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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To want to run away

689 replies

LostJennyWren · 15/12/2014 10:15

Today is my 25th birthday, likely the last birthday I will ever have. I have recently been diagnosed with a rare cancer, and the prognosis is not good. I have a two year old daughter. Every time I look at her my heart breaks. She will never remember me.
Anyway, all of my family and friends want me to enjoy my birthday. My DH wants us to do something special as a family and pretend everything is normal. But I can't. AIBU to just want to check myself into a hotel room alone and spend the day crying? I can't cope anymore. Nothing helps.

OP posts:
Ohfourfoxache · 12/01/2015 23:54

How are you feeling now sweetheart? X

Original poster
LostJennyWren · 13/01/2015 00:20

I just keep getting bad news and it seems like I'm not going to get any real time with my family. My heart is broken.

OP posts:
Goldmandra · 13/01/2015 08:25

Oh, Jenny, I'm so sorry.

The very least you deserved was the opportunity to make some lovely memories with your DS and cram some good times in before it all went downhill.

I hope your DH is coping well enough to be able to support you xx

Royalsighness · 13/01/2015 08:54

I'm so sorry, I wish there was something I could do to help. Nobody deserves to go through this Flowers

SunshineBossaNova · 13/01/2015 12:46

I'm sorry lovely. Flowers

You are in my thoughts.

londonrach · 13/01/2015 12:49

Xxxxx

peggyundercrackers · 13/01/2015 13:37

this has me in tears - jenny I feel really sorry that your going through this - its not something anyone should have to go through. you and your family are in my thoughts.

StuffYouAllInTheCrust · 13/01/2015 14:15

I don't post much but have just been reading your thread. It is truly heartbreaking and so so understandable that you are angry, you have every right! Just wanted to add another hand to hold. Xx

cavkc · 13/01/2015 16:25

Oh Hun x sending you love and another pair of hands to hold you x

Original poster
LostJennyWren · 13/01/2015 20:22

My husband is a wonderful, brilliant man, in so many ways we have grown up together and been the making of each other. We were each others first loves, and even early on in our relationship we said we would be each others only love.
That's not to say we have/ had a fairy tale relationship. My God could we argue. It was always sorted before bedtime though, and we both knew/ know that we loved each other even as we shouted.

When I fell pregnant with our son I thought my husband (then boyfriend) would leave me. It was unplanned and we were both so young and he had always dreamed on travelling. He proved me so, so wrong. I should have known he would rise to the challenge. He had always been and continues to be my rock. He was so scared of becoming a dad, he wondered if he would be any good at it. He's such a brilliant, involved, patient dad.

I worry less about my son knowing his fantastic daddy will always be there to hold his hand. As he has always and for now continues to hold mine. We have been through so much together in a few short years and it isn't fair it has to end like this, or end this soon. I still feel blessed that even for a little while I got to cling on to my soulmate's hand and journey with him through life, even if I only got to go a little bit of the way. And I am thankful that I live on, and mine and my husband love for each other lives on in a very precious little boy.

OP posts:
notnaice · 13/01/2015 20:28

You express yourself so well. The above is beautiful.

SnotandBothered · 13/01/2015 21:15

Jenny - you have to find a way to ensure your lovely DH and DS see this thread. One day, when they are ready, they will read it and feel your love shining through.

Print it out and put it in an envelope.

I am not much of a pray-er, but i will pray for you and your family this evening.

Goldmandra · 13/01/2015 21:21

Wow! I second the PP. You write so eloquently. You really ought to find a way to share this with your DH and DS.

Have you managed to complete any of the book? If you have written in it like this it will be both comforting and inspirational for your son.

justmyview · 13/01/2015 21:46

That's beautifully written, how eloquent. Could someone else help you to complete the book for your son & husband, if you're not feeling up to it?

SunshineBossaNova · 13/01/2015 22:09

What you've written is beautiful Jenny. Your love for your husband shines through.

Original poster
LostJennyWren · 13/01/2015 23:28

I am in pieces tonight

OP posts:
Ohfourfoxache · 13/01/2015 23:38

I'm holding your hand, darling x

Your post is one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen written on MN. As others have said, your love for your DH and DS just shines through - it's palpable.

Bananayellow · 13/01/2015 23:39

Oh jenny,
If only there was some way to reach out and help you. We feel so helpless. I hope the fact that there are people thinking of you brings you some small comfort. I bet there are a lot of lurkers thinking of you but they don't know what to say to you.

I'm just so sorry that you are in this awful position.
My hand is here for you to hold. I'm gripping tightly.

PoppySausage · 14/01/2015 01:11

Beautiful heartfelt words Jenny. I mostly lurke on here but check in everyday to see how you are doing, I think about this thread a lot. Hope you are ok

Original poster
LostJennyWren · 14/01/2015 14:28

PoppySausage thank you knowing people are with me and thinking of me really does give me a lot comfort.

OP posts:
SnotandBothered · 14/01/2015 21:57

Jenny. I can almost guarantee that everyone on this thread thinks about you at least once a day. I know I do.

I am sorry you are having a particularly awful night. We are with you x

ChillySundays · 14/01/2015 22:01

Jenny - you will live on in your son. and your DH will be there for him.

I am sure your DH knows how much you love them both but I agree with others about letting him see this thread.

Like other I think of you every day

RhinosAreFatUnicorns · 14/01/2015 22:04

Jenny. I read this thread last night and you have been in my thoughts since. I just wanted you to know that. You come across as so brave and courageous. You will never be forgotten by your family.

Sending a prayer for you x

JainaProudmoore · 14/01/2015 22:31

Jenny, I'm joining the throng of others sending their love and letting you know we are all thinking of you. You are an amazingly brave lady x

CrapBag · 14/01/2015 22:38

Jenny it's so hard to know what to say. Sad

You are in my thoughts, as are your husband and DS. Are you going to print the thread for them? You have expressed yourself so well. I'm sure your DS would like to read it one day. You are allowed to be angry and want to shut yourself away. There is no right or wrong way to deal with something like this.

Flowers