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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be really hurt and upset regarding an unwanted gift?

334 replies

EdSheeransGString · 12/12/2014 18:55

My DP has been going on and on since last year about a playstation 4. He wanted one but said he was going to wait until they came down in price a bit.
Anyway, he didn't buy one so I have been saving for months to buy him one for Christmas.

He has been a bit stressed recently so I thought I'd buy it and give him it early to cheer him up a bit.

I paid £350 for it, which may not seem like a lot of money but to me it's a huge amount, I'm really struggling at the moment and I've been saving since may.

He came home from work, I had spent most of the afternoon cooking a meal (I'm hopeless in the kitchen, cooking is not my strong point) to be met with him asking me what the fuck I'd tried to cook and that he wasn't risking it he was going to get a takeaway. Fair enough, it probably wasn't that great a meal anyway but I'd spent a while preparing it so I was a bit upset.

I then gave him the playstation and straight away he started moaning that I hadn't bought the right games, that it only had one control pad and why had I not paid for the online membership you need to play with your mates online? I had no idea that you even needed to pay to go online.

I burst into tears and I've been upset for the past hour. OK he doesn't like it, i bought the wrong one but surely he could at least have said thank you? He knows how skint I am and i told him how long it took me to save for it. Sad

He has been in his bed for the past hour, we won't see him again tonight so I can package it all back up but I've called argos and they won't let me return it because I stupidly set it up for him to use straight away, thinking he would be happy and could spend the evening relaxing.

Am I being pathetic?

OP posts:
maddening · 12/12/2014 21:12

If he contributes nothing then just kick him out tomorrow - have someone with you when he is told - pack his stuff while he is out and change the
locks, give him a list of hotels and b &bs and carry on your life, claim on. On day as a single person,making sure all his stuff is gone by then.

maddening · 12/12/2014 21:13

Haha great minds :)

DontWorrryBaldrickHasACunningP · 12/12/2014 21:15

So Angry at how he is treating you.

The only reason you should call DWP is to tell them you are now single and get some extra help.

He turns his nose up at the meal you have prepared for him, complains about the gift you bought him because you didn't get the right games, or the extra controller or an online subscription, was 38 a typo is he 18?

He does not contribute financially, doesn't help with your DD's, sits in bed in the evening rather than engaging in family life.

You and your DD's deserve so much better than this free loading cunt, chuck him out, change the locks and don't look back. Flowers

Firedemon · 12/12/2014 21:18

I think you know that you need to be rid of this man but I wanted to be another voice saying so!

You sound very sweet and you don't deserve to be treated in this way. His behavior is not normal. You are far, FAR too good for this horrible excuse for a man. I don't think you should let this go on any longer. It might be tough getting rid of him but god it's got to be a better deal than putting up with him forever!
Be strong, seek as much support as you can and realise there is a much nicer life waiting for you just round he corner. You don't need him! Thanks

SoMuchForSubtlety · 12/12/2014 21:22

What's the point of letting him stay OP? Really? He does nothing, he pays nothing, he treats you like crap, he's giving your DDs a terrible example of how men treat women...

Don't allow him to treat you with such disrespect. I'm so angry on your behalf!!

MiscellaneousAssortment · 12/12/2014 21:24

What on earth are you thinking? Not content with him making your life a misery, you are actively seeking out another situation that will unfairly make your life hell and also the you to the abusive partner even more.

Why?

Inertia · 12/12/2014 21:25

He is truly appalling.

It's so telling that you had to check whether you were being unreasonable about the PS4, when in the background is emotional abuse, financial abuse, total disregard for his children.

Don't ring DWP yet- get him out of the house first. Thank goodness it's in your name. Once he's gone you can start to claim as a single parent.

Given what you've said about getting a bollocking, are you safe? When you do throw him out, it might be an idea to have a couple of family members there.

You'll probably be financially better off once he's gone- you won't be keeping him in food and treats, and you'll be entitled to claim maintenance.

GazpachoSoup · 12/12/2014 21:27

He's an ungrateful twat. I second selling it - you'll easily get your money back.
He deserves nothing but a lump of coal in his stocking this year.

FluffyJawsOfDoom · 12/12/2014 21:28

You sound lovely, Ed - honestly you can do so, so much better.

(He "took to his bed"?? What is he, five?)

43percentburnt · 12/12/2014 21:37

Op your post is very sad. Please get rid of him, you don't need such a loser in your life.

I bet he wants to play on the ps4 in the morning. I suggest you get a friend to collect it now so he doesn't get to do so.

MagratsLongWhiteBeard · 12/12/2014 21:39

I'm sure you don't need me to echo the outrage of the way he's treating you OP.

What will his reaction be when he finds out you have sold the PS4? Are you in danger of harm? Or will his reaction tomorrow morning mean that its easier for you if he keeps it?

If you do sell it then don't spend the money, keep it in a secret bank account as you may need it when you leave him. Or your own account presuming that he doesn't have access to it.

