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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To want to run away

689 replies

LostJennyWren · 15/12/2014 10:15

Today is my 25th birthday, likely the last birthday I will ever have. I have recently been diagnosed with a rare cancer, and the prognosis is not good. I have a two year old daughter. Every time I look at her my heart breaks. She will never remember me.
Anyway, all of my family and friends want me to enjoy my birthday. My DH wants us to do something special as a family and pretend everything is normal. But I can't. AIBU to just want to check myself into a hotel room alone and spend the day crying? I can't cope anymore. Nothing helps.

OP posts:
IamtheZombie · 17/01/2015 18:27

Thinking of you, Jenny.

londonrach · 17/01/2015 18:29

No more to add apart from thinking of you jenny xxxxxxxxxxxxxx (hand held out to hold you no matter where you are)

SnotandBothered · 17/01/2015 18:51

Jenny. Hope you are having a better evening. I was just on my way out but stopped to check in first. I wanted to see how you were doing and let you know that another stranger on the internet is thinking about you and your family again this evening x

Parsley1234 · 17/01/2015 19:04

De lurking bless you Jenny and your beautiful family Flowers x

Buxtonstill · 17/01/2015 21:10

You are in my thoughts. Wish you strength. Xx

PoppySausage · 17/01/2015 22:10

Holding out my hand to you and your family Jenny. X

cavkc · 19/01/2015 15:20

Hope you had a lovely weekend with your ds and DH x

Highlandbird · 19/01/2015 15:49

De lurking to send all my love to you Jenny. I lost a dear, dear friend to cancer last year and she left her 3yo DS behind.
Do you have some really good friends that you trust, who can help your DH in the future? We didn't know my friends DH that well before as he is quite shy, but she made sure to ask us to be there for him, and to help guide him with parenting (although your DH sounds like a fantastic dad). He now comes swimming, to play group, soft play, walks in the park etc with us all, and he can also talk to us about his wonderful wife because we all knew her well too. It's like a support network for him of people that love his DS and want the best for them both, but we know when to leave him alone too.
I hope that I haven't offended you. Enjoy the cuddles and kisses with your darling boy. You really will live on in his heart forever. Love and strength to you and your family xx

Original poster
LostJennyWren · 19/01/2015 19:16

@Highlandbird you haven't offended me, thank you for the suggestion. My DH and I only have a couple of very close friends, non of who have children of their own (yet) so I'm not sure if a similar system would work for us.

I am talking to our sons Godparents and telling them to watch over my little boy and husband. I have given them all a copy of the parenting manual I have made for my DH so they can keep an eye on things. I know he will be fine without me. I know our son will be a happy, well loved little boy but it helps to know that he and my DH will have some support. I know how hard this will be for them. And the parenting manual helps me feel like I am still a part of the decisions in how he is raised.

OP posts:
Highlandbird · 19/01/2015 19:59

I think that sounds like a great idea, you know that your voice will still be heard and that you're having input in to how your son is raised. Don't be afraid to tell good friends how you're feeling and what you're thinking, they will want to know what they can do to help, don't be scared to 'put too much' on them, they are strong enough to take it if they are good friends worth having. Keep posting here if it helps you too. Sometimes it's easier to talk honestly when it's anonymous.
Hope you've had a good day with your DH and DS. X

bananayellow · 19/01/2015 21:26

Hi Jenny

Hope you managed to have a lovely weekend.
How are you doing? Are you managing to potter round and have some semblance of a normal family life or are you feeling so unwell that normal tasks have become difficult? I do so hope it is the former.

I'm so glad you have finished the parenting manual. DH will always have that to refer to and your son will be a product of your upbringing as well as DH's. I'm glad that you have found someone to keep an eye on them both. That must be a big comfort to you.

Still thinking of you often.

SuggestmeaUsername · 19/01/2015 22:26

Hi Jenny

I have just read your post for the first time. I am so sorry. I cant imagine what you are going through and how you are feeling. My thoughts are with you and your family.

I think recording a video or audio message would be something your daughter would cherrish when she is older. You could have a weekend away or longer where you have quality time together and take a camcorder to record the special time you have together. Write down as many memories as you can of your time with your daughter, husband, your parents, friends, anecdotes, where you grew up, favourite food, colour, music, etc. put together your family tree.

Take care

Original poster
LostJennyWren · 20/01/2015 15:14

Banana I am sleeping a lot. Some days are better than others. Right now I am lying on the sofa watching my son cause chaos around me. Its lovely... even lovlier knowing im not expected to tidy the mess!

OP posts:
Goldmandra · 20/01/2015 15:19

I think the parenting manual was a great idea. Having that input in the future is important and that's a great way to help people remember what you would like for your DS.

The image I have in my head now is lovely. You can lie there giving him all your attention as he brings things to you, watching him finding out about the world and having the best excuse in the world to stay there Smile

Buxtonstill · 20/01/2015 15:45

Are you in London? If so please PM me if there is anything I could do to help you - even if just to do your ironing so you all have more time to spend together.

Original poster
LostJennyWren · 20/01/2015 17:12

Buxton I am not in London but thank you for the lovely offer. This ilness has really shown me how kind strangers can be. :)

OP posts:
SunshineBossaNova · 20/01/2015 18:02

I'm glad you're having a better day today Jenny. I can imagine you lying there while your DS creates lovely havoc. Smile

Blueandwhitelover · 20/01/2015 18:06

I am so glad that you are able to see the wonder in his eyes as he discovers things in his world.
Thinking of you and your family x

cavkc · 22/01/2015 14:36

Thinking about you darling girl x

Hope you're keeping warm

AuLaitAuLait · 22/01/2015 15:20

Thinking of you & sending you love xxx

Goldmandra · 22/01/2015 15:50

I'm wondering how you're getting on but not wanting to nag. Updating MN should definitely be done only if you feel like it.

Just want you to know we are thinking of you.

xx

Ohfourfoxache · 22/01/2015 19:10

Another one not wanting to nag but want you to know I'm thinking of you xx

StuffYouAllInTheCrust · 24/01/2015 20:23

And another thinking of you. Xx

TakemedowntoPotatoCity · 24/01/2015 21:13

Hello Jenny!

Another delurker here to say I have followed your thread from the start (posted early on then went back to lurking) and you are in my thoughts every day. I hope you are having a nice weekend with your family. Xx

PoppySausage · 26/01/2015 01:09

Hope you had a good weekend Jennny xx