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AIBU?

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Original poster

Our new neighbours are possibly some of the kindest people I've ever met!

219 replies

listsandbudgets · 15/12/2014 21:35

I had to take DS to A&E with an obvious case of bronchilitis at lunch time. I didn't want to take DD 9 unless I had to (she started school holidays on Friday). My friends who'd normally sit with her if necessary was't answering so I tried my neighbours. Neighbour 1 was out. Tried neighbour 2 who moved in relatively recently - elderly couple with lots of grandchildren in and out and was overwhelmed by response when I explained the situation.

She said she was baking and DD could come in with her to help and then eat. He said he knew I didn't drive and insisted on driving us to the hospital. They phoned several times while I was at hospital telling me not to worry about time everything was fine.

DS spent a bit of time on oxygen and was discharged with antibiotics and instructions to come back in morning for chest x ray. He's sleeping now though very wheezy :(

Came home by taxi half an hour ago to find DD had watched a film, been given supper, bath and spare pyjamas belonging to a grandchild and was tucked up in their spare room with a cat on her feet. They said to leave her until morning and they'd pop her back but she woke up when she heard my voice and came home giving them both a great big hug.

Utterly completely overwhelmed by their kindness. How on earth can I ever repay that they hardly know me for goodness sake.

OP posts:
TimelyNameChangey · 16/12/2014 00:24

It's not that anyone thinks she needed bathing. It's the level of comfort that's normally expected in order to bathe in someone else's home.

Where's your towel? What do you wear whilst you go back to the room your clothing is in?

Do you bring it with you? Will anyone want to use to loo if there's only one in the house?

All these things are hard for a child of 9 to deal with in someone else's house.

OP never said the woman was an "old lady" either. Being a grandparent isn't only for "old ladies. My neighbour's mum is a Gran and she's 40.

BrumMummy · 16/12/2014 00:26

Timely I don't think the OP actually said she'd "never spoken to them" did she? Or that they were "complete strangers"? Hmm

How old is your DD if she only has contact with guide leaders and teachers outside her own family?

ladymariner · 16/12/2014 00:28

Xmas Shock Xmas Shock Yawn Yawn

Bluetone · 16/12/2014 00:28

I personally wouldn't have left her. Not knowing how long I was going to be at hospital, I'd rather have had her with me and I'm sure mine would have hated being left indefinitely.

Glad it worked out though.

Tobyjugg · 16/12/2014 00:36

It's a very weird phenomenon and only one I've come across here.

Funnily enough I was thinking the same about the way some posters are raising the roof about the risk of leaving a child with so-called "strangers" and seeing something inherently weird in letting a 9 y o girl have a bath and borrow a pair of pyjamas. Only on MN.

Buttercupsanddaisys · 16/12/2014 00:50

...a cat on her feet....ahhhhSmile

And how thoughtful to phone you at the H.too.

Lovely, lovely peopleSmile

I hope that your little boy recovers well.

CheerfulYank · 16/12/2014 03:21

I think it was fine. Sometimes emergencies happen.

When I was a nursery teacher about ten years ago I took a three and four year old (brothers) home with me as their mother was not coping. I bathed them. It just seemed to be what you did with a child in the evening.

I have worked with children in some capacity since I was in my teens and the parents have all taken a leap of faith and trusted me. Sometimes you have to. I was so nervous leaving DS for his first sleepover; I didn't know the dad. But he had a wonderful time.

GettingFiggyWithIt · 16/12/2014 03:39

Lovely story OP...a homemade card from DD should do it. And maybe some cat treats for Xmas and a poinsetta if you want to push the boat out. They sound lovely.
Hope your DS makes a speedy recovery. Xxx

BumGravy · 16/12/2014 04:30

Firstly..... the reason your children are most at risk from family and friends is because those are the people that have access to them. If you're in the habit of palming them off onto complete strangers then you are significantly increase the risk of abuse.But it's not the risk of abuse that would stop me. I just think it's unfair on the child as much as anything. They're probably not paedos, but you don't know that they'll be nice to your DD, or will have enough patience to loom after her properly all day or that she'll be able to get food/drink/toilet when she needs to. It's such a weird thing to do IMO.
^ I agree strongly with this.

Erzsebet · 16/12/2014 05:00

I've been thinking about this because I'm not a granny but my DC are late teens and if my neighbour asked me to do this I probably would have done pretty much the same except for the bath bit. I probably would have offered a sleeping bag and settled her there but would have felt too intimate to offer a bath and for fear of putting myself and DH in a position where any sort of impropriety could even be suggested. But I would have done everything else. To make a probably worried child feel comfortable, distract her and if she could sleep to let her. I would have expected the parent to take her to her own bed though on arrival home, asleep or not. I like my own sleep too much to be worrying about someone else's child in my house overnight.
However I would never have left my DC in similar circumstances. They'd that've come to the A&E. With a book, some snacks and a drink. We'd have all had the day off school/work the next day to sleep/look after poorly child. I'm not very trusting.
Think the neighbours are very kind and you've been lucky to find good people. Wouldn't make a habit of it though or encourage DC to change the status of the relationship. They should remain as 'acquaintances' people we know but are not close with like mummy daddy and the trusted adults. The neighbours will probably be too busy to notice or to care. If I had done that favour I certainly would not expect to find the relationship status massively altered and the flowers and thankyou draw a line under it as an emergency one off type situation.

