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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

To want to run away

689 replies

LostJennyWren · 15/12/2014 10:15

Today is my 25th birthday, likely the last birthday I will ever have. I have recently been diagnosed with a rare cancer, and the prognosis is not good. I have a two year old daughter. Every time I look at her my heart breaks. She will never remember me.
Anyway, all of my family and friends want me to enjoy my birthday. My DH wants us to do something special as a family and pretend everything is normal. But I can't. AIBU to just want to check myself into a hotel room alone and spend the day crying? I can't cope anymore. Nothing helps.

OP posts:
QOD · 13/02/2015 21:51

Hi Jenny,
life has a way of thumping us doesn't it?
How are you feeling ? Have you seen the specialist again?.how's your appetite?
I think.of you every day

rainbowflight · 14/02/2015 00:24

OP, I'm sorry about what you've been going through, but forgive me, I'm a little confused, you talk about having a daughter in your OP and subsequent posts, but in the more recent ones you are referring to a son?

Crumbelina · 14/02/2015 00:50

Rainbow, she said DD initially to protect her identity, but HQ questioned this based on previous posting history. She has a DS.

Jenny, I'm still thinking of you and your family (every day). Sending you lots of love.

HoundoftheBaskervilles · 14/02/2015 01:30

Jenny, I've been lurking, it's too, too unfair, it makes no sense. I think the one thing we can agree on is, life is terminal, none of us gets out of here alive, not one of the people who've spoken to you on this thread will be here in a hundred years. Not one. There may be people that have spoken to you here that have died before the end of this thread.

Who knows?

The tragedy is that you know and you are young and you have your son.

But he mitigates any tragedy simply by being, he will continue, he will endure. And his children will endure.

I often think about dying and how I cannot bear the thought of not seeing my children, not knowing what becomes of them, and then I think about living & watching my children grow old, their sweet little bodies and minds wither and take the world on, no longer the small people I knew, but adults with all the scars borne of being.

Jenny, you are here, you will have been here. No more or less than anyone who lived a hundred years.

rumbelina · 14/02/2015 06:41

Jenny you will live on in the hearts and memories of people who love (and will continue to love) you. Leave photos/videos if you can so your ds's memories can be prolonged.

I cannot tell you how sorry I am that this is happening to you. It is really fucking unfair.

LuxuryTrifle · 14/02/2015 06:43

Jenny, I just read this entire thread. Words fail me - how to endure the unendurable? Like everyone else here I want to say how your love for your DS and DH shine through your posts. Without question your DS will KNOW he has been loved and cherished and wrapped in kindness by you at these incredibly formative early years of his life - you have given him a bedrock of care and safety and cherishing that will inform everything he is.

Your plight is making me cry, like many other posters. it is so unfair. And you are handling it with such grace, though you don't think you are. Anger and a frantic desire for survival are so so natural - to 'rage, rage against the dying of the light.' But interwoven with that you have such blessed focus on and cherishing of your son.

Oh Jenny! We are all thinking of you, crying for you, and wrapping you up in love.

I think Hound says it with poignant brilliance and truth:
Jenny, you are here, you will have been here. No more or less than anyone who lived a hundred years.

GasLIghtShining · 14/02/2015 23:17

I have posted on here under a different name. I have only name changed as the next bit could out me in other threads. I went to a funeral last year and the vicar said:

'Life is like walking up a hill. We can all see each other - some are by us and others are behind or in front. When we get to the top we die and go over the brow of the hill. We are still around but to the others walking up the hill we can't be seen. Eventually family and friends will come over the brow and you all be together again'.

I like this analogy and feel that even if you are not religious it is a nice way of looking at death.

Jenny - I think of every day. Each day is giving your family more memories.

SunshineBossaNova · 16/02/2015 11:09

Hi Jenny, I hope you're having a good day today and lots of cuddles with your DS. Flowers

AbbyCadabby · 16/02/2015 21:03

Hi, Jenny
Thinking of you. I hope you are doing well today.

I hope this isn't inappropriate, but I just stumbled upon it on Fb and thought of you. Worth a go? www.telegraph.co.uk/foodanddrink/healthyeating/10868428/Give-up-dairy-products-to-beat-cancer.html?utm_content=buffer31616&utm_medium=social&utm_source=facebook.com&utm_campaign=buffer

PoppySausage · 17/02/2015 22:03

Thinking of you Jenny. I hope ds is giving you lots of cuddles

FirstAidKitten · 19/02/2015 07:39

Thinking of you jenny Flowers

notnaice · 19/02/2015 10:57

Just because we are not posting doesn't mean we are not thinking of you.

Henbur1702 · 19/02/2015 13:32

Hi Jenny how are you feeling? Xx

cavkc · 19/02/2015 14:53

Hope you've had a good few days with your DS x

DoreensEatingHerSoreen · 22/02/2015 02:04

Hi Jenny,
Thinking of you today and everyday.
I love the analogy about the hill, I hope that brings you some comfort.
Sending love x

saffronwblue · 23/02/2015 03:35

How are you doing, Jenny? I think there are lots of people thinking of you. x

StuffYouAllInTheCrust · 23/02/2015 10:56

Another here, thinking of you and sending love. Xx

QOD · 23/02/2015 23:07

And here Jenny ??

Roonerspism · 24/02/2015 07:10

And from here. Every day xx

Ohfourfoxache · 24/02/2015 10:18

Thinking of you sweetheart, hope you're having lots of lovely snuggles x

bananayellow · 24/02/2015 10:25

Me too, every single day.

xxx Thanks

wump · 24/02/2015 11:16

Hope you have found peace Jenny xx

SunshineBossaNova · 24/02/2015 12:59

Flowers for you Jenny x

Buxtonstill · 25/02/2015 08:25

Oh Jenny. My heart goes out to you, your little boy and your husband. I think of you often, and I'm not the only one xx

ChillySundays · 25/02/2015 15:00

Me like others think of you often