To want to run away

[LostJennyWren]

Today is my 25th birthday, likely the last birthday I will ever have. I have recently been diagnosed with a rare cancer, and the prognosis is not good. I have a two year old daughter. Every time I look at her my heart breaks. She will never remember me.
Anyway, all of my family and friends want me to enjoy my birthday. My DH wants us to do something special as a family and pretend everything is normal. But I can't. AIBU to just want to check myself into a hotel room alone and spend the day crying? I can't cope anymore. Nothing helps.

Dear Jenny, like others, I think of you often. Hoping that you had a special day today with your wonderful little boy. xx

Thinking of you too. Happy Mother's Day xx

Jenny - my heart breaks for you. Just read your thread.

Not sure how you feel today but if early questions still stand what I would absolutely make for him would be his very own audiobook. He will love listening to your very own favourite childhood / teen novels in his mother's voice.

I keep checking this thread and hoping there is an update from you Jenny. I too hope you had a wonderful Mothers Day with your beautiful boy. Thinking of you. Xxxx

A cuddle with his mum will stay with him forever. I remember my mum cuddling me as if it were yesterday and not over 20 years ago. The memory of love and warmth is so powerful that it transcends time and comforts and soothes me even now.

Just wanted to let you know that my heart goes out to you and your family and that I think of you often. I wish nothing but positivity, peacefulness and love for you and those you hold dear.

Hello,

I'm still here just about. Spend a lot of time wishing I wasn't. Even looking at my son breaks my heart.

I did have a lovely Mother's day so thank you all for the well wishes.

I want to ask people for parenting advice/ insights for all the different stages of childhood that I can pass onto my partner. Do I need to start a new thread for this?

I hope people are still there for hand holding even though I have been rubbish at posting. Coming to terms with everything has been so hard I keep sticking my head in the sand and hoping it all goes away.

I guess a title asking for that specific help may draw different people in

so glad to hear from you, I think of you every day

I'm so sorry

I agree with others that you need to make a memory box/book or something she can turn to in later childhood.

What about setting her up an email address and emailing lots of stuff to it now - pictures, stories etc. give the details to your DH and ask him to carry on with it too xx

Just wanted to say I am thinking of you and will continue to think of you. Xxxx

Good to hear from you Jenny.

Don't know what others think but a thread asking for book recommendations for each stage might be an idea.

Maybe tell him that us mumsnetters are here to help when he needs it

hi Jenny,

What a great Mum you are. I woke up thinking about your request for advice on rearing your son, I think it's a very good one. How about asking people on mumsnet to give their insight as a parent but also from the experience gained in their job. I mean a gp could advise on the best course of action for his health, a dentist on how to protect his teeth, a primary school teacher on what to look out for at school, a preschool assistant could give tips on surviving preschool etc. musicians could tell you about playing their instrument, grannies, in-laws, wives, children what they would like to see/experience from/with your son. Eg. I've a degree in English and I love books. I could give you a heads up on how to encourage reading and what books to expose him to.

Thank you for finding the energy to post again, Jenny. I think of you and your family often.

Point your partner in our direction; let him know that we'll always be here for him. There is a wealth of help, advice and support here for anyone who needs it. (Maybe tell him to avoid AIBU for the sake of his nerves/sanity. )

Lots of hands to hold yours here. Keep hugging your beautiful little boy. We're here for you and your partner when you need us.

Hi Jenny

Please point your DH in the direction of MN - he will get so much support

If you do want to create an instruction manual for him, then I would probably work on dividing it up into baby/toddler/primary/pre-teen etc and make sure that the first bit of advice for each section is based on what your gut instinct is right now.

For example, what ever your thought on what is important should come first. Everyone else's wisdom can follow.

Let us know if you'd like us to post specific thought and insights on this thread.

Thinking of you pretty much every day x

Anyone know where best to start a new thread? I am collecting any interesting parenting articles, blogs and tidbits and then writing my thoughts on them and putting them in a folder. I suppose I'm asking for links to any interesting reading about raising happy, healthy children. :)

Why don't you just ask on this thread my lovely. This will get the most traffic. So glad to hear that you are still able to cuddle and have time with your little one. Please ask someone to film you on their phone giving him hugs. I promise that he will treasure it.
I think of you often xx

To start the ball rolling:
What advice would you like to give your little boy as he starts school? How did other mums encourage their little ones? What did they do to prepare? What books can they read together?
How about writing a letter to your son for when he starts, telling how you hope he will behave, how being kind to others and thinking of other people will help him make friends, how he should be proud of who he is etc etc.

