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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was I unreasonable... to 'steal' a comprising photo of my child ....

157 replies

slanleat · 14/12/2014 17:26

... even if that child is now an adult of 24?!

We were at my DH's family christmas party last night and it had been suggested that they all bring any old family photos they had along to view and bring back some memories. We arrived in and one of the first things that happened was one of my BIL's came up to me with a photo of a small nude boy child and made a joke about 'has it gotten any bigger over the years'. I actually initally thought it was a photo of BIL.

It was in fact a photo taken of my DS when I was in the hospital after having my DD1. And when looking through the other photos I came across another nude photo of him taken at the same time. My DH is in both of the photos. DS is eating, DH having a cuppa and toast... DS was 2yrs3mths. And I will say straight out that there is clearly nothing sexual about them, but its also not the type of photo I took of my kids.

I would often let them have 'nudey time' after baths etc but would never have thought to take a camera out for it.

So I took the two photos and put them into my handbag, with my DS's knowledge. His partner was at the party too, and she agreed with me that she thought it was 'creapy' that they were passing the photos around.

My DH seems to think it was unreasonable and I was stealing someone else's photos/property. I just said well its my child and I want the pictures. Must have been fairly strongly worded too, cause he left it at that.

But what do you think ... was I out of order?

OP posts:
fatterface · 14/12/2014 20:02

I think it would have been fine for your DS to take them if he felt uncomfortable - even though the photos were someone else's property morally they are his image.

I have lots of naked photos of my kids and don't see them as compromising though.

GarlicGiftsAndGlitter · 14/12/2014 20:04

I guess about half the posters here didn't squirm in hot-faced embarrassment when their mums/grans wheeled out their baby pictures on meeting the latest squeeze ... and half of us did Grin

CrapBag · 14/12/2014 21:20

Yanbu. The bigger comment is weird and purely meant to humiliate your DS. If I was in his position and a family member was planning to pass around naked pictures of me as a child I would be mortified.

And posters talking about stolen property are being utterly ridiculous. You didn't break into his house and steal his TV FFS.

CrapBag · 14/12/2014 21:23

Mrs Devere I totally agree with this so called family 'teasing' I am and always have been on the receiving end of it and even those that don't do it normally tend to do it in the company of others then I get accused of not being able to take a joke etc. I really hate it. It does feel like being given ganged up on/bullying.

ScrambledEggAndToast · 14/12/2014 21:41

YANBU, I wouldn't feel uncomfortable if naked pictures of my DS were being passed around.

MrsDeVere · 14/12/2014 21:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dottytablecloth · 14/12/2014 21:47

YANBU

YANBU

YANBU

How bloomin dare anyone take naked photos of someone else's children without their knowledge and even with their knowledge, why would they?

It's weird, creepy and put of order.

I too would be furious and I would feel so betrayed at what was happening especially when I was on hospital giving birth.

What kind of weirdo wants naked photos of someone else's children?

Totally right of you to take them.

CalleighDoodle · 14/12/2014 22:09

Passing around naked photos of a child is really inappropriate. More so as it is not their child. Totally unacceptable. Id have taken them too but probably in no way discretely.

Nativity3 · 14/12/2014 22:17

YANBU! I would have done the same!

The people who said YABU are all wrong!

CheeseBuster · 14/12/2014 22:39

YABU.

Fullpleatherjacket · 14/12/2014 23:30

feelingunsupported Fullpleather - the child's father was there when the picture was taken. The mother's consent is neither here nor there

It's not clear whether the father was aware he was being photographed let alone his naked ds.

Tron123 · 15/12/2014 00:01

I think that it was in very poor taste for these particular photos to be taken along when your BIL would have many more to choose from, his comment was plain rude. These photos might have been his but given the fact they were not of him and the circumstances I think you were right to have taken them well done

ElkTheory · 15/12/2014 00:02

YABU. The photos do not belong to you. And your son is 24 years old. If he felt any sort of discomfort about the pictures, he could have talked to his uncle.

snailsinlove · 15/12/2014 00:10

YADNBU, I am kind of surprised how many people are flaming you for 'stealing' to be honest. Plus the sole reason your bil would object/want then back would be to be wierdly embarrassing to your ds.

sykadelic · 15/12/2014 01:21

YANBU

It doesn't matter that the child is now 24. You would have destroyed them long ago had you known of them. You can't just go around taking photos of other peoples children!

The simple truth is someone took a photo of your child. That photo makes you uncomfortable (you consider it indecent) and would never have taken it yourself. He then decided to use that photo to mock your now adult son. You had the chance to take them and you did. You told your son who was happy you took them.

Absolutely nothing wrong with that.

