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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was I unreasonable... to 'steal' a comprising photo of my child ....

157 replies

slanleat · 14/12/2014 17:26

... even if that child is now an adult of 24?!

We were at my DH's family christmas party last night and it had been suggested that they all bring any old family photos they had along to view and bring back some memories. We arrived in and one of the first things that happened was one of my BIL's came up to me with a photo of a small nude boy child and made a joke about 'has it gotten any bigger over the years'. I actually initally thought it was a photo of BIL.

It was in fact a photo taken of my DS when I was in the hospital after having my DD1. And when looking through the other photos I came across another nude photo of him taken at the same time. My DH is in both of the photos. DS is eating, DH having a cuppa and toast... DS was 2yrs3mths. And I will say straight out that there is clearly nothing sexual about them, but its also not the type of photo I took of my kids.

I would often let them have 'nudey time' after baths etc but would never have thought to take a camera out for it.

So I took the two photos and put them into my handbag, with my DS's knowledge. His partner was at the party too, and she agreed with me that she thought it was 'creapy' that they were passing the photos around.

My DH seems to think it was unreasonable and I was stealing someone else's photos/property. I just said well its my child and I want the pictures. Must have been fairly strongly worded too, cause he left it at that.

But what do you think ... was I out of order?

OP posts:
StillStayingClassySanDiego · 14/12/2014 17:40

Admittedly, I'd have been pissed off at the comment made by your BiL.

I'm assuming your dh had no objection to the photo being taken at the time and he felt it was okay?

feelingunsupported · 14/12/2014 17:41

Furious? ? He's 24!

Hoggle246 · 14/12/2014 17:41

The comment was very weird and I agree with alf that it probably wouldn't have happened with a girl - 'her tits got bigger then?' etc.

I don't think I'd find naked pics of themselves out of order, but can also imagine that perhaps being confronted with them as you were, I'd feel the same. Don't know if I'd take them though...

BalloonSlayer · 14/12/2014 17:41

If BIL was making mocking jokes about the size of a boy DC's penis then too right I'd "remove" the pictures.

If I felt guilty at being accused of stealing them, I'd happily offer them back after the occasion in which a whole family group was potentially being encouraged to take the piss out of my child was over.

Itsfab · 14/12/2014 17:42

Your BIL is a prat for his comments. If he had said nothing would you have still taken the photos?

furcoatbigknickers · 14/12/2014 17:42

Yanbu

SabrinaMulhollandJjones · 14/12/2014 17:43

YANBU. I would've done the same.

PigeonPie · 14/12/2014 17:44

I'd have been cross too and would have said something, taking them as I said it, so OP YANBU.

Totally inappropriate and unfair on your DS. Doesn't matter how old he is now, they shouldn't have been taken in the first place as he didn't have a say then.

EhricJinglingHisBallsOnHigh · 14/12/2014 17:44

If your son wanted the pics taken out of circulation then of course you did the right thing. My parents had a photo of me and DBro on our dad's lap, me around 3, legs splayed and both of our genitals on display. I don't know why they had it to be honest, no dodgy reason but I would never take or keep a photo like that of DS. Anyway we both found them mortifying and at some point I found them and destroyed them. They weren't mine but they were images of me naked as a child so my intellectual property I think.

Original poster
slanleat · 14/12/2014 17:46

Its a mixed reaction, and to be honest I had mixed feelings about it too. My son knows I have the photos and he quietly said that while he feels there is nothing wrong with a nude child - he would not take a similar shot of either of his two nephews (similar age)

OP posts:
Alisvolatpropiis · 14/12/2014 17:49

Ywnbu

I don't give a shit whose "property" the photos were.

SabrinaMulhollandJjones · 14/12/2014 17:49

I have pictures of my dc naked as babies, but no one else does. I don't think it's ok to have naked pictures of other people's dc tbh, in this day and age.

glammanana · 14/12/2014 17:56

Why did your BIL go out of his way to bring these photographs of your Ds I wonder ? surely he had other photographs he could have brought,whilst we all coo over pic's of babes in the nude on a rug etc when tiny I would not allow anyone and I mean anyone to take pics of my child at 2yrs 3 mths when he was undressed so no I do not think you where wrong taking the photos home with you,I would make sure your BIL knows what you have done and tell him how it made you feel.

TheCunnyFunt · 14/12/2014 17:56

Nope YANBU, I can't believe that people are saying that you are being unreasonable, and VU at that! I wouldn't be happy at all if anyone had naked photos of my DD especially if they were being passed around with the intent to humiliate her!

Alisvolatpropiis · 14/12/2014 17:57

My mum removed naked photos of me as a toddler from my grandparents way back in the early 90's. She cut off my bottom half and returned them.

MrsDeVere · 14/12/2014 17:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

larrygrylls · 14/12/2014 18:03

It is really depressing the way this thread has turned. There is nothing wrong with small children playing naked or of taking pictures of them enjoying themselves.

To be honest, it takes a paranoid and rather sick mind to associate nakedness with sex, even in small children. There are loads of pictures of my brother and I naked (not 'nudey' which carries embarrassed and sexual overtones) until 7 or 8. They are childhood memories of a pleasanter era.

People seem to confuse what a picture is and what some pervert may do with it. That way lies banning all images of people and a Taliban like society.

APlaceInTheWinter · 14/12/2014 18:04

I think YWBU especially since you seem to have agreed with your DS' girlfriend that the photos were 'creepy'. They weren't creepy. They were photos of everyday life and included your DH. He obviously knew the photos were being taken at the time and was ok about it.

Your BIL's comment was misjudged and you obviously reacted to that but the photo was innocent.

PortofinoVino · 14/12/2014 18:06

I think 'compromising' and 'nude photos of your DS' are in your head joined together.

I can't see anything compromising about them at all. It must be you Confused

Beangarda · 14/12/2014 18:07

I would have made no secret of the fact I thought that passing around naked photographs of a child, however old that child now is, was deeply inappropriate, and taken them publicly. Unless your son had done so himself, or had other strong feelings on the subject.

larrygrylls · 14/12/2014 18:09

Deeply 'inappropriate'?! Why? What concerns you about a naked 2 year old having a nice time?

FluffyJawsOfDoom · 14/12/2014 18:11

Creepy. Yanbu!

feelingunsupported · 14/12/2014 18:12

I agree larry my mum has a pic of me and my cousin in the bath together. We must be 5 and 7. My aunt and uncle have the same picture.

I think the op was unreasonable because the child in the picture is now an adult who could have decided for himself to get rid of the photo.

The father of the child was in the picture - and thus aware that the pic was being taken. Adult parental consent given in my eyes.

Innocent Pictures of naked children are fine. My friends have been to stay with their toddler this weekend. Our boys (2 and nearly 3 ) were in the bath together - my friend took photos. Not a big deal imho

Fuckmath · 14/12/2014 18:12

YANBU

The BIL sounds a twunt

notagainffffffffs · 14/12/2014 18:13

Yanbu-it is one thing to have them in your possession, quite another for them to be in someone else's.
I think your ds being uncomfortable is the only ammunition you needed