give it to me straight - am I entitled over inheritance or are my parents selfish

[twoopsie]

To cut a long story short. My parents are very well off,dad is on a final salary pension and mum draws a state pension. They have a 5 bed Edwardian house in the south east, 2 buy to let flats owned outright, and from my dads side they inherited the family farm that is let out to four different people / businesses.

They have an income after tax of 8k a month and spend money stupidly. Dad bought a Mercedes purely to drive to the golf course as the clubs won't fit in the ferrari. 4 exotic holidays a year. Spend more on an extension than my whole house cost.

Anyway good for them but they have told me that they don't intend to leave me anything as they have earnt everything and want me to do the same. Firstly they haven't earnt everything as they inherited , mum has had state pension for more years than she worked and dad got to retire early on a final salary pension. They happy take extras like the free bus pass so the car won't get scratched in town and talk about using the winter fuel allowance to buy wine and claim theyve worked for this and are entitled to them.

Aibu to at least expect them to pass on what they were lucky enough to inherit?

You sound very grabby. They can do whatever they want with their money.

You sound very grabby. They can do whatever they want with their money.

they do plan to sell everything before they die and die penny less.
OK thanks, that's the bit I wasn't clear about. I'll come off the fence and join you.

They're being selfish.

Who would do this to their children? I'd give my right arm to be able to leave a sizable inheritance to my kids, most parents would.

OP I don't think you're unreasonable to be upset, as money in families means so much more than just the cash. And I find it odd that parents wouldn't want their children to benefit from their [the parents'] good fortune. I was very lucky to be helped by my parents to buy my first house (my father passed on his trust fund to his children) just as my father inherited enough family money that he didn't have to work -- although he did work, and very hard. Guess that's how the trust fund developed. I have a stash put by for my DS which was the life insurance left when my DH died suddenly (a long time ago now). I have always had a good job, so didn't need to touch that money. Again, it's a combination of hard work & luck (although I'd rather have my DH than the money) and I try always to remember this.

So I just don't understand your parents' attitude, but then we're all different.

It seems it's your parents who raised the issue of inheritance, by telling you of their intentions.But you really are brooding on it to an extent that you're already sounding quite bitter in your most recent post. Not inviting them for Christmas dinner because of a set of events which might happen in 20 years' time? You seem to be making a moral judgement of them. That's fine: we're all only human & I'm sure many of the people posting on this thread make judgements of others. But really, is it worth angsting about it now? THey may change, you may change. Lots of things can and will happen. Don't do anything now that you'll come to regret later.

they do plan to sell everything before they die and die penny less.

THis is what I dont get. Why?! It seems like spending money simply for the sake of it because its "Mine, all mine!".

For those saying the OP is grabby, I dont think this is about the money but about the fact that her parents dont seem to care about their DD. They could leave her some money but would rather spend it on stupid things they dont need rather than sharing the wealth and helping others out. I would imagine that the reason the OPs grandparents didnt leave her anything was because they assumed she would inherit eventually from her own parents. It just seems monumentally selfish to have more money than you can spend but still try to get through every last penny rather than pass some of it on.

I hope they are not expecting someone else to pay their care bills (the OP, the tax payer?) if they do manage to get through every last penny......

Is it possible that they are including the eventual cost of care provision in the spending that they intend to do before they die? This guaranteed income of 8k a month - does that continue to go to your mother if your father predeceases her?

Presumably after one of them passes away they'll want the other to have enough money to keep living comfortably. How do they work out how much they need to keep aside? And is the remaining parent really going to spend it all on things which will not end up being assets in the estate? I find it hard to see that they'll be able to plan with sufficient precision to leave not a penny.

Are they being serious OP? Their response is what my parents used to say "we're happily spending your inheritance". It's what I'd say if anyone asked me. But it's not the same as reality.

Are you being serious OP? You're going to un-invite your parents for Christmas because you might or might not inherit their assets when you're 60+?

Or is this another thread to add to the 'pensioners have never had it so good' threads that have been around?

They can do what they want with THEIR money. How would you all feel if OP had posted that her parents were dictating to her how she should spend her money & that they felt they were entitled to some.

