Was I unreasonable... to 'steal' a comprising photo of my child ....

[slanleat]

... even if that child is now an adult of 24?!

We were at my DH's family christmas party last night and it had been suggested that they all bring any old family photos they had along to view and bring back some memories. We arrived in and one of the first things that happened was one of my BIL's came up to me with a photo of a small nude boy child and made a joke about 'has it gotten any bigger over the years'. I actually initally thought it was a photo of BIL.

It was in fact a photo taken of my DS when I was in the hospital after having my DD1. And when looking through the other photos I came across another nude photo of him taken at the same time. My DH is in both of the photos. DS is eating, DH having a cuppa and toast... DS was 2yrs3mths. And I will say straight out that there is clearly nothing sexual about them, but its also not the type of photo I took of my kids.

I would often let them have 'nudey time' after baths etc but would never have thought to take a camera out for it.

So I took the two photos and put them into my handbag, with my DS's knowledge. His partner was at the party too, and she agreed with me that she thought it was 'creapy' that they were passing the photos around.

My DH seems to think it was unreasonable and I was stealing someone else's photos/property. I just said well its my child and I want the pictures. Must have been fairly strongly worded too, cause he left it at that.

But what do you think ... was I out of order?

I have no problem with children being nude. I have some toddler photos of my own dc where they happen to be nude, I just don't think I'd like anyone else to have possession of those. I certainly won't be bringing them out to pass around in a "oh look, they're naked - ha ha!" way. They're cute pictures because my dc are in them, not because my dc are naked in them.

The op didn't have a problem with her dc running around naked as toddlers, she wasn't the one making a big deal out of it, she does have a problem with some twat uncle making a big deal out of it.

Surely the taking back of the photo or otherwise should have been up to the 24 year old adult. His mother had absolutely zero claim to them.

I don't think it's a problem to have nude photos of your children. I don't even mind if it's close family and friends (I have of friend's children in our paddling pool, 30 years ago.)

However, I would not be showing them at a party. I think it would have been done to embarrass. I think I would have done the same as the OP.

I don't agree, Larry. I think the mother has a perfect claim to her child's baby photos- particularly when said child is naked, and said photos are being passed around at family gatherings.

Sabrina,

What claim? Her adult child was there. I hope I don't ever assume I own all of my children's childhood in perpetuity.

Considering that the photos were being passed around and how easily photos can end up on the internet, and how you took possession of them, I don't think you are being unreasonable, even if your DS is already an adults.

YANBU

The photos were taken without your knowledge and then used in a creepy way to try and humiliate your adult son.

I'd have done the same although BIL would have had an earful first.

My family must be weird - my massive boobs are a source of micky taking (as is my brother's big nose, my dad's weird ear and my Mam's dodgy bent finger) and yes - someone might have pointed out that my boobs had grown massively since childhood in jest. We rib each other about lots of things.

It's all about context really. I think some people here are very serious but ribbing and inappropriate jokes abound in my family.

Fullpleather - the child's father was there when the picture was taken. The mother's consent is neither here nor there

Some people here are professionally politically correct. The uncle was ribbing his 24 year old nephew. This may have been ok or may not, depending on their personal relationship. He was not being creepy, though. No more than any man down the pub joshing his mate about willy size.

Wow! You and your male relatives give each other penis put-downs at family gatherings, Larry? Mine don't do that, and they're well weird

No, I don't. But I do know of uncles/ nephews who have developed adult matey relationships and go to football or rugby together and then out for a few pints. In that context, joshing would be fine. If the nephew is shy snd the uncle domineering, then not so fine. See the text above mine. Context is all.

Context: Family party. Mixed company. Penis put-down about nephew made to nephew's mother.

Yanbu.

Honestly - that context would be fine in my family. My dad ribbed me about my big arse yesterday.

Only one person in my highly dysfunctional family would be that crass, inappropriate & 'humorously' offensive - my mother. Even she's learned not to, despite her non-existent boundaries, having shocked a few too many folks into icy silence.

Having naked photos of someone else's child crosses a line

Only on mumsnet. Back on planet earth it's perfectly normal and common.

(It's not the same as your dad ribbing you about your big arse.)

Context: Family party. Mixed company. Penis put-down about nephew made to nephew's mother

Quite.

Look, for everyone who says confiscating the photos is unreasonable, let's ask if you'd be perfectly happy with Uncle taking photos of your full frontal naked son at 2-2½ or at any age?
There may be totally innocent intent, but it's just not something that we do these days.

Who is 'we' though?

The pic had the child's father in it - eating toast. It doesn't sound like an intentional full frontal.

Was it a put down? Or a joke? An unfunny one, maybe, but I wouldn't be so quick to judge. I'm having one of my don't-recognise-the -world-as-portrayed-by-MN moments.
Family photos including children who happened to be naked, in the presence of family (including a parent in this case)= not creepy. It's normal. Comparisons with other groups who don't understand social norms are pointless. The social norm for small children is that it is fine for them to be naked in many circumstances.
I agree, finding it creepy makes you look a bit creepy, tbh.
OP YWBU to take someone else's property without asking.

'We' is society at large.

As I said, that was then when the photo was taken, no malintent, but would people be comfortable with the same thing now and if not, don't bandy it about and mock the subject.

I don't think saying that an adult hopefully has a bigger penis than when they were a toddler isn't a joke about their penis now though is it?.

I wouldn't take that as an attempt at humiliation at all.

I guess everyone has their own interpretation but I wouldn't be upset/offended by that.