FishWithABicycle · 16/12/2014 05:21

Your neighbours are brilliant OP, don't let anyone make you feel bad for trusting them. Your instincts are fine.

I wish we had neighbours I could feel so positive about - if we ever had an emergency like this I know I couldn't call on any of ours, but you have struck gold there.

So sad that there are some posters trying to turn this positive story into something to criticise.

Hurr1cane · 16/12/2014 05:27

I've looked after someone else's child for hours before as well.

She'd had some sort of breakdown about her childs behaviour (SN) at one of our SN behaviour support groups.

I was just there to support other parents but the poor woman clearly reached her limit.

I ended up with the child for about 3 hours while the staff took her into another building to calm her down.

I didn't even think about the fact that I didn't know the child, I just knew another human being clearly needed help right now.

AlwaysDancing1234 · 16/12/2014 05:35

I think the OP made a judgement call in stressful circumstances.
For what it's worth my grandparents would have done exactly the same - dinner, offered bath (left her to it as she's 9) then given her spare PJ's and blankets for sleep on the sofa or in spare room. Nothing dodgy at all, just a 'grandparenty' thing to do.
We had to rush DD to hospital by ambulance when she was tiny as she stopped breathing, thank God parents were here but otherwise I would have asked neighbours to take care of DS, much less traumatising for him than seeing his baby sister being treated in Ambulance/A&E

sashh · 16/12/2014 05:44

OP

When they get up this morning they will be telling each other how nice and polite and delightful your dd is.

When they see/talk to their family friends they will be saying the same.

Hobby2014 · 16/12/2014 05:49

Why does MN have to get so nasty when people just have different opinions? It's ok to think different things! Each to their own and all that...

lisylisylou · 16/12/2014 05:50

Thats so lovely to hear it brings back memories for me. My daughter managed to chop the top of her thumb off in a door and there was blood everywhere, I quite literally dumped my son off at the neighbour and phoned my fil to go and get my son when my fil lived on the other side of town. My poor neighbour had to give my son over to my fil who was someone she had never met before. It was only while I was at the hospital it suddenly hit me I left my neighbour in this situation. I felt terrible but when you're in that kind of situation you just don't think. I'm sure your daughter had a lovely time and wow I would love neighbours like that!!

Rosa · 16/12/2014 05:59

Ofgs there are some really stupid comments on here. Your neighbours are wonderful they did what I hope all of us would do if found in the same siutation . They sound adorable and maybe start off with a Thank you picture and a packet of cat treats.
When your ds is better maybe you can invite them in for a cup of tea and get to know them better.
Hope your ds gets better soon.

EhricJinglingHisBallsOnHigh · 16/12/2014 06:08

I knew this thread would get hysterical
OP, you were not unreasonable to ask and they were very kind.

Tattiebogle · 16/12/2014 06:08

The lovely neighbour probably knew from being a granny that its not unusual for children to have a bath every night so she did what she would have done for her grandchildren.

I did the same once, dropped my son off at playgroup and saw one of the other mums almost on her knees with a virus. I took her baby home and kept her till her daddy collected her later in the day. Her toddler went into the session. I gave the baby a bath after she managed to poo all the way up her back.

As for how to pay the neighbours back/say thank you? I dont think you have to apart from 'paying it forward'. But somehow I think you would anyway :)

Chooseyourplayer · 16/12/2014 06:10

OP they sound lovely. We moved house last week but in our old house we had 3 sets of lovely older neighbours who we could call on in an emergency. They have watched one poorly dc whilst i dashed to school to collect another. They have driven me or my mil to the dc school to collect them when i was recovering from surgery. They would take in deliveries, water my plants, came to parties, they really were extended family. We helped to look after one when he became more unwell before he sadly died earlier this year. The others are coming to our house this weekend for Brew and mincepies.
I am sure a lovely friendship will develop. What else could you have done in the circumstances? I agree most people have good intentions and would offer a helping hand when required.

Buttercupsanddaisys · 16/12/2014 07:51

Me again. OP you've missed out one essential piece of information-what was your neighbour baking? Was it, by any chance, cake? Cake Xmas Grin

I moved here earlier this year. My first morning in my new place my doorbell rang at 8.30. It was a new next door neighbour. He asked if I wanted a cup of tea? He went away and returned with a tray on which there was a mug of tea, a sugar bowl, a milk jug and a biscuit barrel. He is 94, a recent widower, and one of the most helpful and courteous people I've met in a long time. Bloody heart that manSmile

londonrach · 16/12/2014 08:00

Sounds like lovely neighbours who are used to children. Feel abit sad for the mnters who see abuse rather than helpful neighbours. I never what to be like that, just see the bad that isnt there. Op box of choc and thank you picture or handmade card from your dd. also what was the neighbour cooking?

OddFodd · 16/12/2014 08:13

I can't believe people would rather leave a 9YO on her own in A&E than with neighbours.

I get nervous sitting in A&E - IME it's a pretty unpleasant place to hang about.

And the whole family taking the day off school/work to look after one sickly child is just bonkers

ladymariner · 16/12/2014 08:25

buttercups how lovely, that's brought a tear to my eye xxx

NewEraNewMindset · 16/12/2014 08:29

This is about the sixth thread I've clicked into this morning where people are posting quite normally and then a few pearl clutchers turn up and start spouting their nasty bile. It's so fucking depressing and predictable!!!

OP I hope you toddler has recovered now, sounds very scary.