...to hate and detest the words "What do you fancy for tea?"

[TheBooMonster]

I work weekends, the other 5 days of the week I decide on and arrange dinner for DH, DD and I, as a general rule dinner is mostly ready when DH gets home from work.

On the two days a week that I work is it really that unreasonable for me to expect him to make a decision about dinner and have it at least started or prepped? To come home at 8:30 at night (DD is always fed and in bed by this point) to the words "what do you fancy for tea" with the oven not even heated and DH at his computer fills me with rage, I invariably answer with either a take away (that he then goes on about us not being able to afford) or I don't know, unless he gives in to the take away (and I order it) this generally means we then continue to wait until I make some sort of decision about what we're going to eat.

For fucks sake, make a damned decision about dinner and get it cooked, I manage it 5 days in 7 and for the last 2 days I have single handedly cooked roast dinners, it's really not that hard!

Would it be that hard to answer him though, really?

Totally get where you're coming from OP. It's maddening.

Next time don't give him an out with the take away. Tell him you want a home cooked meal (specify what type of food) and bloody well let him make it.

Could you tell him in the morning so he knows what to cook? I do a menu plan for the week when I write the shopping list. (Not mega organised just skint it saves money to just buy what we need) Then he'd know what to cook and could have it on the go for when you get home. Or not if he really is just being crap.

Tell him the night before. "I thought we'd have the beef tomorrow. I'll be home by 7."

YANBU have you spoken to him about at least making a start on tea before you get home from work?

Meal planning might be a good idea, boring I know but no excuse for him to have not started preparing tea by the time you get home.

I'm right there with you OP.

YANBU.
He is a grown man in his own home. He should be capable of planning and cooking a meal on his own.

Omg...I have major rage about this same thing in our house. My usual response is that it's not a bloody restaurant and if you can't decide it's my choice or make your own. I am tetchy just writing about this.

I know exactly what you mean, and the decision making is as bad as cooking it sometimes. Perhaps in the morning say "you decide what to do for tea tonight, I'll be home at 8.30 so we can eat then"

Mind you there's always the risk you end up with beans on toast like my OH did when I suggested this.

Text him at midday and say you want steak and chips for tea, or whatever it is he can make.

My ex used to ask me this, the answer was always the same - anything I haven't cooked. He thought you have to fancy something, whereas I was prepared to eat whatever someone made and enjoy that.

I interpret "What do you fancy for tea?" as "I am too lazy and unimaginative to care about what we eat and was rather hoping you'd do it anyway".
Which is why I am eating cheese and crackers and dh is sulking.

Yes. The decision making is part of the work. Yanbu.

Have you spelled that out to him? Not only do I want you to cook, it is fair that you take full responsibility for the meals those days, which includes planning them and starting the prep at a reasonable time.

He sounds lazy or old fashioned. I can't understand why you can't talk to him and ask him to cook dinner and grow up.

That would infuriate me.

You need to agree what he's cooking in the morning and set your expectation that it will be ready for when you come home

Does he also do the same when you are doing the shopping/meal planning? Drives me crackers, just make some decisions please as I've chosen 12 out of 14 meals so could you at least think and decide on 2!!!!

YANBU.
My DP used to do most of the cooking but I wouldn't enjoy my evenings as he wouldn't start cooking til at least 9pm. I would be so hungry.
So now I do a plan of each day and cook more frequently. The plan has helped him start earlier when he's cooking

No! No! No! No! No! all you people who don't get it.

If op makes the decision about dinner, shops for it and cooks it 5 days a week then why DA FUCK should she also have to decide and "tell" dh what to cook on the other 2 days?

Op - I understand exactly what you are saying. Perhaps one day you should blow up in an utter rage at your dh when he does this?

If he's fed your dd, then why can't he feed you?

It's ridiculous.

Why can't he just make more of what your DD is having?

YANBU I am thinking about this. There's been times that my husband has rang me at work asking what's for tea... ODFO and open the bloody frigde!!!!!! And breathe.

fridge... pissed-off-ness has impacted my spelling

I get your rage OP, I work shifts and on the days I don't come home until 8.30pm I have to explain to DH what he has to cook, most times I've prepared a shepherds pie or stew the day before as it's easier than having to give him instruction!
What it is with these seemingly otherwise intelligent men

My ex would cook for himself if I and DD were delayed.

"thought you were eating out" he said.

I then took DD back out to the beefeater down the road.

He never learned.

I have recently signed over the weekend 'food' to my dh and kids. It's going pretty well I have to say, but I do sometimes have to ask on a Friday if they're organized for the weekend as I can tell no shopping or planning has been done.

I meal plan, shop, cook etc. the other 5 days of the week and we both work everyday.

Have you sat him down and told him how this is affecting you?

I think If I had made my feelings/needs clear and it still wasn't happening, I would just sort myself out for food and assume that everybody else was doing the same.

YANBU.