Out of interest, it's against the Child Protection Act to take an "indecent" photo of a child. You found it indecent, it's your child, you did not give permission for it to be taken (or distributed as he was doing at the party) www.jisclegal.ac.uk/ManageContent/ViewDetail/ID/1932/Legal-Aspects-of-the-Use-of-Child-Images-in-OERs.aspx You could argue the father gave consent, you didn't, the child didn't.. etc etc

Of course the legal aspect is probably OTT but some peoples reactions on this thread are just crazy... thy need to stop focusing on the age of the child now because it's not relevant. You found an indecent photo, unauthorised photo of your child and took it, YANBU.

Bulbasaur · 15/12/2014 05:14

He's inquiring about his nephews dick size. Forget the picture, that is fucking weird.

I'd take away the picture too. Even if it wasn't inappropriate they were doing it to make fun of your son in a bit of an uncomfortable manner. There's no need for that.

In any case, it doesn't matter how many YABU's or YANBU's you get. With a picture like that, it's a personal decision about your comfort level with it. If you didn't approve of your BIL having it, then he doesn't need to have it. End of. I'm sure he has plenty of other pictures of your DS to treasure.

larrygrylls · 15/12/2014 05:56

Next stop, the National Gallery. Tear down all the images of naked children, angels and putti. After all, they were mostly drawn from real children. Who knows what perverted thoughts they might give rise to?!

What I find bizarre, OP, is the way you still infantilise your son. Why didn't you ask him how he felt at the gathering rather than ex post facto? And, if these images are embarrassing to him, why do you not destroy them or give them to him?

If one of my parents had started surreptitiously stealing pictures of me at a family gathering, I would have either been furious or maybe thought it was early onset dementia.

This image censorship of normal family pics of babies and toddlers is uncomfortably like the Talibsn religious police.

DecaffCoffeeAndRollupsPlease · 15/12/2014 06:09

Ywnbu, especially as ds didn't want them out, and bil had made a stupid comment about his genitalia. I have nothing against nudity but bil was just being an idiot. I would thank my mother for doing what you did if similar circumstances arose.

DecaffCoffeeAndRollupsPlease · 15/12/2014 06:36

I agree with MrsDeVere here about people disguising unpleasant behaviour behind 'teasing'.

larrygrylls · 15/12/2014 06:48

Decaff,

Taking the pictures does not address the uncle's behaviour. Picking him up on it at the time is how that is dealt with.

I find it incredibly creepy that so many posters look at a young child's body and think of sex, even if it is expressed in the mealy mouthed politically correct language of 'inappropriate, indecent, unacceptable' etc.

When my children rip all their clothes off to run through the sprinkler in the summer (as I did at the same age), I just see their joy in having fully functioning energetic young bodies. It will be a sad day (is it here already?) when taking pictures of youthful joie de vivre is labelled unacceptable.

Hakluyt · 15/12/2014 06:57

"I would often let them have 'nudey time' after baths etc but would never have thought to take a camera out for it."

The fact that you say "nudey time" and talk about "often letting them" implies a rather strange attitude to a 2 yeqr old taking his clothes off to me.

I have some charming pictures, for example, of my nephew wearing nothing but red wellies, for example. Actually, one hot summer, that was what he wore most of the time. I am very glad I don't have th sort of mind that looks at those pictures and thinks "compromising".........

Mousefinkle · 15/12/2014 07:08

Yanbu. I'd have done that too. It's a bit weird keeping photos of a naked child that isn't yours really... I'm not suggesting there's anything remotely sinister about it, it's just a bit of an odd thing to have unless you live in some kind of commune. It also made your DS feel uncomfortable. They're photos of him and he wanted you to take them, I'd say it's ultimately up to him what happens to them really.

My mum has a couple of naked photos of me when I was a baby being washed in the sink. I'd be horrified if they were dragged out at a big family party with everyone joking in some way about my genitalia or whatever. It's not nice.

larrygrylls · 15/12/2014 07:18

There is nothing weird about having naked pictures of one's nephew. I have a lovely one of my two and their cousin all sharing a big bath, aged 6,4 and 2. Why is it weird, unless you are sexually obsessed?

nooka · 15/12/2014 07:23

I've got lots of photographs of both my own and my sibling's children when they were all small, and in some of the pics taken in the summer they are all naked. So what? Small children having fun in the summer with no clothes on is to me totally normal. Some of the pics are quite funny and so are in our family photograph albums. Just like me and my siblings and cousins are in my parents/uncles/aunts/grandparents albums. They are lovely pictures and I enjoy looking at hem every now and then.

The uncle making weird comments I might well object to, but the pictures, unless very strange I'd not be so bothered about. I'd also expect my children to be making the fuss if they really didn't like them. At 24 the OP's son is an adult and surely capable of intervening if it was a big deal to him (assuming the BIL isn't a bully and hard to handle).

I think people have got a bit strange about nakedness. Surely it's one of the joys of childhood to be uninhibited and that should be celebrated, not 'weirdified'

Hakluyt · 15/12/2014 07:25

And the word "indecent" in theses circumstances is ridiculous.