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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

give it to me straight - am I entitled over inheritance or are my parents selfish

447 replies

twoopsie · 14/12/2014 12:13

To cut a long story short. My parents are very well off,dad is on a final salary pension and mum draws a state pension. They have a 5 bed Edwardian house in the south east, 2 buy to let flats owned outright, and from my dads side they inherited the family farm that is let out to four different people / businesses.

They have an income after tax of 8k a month and spend money stupidly. Dad bought a Mercedes purely to drive to the golf course as the clubs won't fit in the ferrari. 4 exotic holidays a year. Spend more on an extension than my whole house cost.

Anyway good for them but they have told me that they don't intend to leave me anything as they have earnt everything and want me to do the same. Firstly they haven't earnt everything as they inherited , mum has had state pension for more years than she worked and dad got to retire early on a final salary pension. They happy take extras like the free bus pass so the car won't get scratched in town and talk about using the winter fuel allowance to buy wine and claim theyve worked for this and are entitled to them.

Aibu to at least expect them to pass on what they were lucky enough to inherit?

OP posts:
Philoslothy · 14/12/2014 18:29

I plan to spend shitloads of money on round the world cruises and face lifts.

paxtecum · 14/12/2014 18:31

OP: I'm early 60s, but still working long hours, don't have a partner so support myself 100%.

I may come into some money in a few years time, some of which I plan to spend by taking my DCs and DGcs on a trip to visit relatives on the other side of the world. Of course my DCs will be beneficiaries of my will.

OP, your parents are selfish.

Purplehonesty · 14/12/2014 18:35

Well I think it's selfish. I want to be able to pass things on to my children, why wouldn't you?!
My dad has been very generous over the years, saying that I won't need it when I am 60 and now (SAHM with 2 young children) is the time that I do. So he helps us out as he can and has given me lump sums to help buy a house etc.
I hope to do the same for my children and I feel really sorry for you that your parents are being like this.

Starlightbright1 · 14/12/2014 18:36

I remember my parents having this conversation with me..I remember been really hurt...Not because I resented them spending all their money but what was left over yes I did feel entitled to some. I lost a lot so they could earn all the cash.

I haven't seen them on 20 year and now couldn't care a less about them or their money but I do understand how it hurts when you have done nothing wrong

PhaedraIsMyName · 14/12/2014 18:58

I don't remotely understand the assumption that children should automatically inherit. It's their decision.

Philoslothy · 14/12/2014 19:01

I just cannot imagine feeling resentful of how somebody spends their cash because you feel like you have done kind of primary entitlement to it.

raltheraffe · 14/12/2014 19:01

I really want to save in my old age so ds can inherit everything.

Philoslothy · 14/12/2014 19:03

I would feel very guilty if my parents did not do the things that they wanted to do because they wanted to give me money that I was capable of earning myself.

I guess it may be different if you inherited yourself.

tunaandcheesesandwich · 14/12/2014 19:07

Philoslothy - but with potentially 14 grandchildren, there will be a variety of needs among them. Some may be wealthy, but others may be in all sorts of personal situations and even small sums of money may help them.

I inherited £5000 from my grandmother and I put it towards the deposit for my first home. Without it, I would have never been able to buy a home and my life would have been more difficult. I know how much my grandmother saved all her life and how unselfish she was, and I always think of her with a smile on my face knowing how much difference she made to my life, not just personally, but also financially.

Lymmmummy · 14/12/2014 19:09

YANBU - they have been lucky to fall on a set of fortunate circumstances that they did not earn (inheritance, final salary pensions enormous house price inflation etc) but they don't want to share this - sadly not much you can do but they do seem tight. I wonder where they expect their estate to go to and also who the executors of their wills will be?

Perhaps they are just saying this as an empty threat in the hope of encouraging you to be more ambitious in order to crate your own wealth (not sure this would make any difference as lots of the things they believe they 'earned' were actually luck so could not be earned by you)

9Bluedolphins · 14/12/2014 19:10

I think it depends on how well off you are. If you are earning a decent amount, or are capable of doing so but can't be bothered, then fair enough that they don't feel that you need any help from them, and in fact that it might encourage you to be lazy and not rely on yourself if you expect to inherit.
They may just be trying not to give you a lazy attitude, and may leave you something after all - wait and see, but don't depend on it.
What would annoy me is not that they are not leaving their money to their children, but that they are so entitled and aren't doing anything useful with it when they are so rich. They could be doing great things via charities.