I agree with your parents on one thing - it's not good for people to rely on their parents leaving them large amounts of money. In fact, it's not good for them to be left large amounts of money, when they are capable of making enough money of their own. If you have enough money or are capable of making it, I would support them in a decision to leave most of their money to charity. But the frittering it away thing sounds horrible. It would also be nice for them to leave something for their grandchildren to inherit when they are eg 25, to help them on their way with a house deposit.

I think nobody has a right to anyone else's money and if someone does not want to give you their money, that's their choice and their right. Someone is not entitled at all to someone else's money. They especially are not entitled to expect someone to live more frugally than they would choose in order that when they die, money is left over! That would be outrageous!

However, I think what you are bothered about is the hypocricy isn't it? I agree 100%. I think they really need calling out on it. Bluntly. Don't tell me about the importance of making it on my own when you inherited £X. Leave it to battersea dogs home if you want to, but don't be a hypocrite. How exactly did you earn the land given to you by Y?

oh, and if they plan to die penniless, remind them that the funeral they get will be as good as the money they leave to pay for it...

op your parents sound incredibly selfish. My mum lived off a state pension and some disability benefits. She used to regularly give money to my out of work siblings whilst alive. We were desparate for her to spend money on herself to make her life more comfortably but she was always very frugal. when she died we all received a small inheritance but we would give anything to have her back with us.
Sadly your parents attitude is going to affect the way you feel about them and not in a good way.

As I said upthread, YANBU over the inheritance, as I believe in families helping each other. But this cuts both ways; I understand about your being busy but it does seem rather petty to cut them out of Christmas. Maybe sleep on it a bit longer.

Surely the most vulgar thread of the day,the week,the year!

How on earth are they going to die pennyless if they have so much money?

Is the family farm something significant or sentimental? It seems a bit mean to sell that off rather than keep it in the family.

Gosh, OP, you are not coming out of this very well, are you? As someone else said, the apple doesn't fall very far from the tree.

So I'm vulgar and selfish for wanting to inherit what they did?

As the pp said yes I think they feel they earnt every penny as they did have some tough years. But relasitically they haven't earnt 90% of their wealth as its house price increases, inheritance and pensions that are closed for new entrys.

Was my great grandfathers and fathers wish for the farm that they both worked on to be handed down. My parents are the first generation to not live or work there.

Still consider the farm my great and grandads as they are the ones that spent their life making it mortgage free.

Did they have the 5bed house, 2 flats & extravagant lifestyle before inheriting the farm?

if so, perhaps it should have been left to someone who would live & work there??

I'm a firm believer in telling your family in advance what your will contains, so that there are no surprises at the end.

Anyway my father is also very well off. He owns 5 houses and even now in retirement his income is £80k plus.
However he's told us that he will leave everything to my (much younger) step mother. They have been married for ten years. She has children and grandchildren too. Apparently when she dies she will leave some to me and my siblings, but I don't expect her to.

I think it's mean of your parents, but sadly it's what I expect from my Dad (my real mum would always have put us first) and I have never mentioned it to him, or ever will, because it's his money and he can do what he likes.

Maybe it's different in that he didn't inherit any of it!

Is this a plotline from The Archers?

OP, if you are uninviting your parents for Christmas because of this issue, can you picture them looking at each other and saying "yep we were right about her?".

I wouldn't cancel Christmas, unless this is a recent event and the tension will ruin it for everyone. Have they been saying this for a long time or has something happened? Lots of people joke about skiing holiday to spend the kids inheritance, but i doubt many mean it viciously.

i still doubt they would be able to get through all of it and predict their expiry dates with sufficient certainty to time it, although i suppose they will still have their pensions after their assets are gone so might not be worried. But even so, unless they are 100% spending it on consumables/holidays/experiences, then there would always be something left over, even if it is a Ferrari or a boat!

is the £8k a month before or after tax and is it just the pensions or including the rental incomes , which would go when the property was sold?

I wouldn't cancel Christmas, unless this is a recent event and the tension will ruin it for everyone. Have they been saying this for a long time or has something happened? Lots of people joke about skiing holiday to spend the kids inheritance, but i doubt many mean it viciously.

i still doubt they would be able to get through all of it and predict their expiry dates with sufficient certainty to time it, although i suppose they will still have their pensions after their assets are gone so might not be worried. But even so, unless they are 100% spending it on consumables/holidays/experiences, then there would always be something left over, even if it is a Ferrari or a boat!

is the £8k a month before or after tax and is it just the pensions or including the rental incomes , which would go when the property was sold?