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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

my mom praying for me

121 replies

Evelight · 20/12/2014 19:52

This is not new- best part of the past twenty years. My mom is religious, I am not. My mom routinely says she's praying for me, for the kids, for whoever. Whatevs. I never respond when she starts talking god at me.
Now ds has a minor corrective eye surgery scheduled. It is somewhat freaking me out. My mom, as is her habit, tells me not to worry, she is praying for him, everything is gonna be fine, etc etc.
This is annoying THE FUCK out of me. I feel like going out of my mind when she says this. It takes all my will power not to scream at her.
I've started talking to her less and less. Hopefully once the surgery is done and over with, I'll stop being so annoyed about this, and can go back to blanking her out when she starts talking about praying for ppl.

OP posts:
Alibabaandthe40nappies · 20/12/2014 19:54

Why does it annoy you? I have friends and relations who are religious and sometime mention that they are praying for me/us. It doesn't worry me, it is something that is important to them and to me what it means is that we/I are in their thoughts. Which is nice.

Sallygoroundthemoon · 20/12/2014 19:59

YABU. I tell people I'm praying for them sometimes and I'm an atheist. It's just saying your thoughts are with them and is quite kind I think.

joanne1947 · 20/12/2014 19:59

She is concerned for you. Prayer is one way she sees to help you. If you do not believe then I don't see how you can think it can do any harm.

Hatespiders · 20/12/2014 20:01

I happen to believe in prayer. But if you don't, just say nothing and ignore.
As Alibaba says, it's nice that she's holding you all in her heart.

JennyOnTheBlocks · 20/12/2014 20:01

my 'D'M prays for people, it's her way of not actually doing anything to help physically Hmm

if that's similar in your case, OP, YANBU, not at all

Summerisle1 · 20/12/2014 20:02

If praying is a source of comfort and helps your mother then I can't see why you should be so intolerant. Sure, her beliefs are different to yours. Get over it.

My MIL was a very devout Catholic. She regularly prayed to St. Teresa for all sorts of supportive reasons. Neither DH nor me had the same beliefs but we respected hers.

SorchaN · 20/12/2014 20:03

I wouldn't mind my mother praying for me, but it would REALLY annoy me if she told me that everything was going to be fine because of her prayers. I don't like being told things are going to be fine by people who can't possibly know. Having said that, the best response is often, "Thanks for your prayers and kind thoughts." If she wants to believe in a fictional character who is controlling the universe, there's almost certainly nothing you can do about it Sad.

scousadelic · 20/12/2014 20:04

Any kind and positive thought for you can only be good.

Do you think you are displacing your anxiousness into irritation with your mother?

TripTrapTripTrapOverTheBridge · 20/12/2014 20:05

What is the harm in it? YABU

JennyOnTheBlocks · 20/12/2014 20:06

kind and positive thoughts are difficult to deal with when you want someone to acknowledge how fucking scary life as an adult can be at times, though

but i'm projecting now, will wait for OP to return to thread

Lazymummy2014 · 20/12/2014 20:06

Next time she says she is praying for you, reply with "thank you - and have you also sacrificed a goat?".

I would be annoyed by this as well OP. I think in general it's a bit of a passive aggressive reminder that she is disappointed you are not religious. In the current situation I would feel like she is belittling your entirely reasonable anxiety about the surgery by claiming it will all be ok because of her prayers.

GingerbreadPudding · 20/12/2014 20:07

I'd agree with the poster who said praying is fine, but saying everything will be fine because they've prayed would drive me crazy. It's like she's dismissing your concerns and basically saying she doesn't want to hear you speak of them because she's 'sorted it.'

Why not say thank you for her thoughts but that, because you don't have the faith she does, that it would help you to be able to talk about your concerns.

My friend very kindly prays for me every now and again, I see it as the thing she believes will work and she's doing it for me which is lovely of her. But she still listens and talks with me and has never suggested that her prayers will ensure a good outcome.

OuchLegoHurts · 20/12/2014 20:08

It's passive aggressive to pray for someone?!? I've heard it all now.

SanityClause · 20/12/2014 20:10

I was bullied at school. I didn't bother telling my parents. I knew the solution would be that they would pray for me. Yay!

Don't know what to say to help, except I understand your feelings.

Flowers
northernlurker · 20/12/2014 20:11

She's not belittling your concerns, she's trying to reassure you. Your mother has faith and she prays. Deal with that. Why should she keep quiet about her beliefs because you think your belief - that hers are absurd - is more important?
You want to scream at her because of this? Get a grip! There may be things wrong with your relationship, she may be a lousy mother, you may be a very intolerant and impatient daughter but none of that has anything to do with her praying.

Hatespiders · 20/12/2014 20:12

Oh dear. Then I've been 'passive-aggressive' every night of my life, as I pray for about 15 mins, and so does my dh in his Muslim prayers.

Hedgehogsbuzz1 · 20/12/2014 20:16

I think you need to mentally change the word praying for the word thinking. She's thinking about you

zaracharlotte · 20/12/2014 20:17

It's a nice thing to do. You don't have to be grateful, but I wouldn't put her faith down.

divingoffthebalcony · 20/12/2014 20:19

I'm an atheist and I would be pissed off too. It's distespecting your (lack of) beliefs.

If you don't believe in God or prayer, then to be constantly being told you're being prayed for is bloody pointless. Especially when, as Jenny says, you could do with some more useful thoughts and/or actions.

TripTrapTripTrapOverTheBridge · 20/12/2014 20:19

How on earth is praying passive aggressive?She has faith so naturally uses her faith to help,because she believes!It's not a dig that the op doesn't have faith.Where on earth do people get these ideas?

As for thinking it's belittling anxiety to say it will all be fine...ever heard of reassurance?She's trying to make the op feel better/more positive,not belittling her feelings!

The mind really does boggle sometimesHmm

greenfolder · 20/12/2014 20:19

seriously- i am an utter atheist- have never had any faith at all. i have no issue at all with other people praying for me and mine, its their faith.

do you think your mum mentioning it is an implied criticism of your lack of faith? if it is then yanbu

TripTrapTripTrapOverTheBridge · 20/12/2014 20:21

Really Diving ? It's disrespectful for someone to be thinking of you and your child and doing something they believe will help?

How bizarre

divingoffthebalcony · 20/12/2014 20:24

When you're a Massive Atheist, yes.

Praying isn't just thinking of someone, is it? It's a very loaded word. It is imposing religion on someone with no faith. Because if you were merely "thinking of someone", that's how you would word it.

TripTrapTripTrapOverTheBridge · 20/12/2014 20:27

Get a grip.It's not imposing anything on anyone.It's somebody with faith doing something they think is helpful.

It's hardly going to hurt you,is it. Absolutely bonkers!

divingoffthebalcony · 20/12/2014 20:30

Already have an excellent grip, thanks.