Tanith · 14/12/2014 19:14

I suppose it depends on how much help they will expect from you in their later years.
Are they planning to use all their wealth on care homes?

Very hurtful of them to have phrased it as they did, though.

Namechangeyetagaintohide · 14/12/2014 19:20

I think it is a bit selfish. It's not as though they can take it with them is it ?

What are they going to do with it anyway ?

Philoslothy · 14/12/2014 19:20

I can't imagine not helping my children or grandchildren if they needed it and could not help themselves. In one way or another we have helped my siblings and parents financially and therefore I can't imagine that we would not help our children or grandchildren . However the ones who are old enough think they will be inheriting nothing and I would be quite shocked if they thought that had a right to inherit.

hoobypickypicky · 14/12/2014 19:25

Yes, you're being entitled. Your parents' money is theirs to do with as they wish, and that is none of your business.

QTPie · 14/12/2014 19:26

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Stevie77 · 14/12/2014 19:27

YANBU! The context here is limited but they don't sound very nice.

As others have said, it's unusual to not want to leave something for your children and if they've been very fortunate then you'd think they would want to do that even more i.e. make sure grandchildren also get something to help them in the future etc.

Very odd Hmm

Lilmissconcerned · 14/12/2014 19:30

If it was my parents I'd be comforted in the awful loss of them that they lived their lives full and happy and did, saw and experienced everything they wanted in life... If that means they spent every penny they worked for invested and saved.... Well so be it.

NetworkGuy · 14/12/2014 19:32

Philoslothy - "I would feel very guilty if my parents did not do the things that they wanted to do"

I don't think the OP wants them to do anything other than spend cash on themselves - heck, they have enough to have difficulty spending it all every month! - but to effectively rule out passing anything on to her because of some belief they earned everything they have (and ignoring anything they inherited) seems not only small minded, but like they hate her.

(Sorry OP, I can think of few 'legal' things a parent could do that are more spiteful than this, and I don't understand their attitude at all.)

Most parents aim to help their offspring, whether during their lifetime, or at least to pass on some of their good fortune, if they have been able to put away some savings.

In these days, of course, one would hope that more parents would pass on funds throughout their lifetime, rather than have social services grab a major chunk if care in later life proves necessary (I find it questionable about how costs run so high, perhaps the 'administration' staff get too well rewarded, given the fact many of the 'minions' who do the real care work are on scales far closer to statutory minimum pay rates).

VivaLeBeaver · 14/12/2014 19:33

Its fair enough if they choose to spend it all now on holidays and cars, etc.

However if they leave lots of money, houses to the local cats home I think that's unfair. I can't imagine not wanting to leave what I could do to dd.

Philoslothy · 14/12/2014 19:36

I have no issue with paying for my care out of my estate.

BMW6 · 14/12/2014 19:50

I think it very very odd that they intend to leave you nothing at all, when they have so very much (and esp that they themselves inherited Hmm)

Strange people. Do they have some kind of issue with you?

Gen35 · 14/12/2014 19:56

I think they'll leave it to you - my folks get very annoyed about anybody expecting to inherit which I understand, apart from anything else it's ghoulish but they probably wouldn't leave it to a stranger (I hope!). If they really do leave it to a stranger shame on them, but I suspect they just like winding their kids up.

MissBeehiving · 14/12/2014 19:57

I can't imagine not wanting to help my children/grandchildren along the way in life, whether that's uni, school or a house and that's what we're planning to do for our family.

We've worked and accumulated assets but we've also inherited. I see the inheritance as "family" money - it's there for us to grow and look after and then pass on. And we'll do that as and when it's needed as the children get older and they grow up having an input into managing it too.

If it's money/assets that they have accumulated then, there's less of a moral imperative to pass it on. You'd have to be a bit of an idiot not too though.

So YANBU OP

timetoplay · 14/12/2014 19:57

I think yanbu to feel upset that they are purposefully spending money on shit they don't want just so they don't pass it to you. It's fair enough for them to choose not to live on the breadline to pass things down, it's their money but they could be spending on things they want/need and then giving the rest away rather then piss it up a wall which they don't want.

I don't think yabu and I think they are selfish, but personally that's beause i would save any excess if i was lucky to have any for family times. It wouldn't hurt them to save some and not tell you or spend and just say nothing but by saying as they are and spending on things they don't want they are sending you a message which upsets. I hope you don't help them out if they don't help you. I would also suggest you remind them to save in case one day they need to go in a nursing home because you won't be helping them any