Awkward christmas family shite...AIBU?

[Aintnobodygottimeforbronchitis]

AIBU to tell my Sister that we are not doing christmas dinner at six p.m. To accommodate her BIL?
Basically my kids have to wait all day for Christmas Day to begin just so that we can wait for her DH's brother to arrive in the UK from Australia. (Who we've only met once before).
Wtf am I going to do? Do I tell her no we are not sacrificing our entire Christmas Day and we will do our own lunch or do I let her know that she IBU and ask if she will compromise somehow? AIBU?

Yabu

He's probably got a cheaper flight landing on Xmas day. It would have been more expensive to arrive on Xmas eve.

Anyway, imagine this from the other side. Bil having to tell his brother that they won't wait for him to have dinner as sil-next-door wants to eat earlier even though she probably has her tea at about 6pm every other day of the year

I would imagine you'll be running in & out of each other's houses all day anyway, if you're sharing cooking & live next door! So don't see why you won't see family.

Ultimately it's her call as she's hosting - you can volunteer to do it next year & be secure in the knowledge that she can't argue with whatever YOU want to do, given you had to suck it up in '14...

On a practical basis, I'd feed the dc something reasonably substantial at their normal lunchtime, then they won't be ravenous. They can eat a bit of the evening dinner then wind down before bed.

Just do presents etc in your own way, & head over for dinner.

Just say it doesn't work for you with the kids, and pop in later on full of smiles. No problem.

Please say this is a reverse or a freakin' wind up...

Or - don't go at all. Because you won't be doing your sister and her family any favours by sitting there with a face on.

No I see exactly what you mean. What would normally be a big family daytime lunch now won't happen till at least 6pm. It could be later if his travel is delayed. You and the kids will just be hanging around all day.

I think if they want to do it this way you'll need to invent some new daytime Xmas things to do eg festive light lunch, games, Xmas dvds. Definitely don't wait presents, that would not be nice on the kids.

It's a long flight, wherever it stops to refuel/connect, so you should all know hours in advance if there will be a delay and change plans accordingly.

I can't see what all the fuss is about though.

Really don't see what the fuss is about.
The isnt ruined because food isn't on the table until 6.
What's wrong with that time anyway? Don't you eat around that time every day of the year?
Eat at 6, and you will have your feet up way before 8.
Don't want to go to bed still stuffed, erm don't over eat.

But we always eat at 6. Don't apend the entire
Morning in the kitchen so the kids
See more of us. Did it early once and never again

6pm is normal tea time isn't it? As long as the toys were opened earlier, rather then after tea, I can't see the problem

I would suggest that the meal is served at 6 and if he's late the meal is still served at 6 for the kids sake

Is the issue presents?

Just open them before you eat.

Problem solved.

Are you just being troublesome for the sake of being troublesome? Your Christmas is not ruined. You are ruining it with your attitude.

Do your own thing for most of the day. Open your own presents. If you want to, save the ones from your sister for the evening or not.

Have your own lunch. If you had promised to bring a dish or two, then just bring those for the evening meal at your sisters.

Host every year so then you can dictate your Christmas wishes.

I didn't think flights arrived so late on Christmas Day?!?

I would feed DCs at lunch time and then go over.

We're having ours on Boxing Day because my mum is working xmas day. Our meals have always been timed around her working, so we often had a 6pm xmas dinner when I was growing up (3pm when she wasn't working). It's not a big deal - you just alter everythung lunch to accommodate.

This year I'm going to do a buffet type thing on xmas day. (A nice one). The kids quite like that as they don't have to extract themselves from their new toys for hours on end.

YANBU.

He is unlikely to want to sit down to a huge dinner with a full house of people, some of whom he hardly knows, when he's just got off a plane from Australia anyway - he'll be knackered and just want a shower and a sleep.

BUT it's at her house. You can't tell her what to do in her own home, if she's invited you to eat with them. I think you should just cook your own lunch in your own home, and invite her at lunchtime. Then she can cook her meal at her house on Boxing Day, make it exactly like Christmas Day all over again if she wants to, and let the BIL enjoy that. On Christmas Day itself he'll probably want a turkey sandwich and an early night.

Or if she is really fine with cooking and eating at 6 then you can't expect her to change her plans to suit you. You either suck it up, or stay home and feed yourselves.

So this really is just about having a meal in the early evening rather than lunch time?

YABU - and why accept the invitation in the first place?

You are being unreasonable. And you sound really selfish.

If it really will ruin your Christmas to eat a few hours later then can't you just say to your sister that it won't work eating so late with your DCs so you'll do your own lunch at home and just pop in for drinks/pudding with the BIL later??

Although we find eating at tea time actually works better with small DC, we have loads of time to play with their new toys, put stuff together etc during the morning rather than being in kitchen...... And they're used to eating their main meal in the evening so eat better anyway!

Yabu - maybe you'd be better to spend christmas in your own house, you don't seem willing to accommodate anyone else's needs....you think you are the most important person here....is the Australian visitor getting too much attention and making you feel a bit unloved? Are you wanting to scream to them all "what about ME?"

Well I would hate to eat christmas dinner/lunch as late as 6pm, especially with young children, so I don't think the OP is BU in not wanting that, but she IS BU in expecting someone else to change their plans to suit her when she's eating at their house! the answer to this is easy - just stay at home and cook your own.

You sound pretty awful to be honest, I really don't understand the problem. You get up, open presents in the morning, spend a lovely day with your children and then head over to your sisters to eat at 6pm. What time do you usually eat? I really can't believe you are going to stay at home and sulk over this, while ruining everyone else's day in the process.

But then DH is an emergency service worker, we rearrange the day around him every year - it's what normal people do.

For God's sake - what is wrong with some posters? Do you get a buzz out of kicking someone like this?

Fine if you think she's making a song and dance out of this, but to call her selfish and 'awful'...

It's amazing how there is thread after thread after thread about Christmas traditions with people stating emphatically what they do and don't do at Christmas - everyone has entrenched ideas and what makes the perfect day - and that's fine.

OP I get why you don't want to eat at 6pm but as others have said there are loads of work arounds so don't say anything to sister and don't sweat this - feed kids/go about your normal Xmas day earlier, go round later and see it as a lovely extension of the day. If your kids or you don't eat much at your sister's, doesn't matter, no one will notice!

YABU to want to get SIL to change her plans in her own house, but you can do your own thing without involving SIL.

If having the Xmas meal as lunch is important to you, just cook and eat it at your own house. SIL has no more right to dictate what you do in your house than you do to dictate what she does in hers.

All that remains is to find an appropriate timeslot when neither household is eating to get together to exchange presents.

I agree with the pp saying that it is unlikely the Australian bil will want to jump off the plane to a full xmas dinner, and while I think you can gently suggest to your sister that this might not be good for bil, if she is adament I think it will be hard to push it without looking selfish. incidently how old are your children, i have some sympathy if very young as certainly when very little mine started to meltdown towards bed time.