...to hate and detest the words "What do you fancy for tea?"

[TheBooMonster]

I work weekends, the other 5 days of the week I decide on and arrange dinner for DH, DD and I, as a general rule dinner is mostly ready when DH gets home from work.

On the two days a week that I work is it really that unreasonable for me to expect him to make a decision about dinner and have it at least started or prepped? To come home at 8:30 at night (DD is always fed and in bed by this point) to the words "what do you fancy for tea" with the oven not even heated and DH at his computer fills me with rage, I invariably answer with either a take away (that he then goes on about us not being able to afford) or I don't know, unless he gives in to the take away (and I order it) this generally means we then continue to wait until I make some sort of decision about what we're going to eat.

For fucks sake, make a damned decision about dinner and get it cooked, I manage it 5 days in 7 and for the last 2 days I have single handedly cooked roast dinners, it's really not that hard!

YANBU

He's an adult and needs to take some initiative

I'd be annoyed

For fucks sake, make a damned decision about dinner and get it cooked, I manage it 5 days in 7 and for the last 2 days I have single handedly cooked roast dinners, it's really not that hard!

What does he say when you say this to him?

Sounds bloody annoying op. And no yanbu.

You need to tell him what you want for dinner, with instructions on how to prepare it if he doesn't know how.

If you don't get in until 8:30pm you must be starved, so dinner must be served to you as soon as you arrive, or it should be ready and warm in the oven. Nothing better than coming home to a good smell, as I'm sure your hubby appreciates 5 nights a week!

Agree that arriving home at 6.30 to find no dinner, no decision on what for dinner and no vague preparations in progress is maddening.

DH doesn't seem to realise that if you don't start till 6.30 (when I get in) the boys won't be eating until at least 7 if not 7.30 and then not to bed until 8.30. He doesn't make that logical "we should eat at 6.30 therefore I need to start at 5.30" assumption because at 5.30 he and the boys aren't hungry. At 6.30 they are and it's a total surprise - every time - that the food doesn't magically appear then.

After a few tantrums heated conversations when I got home after a 10+h day to find I then had to cook if I wanted something healthy / not takeout / not covered in chemical breadcrumbs we have a new system.

We plan meals together at the weekend for the next week, based on other activities / work patterns / exercise nights. DH does the grocery shop. The night before one of us checks the plan and gets the relevant meat from the freezer. DH preps it in the day (or I send explicit instructions by text) and it's ready when we need to eat. The texted instructions are then saved on his phone for the next time we have that meal. Every couple of weeks I batch cook a tomato based sauce for the freezer so if the plan goes awry, it's 10 mins to defrost mince, brown off in pan, add frozen sauce portion for instant bolognaise. Win win all round - I have a meal ready when I get in, our diet is much healthier, DH is becoming a pretty decent cook and the boys are seeing that Daddy can cook dinner for Mummy just as well and as often as the other way around.

I always answer, "don't mind, as long as you are the dessert". I get wonderful meals cooked!

I am completely with Boo and Mintyy on this one.

Boo's DH is being a bit pathetic, and he's sending subtle, passive aggressive messages to Boo that he doesn't feel he should be in charge of cooking even when she is working, or that he doesn't enjoy taking responsibility for it on those two days. Well tough. It's not fair to come in at 8.30pm and to be made to feel like you you are inconveniencing someone by needing dinner. And if he doesn't start faffing around in the kitchen until she's even home then by the time it's in front of her it will be 9.30pm which is ridiculous.

Boo give him a list of things you like, or earmark some simple recipes that you know he can manage perfectly well to shop and cook for without Heston Blumenthal levels of dedication and skill, and tell him he needs to start planning ahead and to rotate them regularly. Or tell him to spend a couple of days batch cooking for the freezer and portioning up for days when no advance prep has happened. Or introduce him to the slow cooker.

In other words, tell him to think like you do, when it's your turn!

Sends me interstellar. Yanbu.

Thankfully it's rare in my house as DH does most of the cooking these days. Hilariously I am expected to shop with no meal plan

Get a white board and write the days of the week on it. Put meals next to those days. When either of you are shopping, get the things needed for the meals for the next 7-8 days.

Refer him to the white board before you go and when he asks what do you fancy, replay 'whatever you have made me dear'.

We usually have a discussion about what days each of us are in/out and plan the menu together. Then we both know what is occurring.

I feel your pain. My DH was supposed to take charge of cooking two days a week when I was working late but was useless and the DC were practically crying with hunger by the time he made something. He now does no cooking whatsoever and it totally annoys me but I also don't cook for him every day anymore after many rotten arguments about this and at weekends I'll make lunch for me and the kids or ask him to make lunch for the kids but I don't do it for him. I hate the everyday grind of thinking about and preparing food. My DH's attitude has caused me to lose respect for him in fact.