What advice would you give, mums who have pre school/starter children? Then Jenny could use that as a Starting point.

Jenny, I am so sorry for what you are going through. It is my worst fear.

I lost a parent when I was young. Although it was over 20 years ago, I am lucky enough that I can still hear their laugh.

I only have a couple of photos but I would love to have more. The more photo's the better.
I also love to hear what their favourite things were. I loved being told that their favourite breed of dog was also one of mine.

What films do you love to watch that you would recommend to your child?

I love to listen to their favourite songs. You could make a CD of the songs that mean a lot to you. When your child is older it may mean the world to connect with you through the words in the song.

I wish you the best. Lots of love

Hi Jenny

I have been checking this thread regularly and been thinking of you....had a couple of ideas for you.

Write letters to be read/given to your son on momentous occasions in his life giving your own experiences and advice to him...occasions could be:

First day at school
First day at university
Driving test
Wedding day
First job

Also

Write a list of places you have travelled to or visited either in the UK or abroad that you enjoyed...you could describe what you saw, what you liked about the place, who you went with and maybe when he gets older he could visit those places and think about how his mum had also been there and therefore he would in someway share that experience with you.

I will post again if I think of anymore.

Sending you lots of love x

Hi Jenny

Continue this thread. People will keep coming.

And it is not always obvious, but these some 500+ posts capture this moment of your life in all reality. It may grow to 2000 or more, who knows. Your son will cherish these posts, and they will give him strength too one day. Probably in ways that other things may not. This is you today, expressing yourself in the here and now. You are saying that your love for him and DH is stronger than anything. And you are telling us why. Your DS will never need to wonder just how much you loved him.

It is wrong to be robbed of life. It is wrong at 70, 25 or 3. It is wrong that everybody, without exception, has only a limited time on this earth. That some people reading these MN posts today will not come home tomorrow. But all this life stuff still goes on. You created your son and he will go on. And that is one thing to be thankful for. These months will shape his life. Something tells me he will be stronger for it.

I am sorry I cannot be of any practical help. I imagine myself in your shoes. And I would get a quality leather bound notebook and just write, jot, draw, stick, made lots of notes about life, my life, life as I see it and all these kind of things, and links to this thread and of course I would print it off for DS to read. Its all about giving.

My thoughts are with you. I was going to do something else tonight, but I think I want to think of you instead.

Aroomwithoutaview thank you for your lovely words. They made me cry and for a few moments I was at peace with what is happening to me.

Anyone who has lost someone close to you who have young children, can I ask how you coped in the days after your loss? I want to give my husband some advice and comfort that he will be okay.

Can anyone tell I'm a complete control freak?

In other circumstances perhaps Jenny!! You just want things in place to help him and there is nothing wrong with that.

I have no advice on how to cope but am sure someone will be along soon

Well, for one thing he and your son will get closer. Not in the immediate days, because that will bring numbness and other emotions. But eventually, they will get closer, and the dark days will disappear. And they will remember in time all of the good things. That is probably what he needs to feel now.
There are some posts elsewhere on MN of husbands with children who have lost a wife and mother. They may be worth a search if they give you strength and peace.

Sorry, I should have said daughter. I don't know where I got son from. Sorry

Anyone who has lost someone close to you who have young children, can I ask how you coped in the days after your loss? I want to give my husband some advice and comfort that he will be okay.

Your husband might want to read this article from the Guardian. It's about a young dad whose wife was killed in a car accident when their son was only 2. He talks about how he and his son coped, how his son reacted in the early days and how they are doing 18 months later. The dad also blogged about his experiences.
It might be good to know that other people go through terrible experiences that shouldn't happen, but that they come through them.

www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2014/may/03/young-widowers-tale-continued-benjamin-brooks-dutton

cariadlet thank you for this. This is the kind of thing I spend hours trawling the internet for.
I'm having a good day so trying to get as much stuff done as possible.