You know you deserve better than this my friend, if you need any advice on how to leave him then start a thread in Relationships (or OTBT if he tries to find you on google) or on Chat. You don't have to do it before Christmas, just get it straight in your mind that you can do it whenever you like & start to emotionally detach a little bit as it makes it easier.

BiscuitMillionaire · 12/12/2014 21:40

I'm sorry I just can't get over this: he's working and you're not, and he contributes NOTHING to the household? He is totally using you as free room and board. Talk about 'you treat this place like a hotel' - he even goes to bed so he doesn't have to spend any time with you. OP, you will be better off, in every possible way, once he's gone. He is just on the take. You have a great future, without him in it.

Aeroflotgirl · 12/12/2014 21:40

Give yourself the best Christmas present ever, boot him out!

timetoplay · 12/12/2014 21:40

Kick him out, then contact for a readjustment. You don't want this hanging over your head. You can do better and so can your children, he's behaving like a non-parent and bad partner.

LindyHemming · 12/12/2014 21:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 12/12/2014 21:47

OP... this man needs to be paying for his child. Your DD2 is also his, no? If you think he will be difficult about paying maintenance for her then the CSA should be on your list to contact.

I absolutely agree with the posters who've suggested Women's Aid and I'd follow that up with a trip to Citizens' Advice and/or a solicitor to get your half an hour free - and some good legal advice.

Change the locks as soon as he has left tomorrow - bin bags of his stuff outside by the bin. He can pick them up there. Make sure the PS4 is not with that stuff.

You can do this; just get him out. Everything else can be tackled once this miserable leach has gone. He doesn't love you, he doesn't even like you. There is no point hankering after any reconciliation if you are.

2015 will be so much better for you and your children without life-suckers in it, it really will.

YouTheCat · 12/12/2014 21:51

OP, if your TC claim has been a joint one he will be liable to pay half of any overpayment. And they can recoup your half by reducing future TC payments a bit - but this is usually by agreement with you so you don't end up without enough to live on.

Serendipity30 · 12/12/2014 21:56

Sell it on amazon if its brand new you will be able to get most of your money back expecially this close to Christmas sell it for 300 quid. The lose some weight ditching the fucker. But agree with another poster i would never have spent that much anyway.

Groovee · 12/12/2014 21:59

He sounds like an ungrateful brat to be honest. I think you did a wonderful thing and I really feel for you.

Package it up and go to game they may trade it in for you or a smaller more local independent store may be a better option.

TheNoodlesIncident · 12/12/2014 22:03

It's really irrelevant how much the OP has spent, I'm more concerned that with low self esteem and confidence, OP might not be able to make him leave herself. Hopefully some family members can help her get rid?

This man sounds utterly FOUL. When I read out some of the details my DH looked stunned and said "What a tool. A complete tool."

OP, please do as posters like LyingWitch suggest, you are WAY, WAY better than this. Sad

vienna1981 · 12/12/2014 22:04

Sounds like a hateful lump of shit, utterly undeserving of anyone's kind attention. Like everyone says, sell it and keep or spend the spoils on you. And remember to take great pleasure in slinging this twatbastard out.

Appalling and inexcusable. What a drip.

guinnessgirl · 12/12/2014 22:05

Fucking hell. This man is the biggest waste of space I've ever read about on MN, and that really is saying something. Shock
OP, all he does is take, take, take, sucking all the joy and fun from your life whilst giving nothing - NOTHING - back. You would be infinitely better off without him. Pack his bags for him while he's at work, leave them outside the front door, and change the locks. You owe him NOTHING, as that is what he's given you. Seriously. Get rid and good riddance to him Sad

JoanJettPack · 12/12/2014 22:08

Oh, op, please throw this freeloading, sulky gobshite out first thing in the morning.

I understand how it feels to have low self esteem and to feel like you have to put up with this type of behaviour. I had a similar experience with my ex husband. What you have to do is realise that you and your dcs don't deserve to be treated like that.

For the sake of your dd's, please kick him out. Think of the example you are setting to your children by letting him treat you like this. Get the ps4 sold and treat yourself and your dcs to a happy, cunt-free Christmas. This time next year, you'll wonder why you didn't do it sooner.

SamiBE · 12/12/2014 22:13

What a douch bag! Sell the play station and dump his un greatful arse Flowers

SnowSpot · 12/12/2014 22:17

Please Ed, all joking aside. This man is abusing you.

You are not in a relationship. You are in an abusive situation.
Controlling money and everything like that is not healthy, for you, nor your DC.

My mum has only just left my abusive Stepdad who sounds similar to your DP after 25 nerve wracking years- and you know what? She has more than survived. She now controls her own finances (small as they are thanks to that dickhead mismanaging things) and it's been a weight off her mind.

Please, leave him this time. He sounds really, really awful.
I apologise for my earlier remark about being bought the wrong wedding ring and blender - yes, it was a bit jarring, btu there is absolutely no way I treated my DH like shit.

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