree that only your/their needs and wants should be considered and then catered to.

YABVU if Christmas is also about other people.

You are best to just to stay at home, where you can make your own meal and eat it at the time you deem suitable and where you can have everything exactly the way you want it without having to consider anyone else.

Just be prepared for the rest of the family to be talking about how selfish, self-centred and inflexible you are. They might already be doing this, of course.

It is one meal. Just one meal. it is only a big deal if you make it one. If you do make a big deal over it, you are risking ruining Christmas for everybody and potentially causing a family rift. Is one meal really so important that you cannot compromise to accommodate your BILs brother?

Ooh I'm sure you can have something light but nice for lunch. Soup with nice rolls? Pancakes? Bacon rolls? Pasta? What do you all like? Do a nice lunch then watch a Christmas movie then go round for dinner. 6 doesn't sound far too late. If flights are delayed you can find out beforehand. I'm sure there is info available on the web. Then decide accordingly what to do.

Are you just being troublesome for the sake of being troublesome? Your Christmas is not ruined. You are ruining it with your attitude.

This.

It also helps if you give more detail in the OP.

So you've accepted an invitation to your sister's house knowing there is a special guest from Australia. Just make your children a little party buffet lunch with crackers etc then enjoy the big meal at 6

Your kids will have lots of lovely time to play with new toys too. Lucy always came to soon for me, when there were new toys to play with, when I was small.

^aargh lunch not Lucy. Typo!

All this eating late in the day business is just silly - unless most people have their main meal at 5pm every day - what time do your kids normally eat?

You need to relax and just go along with things - there are plenty of options.

If you host next year you can have it whatever time you like.

And as to the person who said that after the plane Christmas dinner he wouldn't want anything. I am astounded but maybe they haven't tasted aeroplane food

It does seem rather late in the day to be concerned about what time Christmas dinner is served at SiL's house.

I'd be inclined to leave the arrangement as it is and play the day by ear.