Our new neighbours are possibly some of the kindest people I've ever met!

[listsandbudgets]

I had to take DS to A&E with an obvious case of bronchilitis at lunch time. I didn't want to take DD 9 unless I had to (she started school holidays on Friday). My friends who'd normally sit with her if necessary was't answering so I tried my neighbours. Neighbour 1 was out. Tried neighbour 2 who moved in relatively recently - elderly couple with lots of grandchildren in and out and was overwhelmed by response when I explained the situation.

She said she was baking and DD could come in with her to help and then eat. He said he knew I didn't drive and insisted on driving us to the hospital. They phoned several times while I was at hospital telling me not to worry about time everything was fine.

DS spent a bit of time on oxygen and was discharged with antibiotics and instructions to come back in morning for chest x ray. He's sleeping now though very wheezy :(

Came home by taxi half an hour ago to find DD had watched a film, been given supper, bath and spare pyjamas belonging to a grandchild and was tucked up in their spare room with a cat on her feet. They said to leave her until morning and they'd pop her back but she woke up when she heard my voice and came home giving them both a great big hug.

Utterly completely overwhelmed by their kindness. How on earth can I ever repay that they hardly know me for goodness sake.

This thread has taken me back and made me really miss the older couple who lived next door to us when I was a young child. They were like another set of grandparents to me and my sister and were very helpful in terms of ad hoc childcare and keeping an eye out for us kids when mum and dad were working or otherwise needed that extra bit of support.

As we got older and they in turn needed more support we made sure that they had it, driving them to appointments, visiting in hospital, cooking meals for them, helping with the shopping etc etc.

It was a wonderful connection that started from nothing. We didn't know them from Adam when we moved in and I hate to think that we would all have missed out on such great friendship, community and support if we weren't willing to take a chance and get to know each other in the first place.

I'm sure they love your company and would like to be friends. for both of you!

sometimes i dont know why we bother with dbs checks and the like, seeing as we are all humans sharing our common humanity etc etc

Shall we just start doing dbs checks on any person who might cross our children's paths any time then san? Should I dbs check my mum before she can look after my dd? Or my FIL's partner before I let dd go in the kitchen with her? Maybe I should dbs check the woman who measures dd's shoes in Clarks, or the mum who's invited her to a playdate (and by extension I'd need to dbs check anyone who might be in or come to that home during said playdate).

A dbs check doesn't tell you that someone isn't a paedophile anyway. It only tells you they've never been caught.

Parental judgement has to come into it. Every day we have to make decisions about our children's safety without the aid of a legal piece of paper that's out of date from the moment it's printed. And in this situation, the op made a perfectly sensible and reasoned judgement.

And it's unlikely that OP's neighbours moved there in the hope that one day this situation would arise in the same way that a paedophile would deliberately get a job with access to children.

Doing DBS checks on people who put themselves forward to look after children = sensible.

Requiring DBS checks on anyone who ever looks after your children as a favour = fucking bonkers.

HTH

zoe no my world deffinatly isnt a threatening place, lovley countryside village everyones friendly, im just not stupid

just commenting on daisychains lovely rosy view of the world

as i said before, nuts to leave your child with 'new' neighbour you just 'met' but as the op had met and talked with them before, different situation

as has been said lots on this thread though, its mostly friends/family who abuse, as the average 'gut instinct' is obviously not that great and it turns out abusers look like everyone else

if you would like to check the background of family/new partners/people caring for your children, you are able to do so: 'sarahs law' and 'clares law' btw

GooseyLoosey what an awful situation, and what an awful decision to have to make!

I would have to go with my ds and ask someone on the ground to bring my dd to wherever.

What did you do?

Goosey I think I would ask the police to bring DD to the hospital where you could get someone to meet you and look after her, whilst you went in the helicopter. They are normally very good and at least you would know she'd be safe and looked after.

What did you do? Very difficult to make a decision under that much pressure. I'm sure whatever you decided was the right thing in the circumstances.

Goosey, what did you do?

I think it would depend on the state each child was in. If ds was comatose, and the paramedics were going to be very busy trying to stabilise him, then I would be likely to be more in the way, and dd more likely to be hysterical and harder to reassure.

If ds had broken bones, breathing issues and was distressed but stable, then I would be more able to reassure dd that ds would be fine and she would be OK with these nice policemen who would bring her to meet us at the hospital.

sanfairyanne I have mainly commented on this thread in the context of the situation described by the OP.

I know that bad, evil things happen to people who don't deserve it, but if the default will always be to think about everyone we encounter in the negative, it could remove many moments of joy such as was originally described in this thread.

I guess if we distrust everyone by default, then I do think its a sad world, and yes I don't apologise for trying to find common ground with people.

I am very fortunate never to have encountered abusive people and there are many posters on here who have experiences that would negate my "rosey view". The more I learn, the more I feel genuinely sad and helpless not to help. It does get to me (and us all, I guess?), so when I read about helpful well-intentioned acts of selflessness it gives hope there is good out there.

And its important for a myriad of experiences to be shared on here, so we can see the world is neither "all bad" or "all perfect".

Actually sobbing (pregnancy hormones!), that's just lovely

DBS/CRB checks etc are a snapshot in time, the person can go out and commit a crime/abuse offense 5 mins after the check has been published and it won't show up. So I question their value - their use in protecting vulnerable people is severely limited.

My FIL used to work for a fhildrenchildren's charityscharity that used volunteers. He says that every year when vetting new volunteers, people would be turned down because they had a dodgy CRB. So CRB/DBS checks can and do protect children.

she needed someone to watch her kid in an emergency. Really no need to make the Op feel like spme sort of shitty parent. Is paranoia really the norm now??

she needed someone to watch her kid in an emergency. Really no need to make the Op feel like spme sort of shitty parent. Is paranoia really the norm now??

It is for some people, yes. Those people usually have very good reasons for feeling this way and it's not easy to just get over it and stop being paranoid. I know I've tried to get over it, really I have but I accept now it is something I will have to deal with for the rest of my life.

I agree that people need to stop bashing the OP though. She did her best in this situation and everything turned out fine in the end.

And I've just realised this thread was last posted on three days ago .

This is what happens when I log out for a few days and then check I'm On...