To want to run away

[LostJennyWren]

Today is my 25th birthday, likely the last birthday I will ever have. I have recently been diagnosed with a rare cancer, and the prognosis is not good. I have a two year old daughter. Every time I look at her my heart breaks. She will never remember me.
Anyway, all of my family and friends want me to enjoy my birthday. My DH wants us to do something special as a family and pretend everything is normal. But I can't. AIBU to just want to check myself into a hotel room alone and spend the day crying? I can't cope anymore. Nothing helps.

Thank you all. Your support gets me through the dark times. I have had an awful few days, have felt so weak all I could do was sleep. I'm still fighting though, and this morning have felt strong enough to mumsnet, netflix and most importantly watch my little boy play. He even snuggled up to me and watched an episode of Fireman Sam. It's so strange, I feel so much better today. I thought I was going to just get worse and worse until I was gone. I know I am still so, so ill but this morning I almost feel normal. (Well not really but you know what I mean.) I had an appointment with my consultant on Friday and I'm doing better than they expected, which is nice. I'm grasping onto as much life as I can.

It's good to hear that you are doing well considering and are feeling a bit brighter today.

Keep grabbing life and holding on tight to every precious moment with your beautiful family xx

Jenny that's super that you're feeling better today, and wonderful that your consultant says you're doing so well. It's been horribly cold, so snuggling in the warm wih your gorgeous little boy watching fireman Sam sounds really rather lovely!

"Feeling almost normal" is a brilliant way of describing how you feel after a period of feeling so dreadful. It's like a sudden relief to have a bit of energy and feel like you are able to or want to do something. Long may it continue

Hi, Jenny.

I am so sorry to learn of what you are going through. There really are no words, so I just wanted to let you know that another stranger is thinking of you and wishing you well. (hugs)

I'm glad you're having a good day today Jenny. Your DS sounds lovely and snuggly.

I wish you many more good days with your little man.

Hope there are many more good days to come. I've been thinking of you often still.

Stay strong. Grab as many cuddles as you can from your ds.

Take care

Jenny, I have just read this thread in tears. I don't know what to say to you, but I feel this burning need to say something.

What you are going through is the hardest thing I think can happen to anyone. I know you feel you are not being brave but I think that you are. Mark Twain said "Courage is resistance to fear... Not absence of fear" and I agree with him.

Of course you are frightened, it's ruddy terrifying, and you will be showing how scared you are because you're human; but that doesn't mean you're not being brave. I think doing anything at all qualifies as being brave in your position, but you're actually doing positive things - reaching out for help, talking to your family. It is amazing what you are doing.

I also believe that the love you put out into the world lives on forever. I will be thinking of you and hoping you have a long and happy time with your family. xxx

Keep grasping Jenny.

I'm so glad to hear that you've been feeling better. I am thinking of you. X

Oh Jenny, I am so pleased you are feeling a little better. You truly are in my thoughts every day and I love hearing about you cuddling up with your son and watching him play x

You're still fighting, that says it all about just how brave you are. Been thinking of you lots and so glad to hear you're feeling stronger today and enjoying your boy. Keep fighting xxx

I'm just sending all the love I can.

Oh Jenny, you sound like such a wonderful little family.

A huge hug to you, you amazing girl x

Jenny (((hugs))) delurking too to say your thread has touched my heart so much.My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family Xx

How are you today?

Hope you are having a good weekend Jenny

Not read the full thread because I have hardly any battery left, wanted to make a suggestion though so posting anyway

How about going to build a bear together and making a bear, really special time doing it together and you can record yourself saying "I love you" or something like that and then when the bear is hugged its like you are sending a hug

Thinking of you Jenny

Thinking of you Jenny. Hope you are enjoying some of DS' smiles and cuddles.

Been thinking of you Jenny as I knew someone who was in your situation a year ago so it really strikes a cord.

Still thinking of you. Don't want you to feel unsupported. I bet lots of us are checking in regularly hoping that you are still enjoying cuddles with your ds.

Check in on you every day Jenny. Sending you love xxx

Thinking of you and sending big hugs x

I'm struggling so much today. I'm so afraid. I can't die and leave my son. :(

Help me.