...to hate and detest the words "What do you fancy for tea?"

[TheBooMonster]

I work weekends, the other 5 days of the week I decide on and arrange dinner for DH, DD and I, as a general rule dinner is mostly ready when DH gets home from work.

On the two days a week that I work is it really that unreasonable for me to expect him to make a decision about dinner and have it at least started or prepped? To come home at 8:30 at night (DD is always fed and in bed by this point) to the words "what do you fancy for tea" with the oven not even heated and DH at his computer fills me with rage, I invariably answer with either a take away (that he then goes on about us not being able to afford) or I don't know, unless he gives in to the take away (and I order it) this generally means we then continue to wait until I make some sort of decision about what we're going to eat.

For fucks sake, make a damned decision about dinner and get it cooked, I manage it 5 days in 7 and for the last 2 days I have single handedly cooked roast dinners, it's really not that hard!

I echo tothesea. In our house we all five of us eat the same food. We don't cook separate meals. We sort have an evolving set of about 20 meals with and experiment once every month or two. If he has to feed the kids, he can feed you.

I did the ' you decide an cook it' thing once. I got a haddock. Just a haddock. No sides, no bread. A haddock.

Nameless

YANBU

It's Dinner, not Tea.

YANBU but this is just a man thing all over!!!

Agree that it's the decision making that is frustrating. Sometimes you just can't think of meals.

And their decision should take into account what had been eaten recently. So if we've had rice twice in the week, I don't want another rice based suggestion. I ensure that we have a variety of meals during the week. I will include a bung in the oven 'something and chips' sometimes but I really don't appreciate that being suggested every time it is DP's turn to pick.

Or the favourite 'just pick up a cooked chicken', as if that constitutes a whole meal for 5 adult portions.

RedSolo, my partner is female and spent several years being the only meal provider in the house (when single parent) so there is no excuse!

Arrghh YANBU. My DH and I both dislike choosing meals (because as pps have said, the decision-making is part of the work!) so we now divide meal-planning, as well as meal-cooking, equally - when it's my turn to shop he gives me his list of meals and ingredients and vice versa.

That said, I sometimes wonder whether he thinks his choices through. A week-day recipe that requires you to make your own passata? When the only food-blender we own is only large enough to blend a single tomato at a time?

If I even ask DH what he wants tomorrow (bearing in mind I do 100% shopping and meal planning) he says he can't even think about it yet so it's down to me abu, I've given up tbh.

If I wasn't getting home until 8:30pm though I would tell him to eat with the kids and make myself something quick when I got in (jacket / filled pasta / egg on toast), just easier.

For the 5 dinners you make, how/when do you get the ingredients. Do you meal plan? If you do one weekly shop, I imagine you would buy the ingredients in advance for your 5 dinners, in which case perhaps you and dh ought to get in the habit of including his ingredients for the dinners of his choice.

Dh and I work ft and we meal plan and do a weekly shop accordingly. Each meal is written into the calendar. It may lack spontaneity but takes the guesswork out of it.

I feel for you.

I know you want him to make a decision but just to start things off why don't you text him earlier in the day with "Could we have fish pie for dinner?" Then as you're setting off (depending on distance) say "I'll be home in an hour, looking forward to the fish pie."

My DH's been out of work for a month now and I'm pregnant so was thinking I'd be looking forward to housework done and dinner on the table. But I was coming home (earlier than you) to the same question or he'd have "just" eaten and I'd be too tired and end up having cereal or toast.
I spoke to him about it and he argued that he didn't know what I'd want or when I'd be home so I took to telling him earlier in the day (or leaving him a note) and then texting when I was on the bus.
-also for housework it seems that leaving a simple note of jobs to be done (even if they should be obvious) works well, although don't try to make it "fun" e.g. Xbox Achievements style. Apparently that's not fun, just annoying.

Next step is to get him to use a recipe rather than rely on ready meals or simple (pasta and sauce) meals. Eventually maybe he'll choose a balanced meal (not just meat with meat!), shop for the ingredients, cook it and wash up...

"whatever you decide is fine darling"

"If I wasn't getting home until 8:30pm though I would tell him to eat with the kids and make myself something quick when I got in (jacket / filled pasta / egg on toast), just easier."

But why?? Why would you do that? Why can't you expect your partner to cook for you occasionally?

Buy him a 30 minute (or quicker) meals recipe book. Take your pick from that. As quick as a take away but has the advantage of him getting used to cooking.

Maddening, yes. But so many ways to avoid it.

1. On Saturday, order an online delivery slot for 10am with the ingredients for twelve weeks worth of shepherds pies and lasagnes. He cooks and feels very virtuous afterwards for twelve weeks.
2. Buy the ingredients when you're buying other things and tell him what to do with it.

In an ideal world you wouldn't have to but many a good man is guilty of this. I'd say suck it up.

When the DC were younger I used to work on a Saturday. I would get the meat out to defrost in the morning and still DH could't decide what to cook. I'd be so hungry I would have eaten a scabby horse (as the saying goes). Even now if I am working late no one rings and offers to start the meal even if I suggest it (they have rung to say where am I and what's for tea they're hungry)

Jennybluewren are you saying that your unemployed partner would cook himself a meal and not prepare enough for his pregnant working wife? And not text you to see if you wanted any??

"In an ideal world you wouldn't have to but many a good man is guilty of this. I'd say suck it up."

Really? Why? Why not try to make the relationship a bit more harmonious and equal rather than just take on the extra chore.

OP- There is a whole book, called Wifework, on this topic. It's one example of a common problem.

Use one of these type of delivery services

www.gousto.co.uk/

www.hellofresh.co.uk/

YANBU, this is a huge bugbear of mine as well.

And yes, I would recommend Wifework as well, very enlightening reading!

And my otherwise wonderful, loving and supportive DH also often makes a meal just for himself on the one day that I don't cook.

Apparently it's because I'm veggie and he doesn't know what I eat. Anything without meat in it perhaps DH?

Sometimes I'll say 'oh i really fancy a...' and most of the time he'll make it, but for me once I've spent 4 hours traveling and 10 hours at work the last think I want to do is think about food, I want to get home, drink a glass of (alcohol free) wine and eat anything

This evening his parents had been over so they cooked for them, him and DD, and gave him instructions that he was to cook me something to be ready when I got home. His mum informed me of this and I openly laughed, saying yea, I'll get home to 'what do you fancy for tea' I wasn't sure whether to scream or laugh when that turned out to be the case... him mum probably would have chewed him out had he not been on the phone :/

I tend to go shopping as and when I get the inspiration for food, so I generally go every other day, sometimes we'll go a few days working through jars of pasta bake and sweet and sour chicken from the cupboard, but it's at least something hot on the table, and I'm not expecting him to create some sort of masterpiece with one hand whilst looking after DD with the other, I'd be more than happy to come home to pasta bake every saturday and sunday for the next two months... I'm genuinely not that hard to please!

It's perfectly reasonable to expect your DH to cook at the weekends if you've done it all week. I would just tell him that you don't mind what he cooks, its his decision, but please could he have it ready for when you get home as you're starving by then and don't want to then have to think about what to cook and then wait for it. I think he needs it spelt out to him. If you keep saying"takeaway" and then go off and rage he will never understand or realise.

Yabu! Just speak to oh tell him dinner on these days is his concern job done no need for posts on here!

I agree with the meal planning suggestion. I work full time now and my husband is a student, but it used to be the other way around. For the last few years since we had children, we've planned the week's meals on a Sunday, which only takes about ten minutes, then done a shopping list online for those meals, and whoever is at home - usually him - earliest on the relevant evening will cook the dinner.